THE LOST WORLD JURASSiC PARK #1: LiP SERViCE

10 July 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise? We thought we’d seen everything the UK comics scene had to offer for Jurassic Park fans back when Dark Horse International’s excellent comic came to an end with #16 in November 1994. While it was a suitably open-ended finish to the first official sequel it had actually been cancelled with several more chapters of the American comic to go. Not that we knew this.

Three years later in the summer of 1997 Steven Spielberg’s The Lost World Jurassic Park appeared in cinemas and I have very fond memories of going to see it, at one point jumping out of my skin so much (when one of the Velociraptors poked its head beneath a door, if you’ve seen it you’ll know the moment I’m referring to) that I made my friend beside me jump, which in turn made me jump again! Cue nervous laughter while our hearts came back down to a normal rate. I loved that film. I didn’t know there was a comic to match though, something I’m making up for now. Here is #1, edited by Down the Tubes‘ John Freeman, no less.

Despite this being from a completely different UK publisher (Titan Magazines) the US strip is once again from Topps Comics. Their continuation had come to an end and now their adaptation of this movie would contradict everything they’d previously created. Obviously this couldn’t be avoided, Michael Crichton’s second novel and the sequel movie were never going to follow what the comics had done. That ‘What Has Gone Before’ is lifted straight from those Dark Horse issues which is a nice touch.

However, the opening editorial seemingly makes some early errors straight out of the gate. Already established is how John Hammond spent many, many years with his dinosaurs before inviting Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Satler to the island, it wasn’t something he threw together in a few years. More glaring for us with hindsight is the suggestion the dinosaurs were destroyed. We know they weren’t but only from later films and to be fair the sequel novel also said they were all destroyed, so that’s lifted from the book rather than the film.

“All along we have held significant product assets that we have attempted to hide, when we could have safely harvested them for enormous profit!”
Peter Ludlow

I should mention I haven’t read Michael Crichton’s second Jurassic Park book, in fact I was surprised to find out recently Dr. Ian Malcolm was the main character in it after he died at the end of the first book. (That’s properly explained, apparently.) Of course in the movie he didn’t die so we don’t need to worry about that here. The opening scene is from The Lost World movie but was actually based upon a story point from the first novel that didn’t make it into the original film. The differences between the second book and movie is something this issue will touch upon later. For now, let’s see how that story translates to comic form.

After the opening comes the first of two deleted scenes which were filmed but never made it into the final cut, although they can be viewed as extras on DVD, Blu Ray and digital. It involves the loathsome, slimy character of Peter Ludlow, nephew to John Hammond, perfectly portrayed by Arliss Howard in the movie. Cut by Spielberg because he felt it slowed the pace of the film, I initially thought it should’ve been included. While it’s particularly pertinent today when certain politicians seem more determined than ever to rape the natural world (as Ian Malcolm put it) for profit, now I agree it was right to cut it, although for different reasons.

It mentions the destruction of all the animals and the park after the first film and buying media and political silence, as well as paying out millions of dollars in wrongful death settlements to the families of the characters who perished. Just as a side note, for the first time John Arnold’s death is mentioned in comic form after he just disappeared in the first adaptation. As such, this scene’s inclusion means the editorial was actually correct for this version, but it’s good it was deleted from the movie so that the animals survived.

The other deleted scene involves Pete Postlethwaite’s animal hunter Roland Tempo. I’m still sad about this being cut from the film because it adds some more depth to his character. While a person who hunts animals for sport and money is always going to be loathsome, at the end of the film after he’s helped capture the Tyrannosaurus rex alive for InGen he’s mournful for what he’s done. Through his experience in the story he changes and realises the devastating consequences his actions have had.

A perfect balancing job of having a clear likeness without sacrificing what makes a good comic book character

This scene sees him standing up for the honour of a lady some American tourists are hassling and he does it in a rather funny way, playing on the fact he knows they’ll assume he’s a fragile old man. He has no interest in further game hunting until his friend and assistant Ajay tells him what it is InGen want him to hunt! Again cut for pace, when viewed the scenery and setting do feel a bit too similar to the scene setting up the character of Denis Nedry in the original, even though it plays out very differently.

This is about as in-depth as I’ll go into the story of The Lost World during these reviews, after all it’s the movie’s story so I don’t really need to. Just as I did with the first five issues of the original Jurassic Park I’ll be assuming you know it already and I’ll be concentrating on the adaptation itself. The next big difference I notice is one I’m not sure I can come to terms with. Maybe it’ll grow on me as I read the series, but it’s an addition I just feel isn’t needed. I mean, just look at Jeff Goldblum’s moustache!

Maybe Dr. Ian Malcolm has one in the novel. Apart from that I am taken with the likenesses here. A lot of times in comics based on TV shows or movies the characters either look nothing like the actors or the artists concentrate so much on making them look identical that they lose all ability to emote. Here penciller Jeff Butler (Godzilla, The Green Hornet and TSR’s Dungeons & Dragons games) and inker Armando Gil (who brought a scratchy realism to the previous sequel strip) do a perfect balancing job of having a clear likeness without sacrificing what makes a good comic book character.

For most of this opening chapter it feels very much like your typical comics adaptation, writer Don McGregor (James Bond 007, Black Panther, Killraven) taking the main beats of the script and moving between them with as little fuss as possible, cutting and trimming a lot as he goes. Funny moments are pretty much eliminated too which is a shame because the movie was full of them. A particularly memorable scene when Ian, Eddie Carr (Richard Schiff) and Nick Van Owen (Vince Vaughn) are calling out for Sarah Harding (Julianne Moore) when they land on Isla Sorna is conspicuous by its absence.

The scenes with Ian’s daughter Kelly (Vanessa Lee Chester) are there but again have been chopped down to their bare minimum which is a real shame as they felt really genuine on the screen. The chapter ends with the Stegosaurus scene although the grandeur of their entrance is lost when our characters are just miling about among them. Also the baby, key to what happened next, isn’t involved and it all feels rather rushed to get to some form of cliffhanger. But what is quite wonderful is the depiction of the Stegosauruses. It’s certainly more detailed than the previous adaptation and a lot more so than Armando’s sequel art.

Ken Lopez is our letterer for this story and returning story editor Renée Witterstaetter’s colours are a particular highlight, especially on these final pages in the jungle. In fact I’d say in the three short years between the comics there’s been a marked improvement across the board in terms of looks, even with a team made up of some very familiar names. Speaking of familiar names, that cover (taken from #3 of the American comic) is by original adaptation writer Walter Simonson and Richard Ory (Cloak and Dagger, Marvel Fanfare, Doctor Fate).

Regular blog readers will know I’m not usually a fan of movie adaptations but that the original Jurassic Park one had me thinking differently. At least for the first three chapters anyway, with their added information from an earlier script draft, passages from the book and interesting ways in which it shook up and changed key parts of the movie in order to make it work in a new medium. I enjoyed that. But the final two chapters became what I abhor about all other adaptations I’ve read.

Instead of being a considered reworking for the comic, the finale just jumped from one key scene to the next as quickly as it could to get to the end of the story, excising whole chunks of it in the process (including just suddenly forgetting about the only black character mid-story), eliminating anything that wasn’t basic plot, combined with what felt like rushed artwork to meet the deadline of the movie’s release. While the art is a big step up in my books, The Lost World Jurassic Park seems to be more along the lines of those final chapters, unfortunately. But it has time to improve and it’d be a shame if it didn’t, what with that lovely art.

This being a UK comic there are of course extras. The four middle pages are made up of a poster of one of the film’s best scenes, a profile of the more rugged (but still sans moustache) Ian and a page about the T-rex written by Steve White. There’s a lot of information here but for some reason it doesn’t mention their visual acuity, the whole “it can’t see us if we don’t move” thing which was so important in these first two movies. The page actually looks messy and unfinished, with what seems to be a placeholder rectangle, a clip art frame and an image sitting waiting to be edited together, with text over the top that’s difficult to read as a result . Strange.

Towards the back is Something Has Survived by Jim Swallow (who’d go on to write Marc Dane, Sundowners and Warhammer 40,000 novels), a text article which basically reiterates what we know already from the strip, although it does give an interesting nugget of information about the film’s ending. There’s also an advert for the graphic novel of the comic which is a bit weird to include when you want people to buy it in individual chapters instead (although the original comic did run a competition for its graphic novel after it had printed the whole story already) and the Next Issue page is rather basic with two different versions of “buy it or else”, the second of which just feels wrong!

The most exciting extra for me is actually an advertisement for a completely different magazine.

I loved Babylon 5 from the moment I decided to tune in to the first episode broadcast on Channel Four. I was completely hooked and I remember the magazine fondly, placing a regular order before the first issue appeared if memory serves me right, so I must’ve seen an advert for it somewhere else. I remember being particularly fond of show creator J. Michael Straczynski’s column and his brutal honesty when discussing working in the television industry and how hard it is to make a living as a writer. I’d no idea John Freeman edited it until just recently. I’m beginning to think he and Steve White (colourist and editor at Marvel UK and who did exceptional colouring work for Xenozoic Tales in the original Jurassic Park comic) are a bit like Lew Stringer in that there seem to be very few publications from my youth they weren’t involved in!

Unlike most comics at the time The Lost World Jurassic Park was fortnightly rather than monthly. With no further strips coming from the States there was never any intention of continuing it beyond the adaptation so, just like over there, it was a mini-series of four. The artwork has saved this opening chapter, will the writing catch up? You can find out in two weeks on Monday 24th July 2023.

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Comic Reviews, Dragon's Claws

DRAGON’S CLAWS #2: COLOUR ME iMPRESSED

9 July 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

It’s been a long time coming but Dragon’s Claws’ sophomore issue is finally here. After spending the first couple of years on the blog covering fortnightly and weekly comics (the one exception being the short-lived Visionaries right at the beginning of the blog) it’s strange to find myself in a position where, at the time of writing this, both Dragon’s Claws and even the site’s namesake comic OiNK are monthly. I’ve gotten so used to what came before that the four-week wait between issues feels so long!

Could this have been an attributing factor to Marvel UK’s new range of US-sized comics not being the success they may have deserved to be? British comics were often more frequent, and if any did become monthly you always knew that meant they wouldn’t be lasting much longer. Things would change a lot in the 90s of course when most comics became monthly but sales figures also declined drastically across the board at that time. A month was a very long time to wait for us back then, especially when computer and videogames were now grabbing our attention.

If last month’s debut felt like a typical yet very enjoyable 80s action flick, this feels like it could actually be the second half of that movie. The threat of The Evil Dead teased in the premiere issue’s opening pages comes full force this time around. The opening pages once again see that Game team take on a trained group of fighters, this time at a weapon’s depository that was apparently built to withstand an entire army. Over the course of these first seven pages they decimate the defence and make off with the weapons.

What I particularly like here is just how very ‘English’ The Evil Dead are, especially their leader Slaughterhouse. Shouting “Orf with their heads” before two soldiers get brutally decapitated, tutting when others put up a fight, using drawn out proper grammar and such words as “splendid” while all around is death and destruction. Believe it or not, there’s even a funny moment used to lighten the dark opening when they win their battle and dead bodies are strewn everywhere.

There’s something of note right off the bat with this issue’s story. The government is referred to as that of ‘Greater Britain’. Now for any readers of an international flavour who may not be aware, ‘Great Britain’ as we know it today is made up of England, Scotland and Wales. I live in Northern Ireland and that’s part of ‘The United Kingdom (UK) of Great Britain and Northern Ireland’. Northern Ireland is separate from ‘Great Britain’, a mistake many make. The fact the Dragon’s Claws comic refers to the government of Britain rather than the UK makes me think we’ve scarpered and rejoined Ireland away from the dystopia of the land within which The Game is set. Thank goodness! But anyway, I digress.

The one surviving soldier is taken to N.U.R.S.E. where Dragon, his team and the already irritating Deller (he’s meant to be irritating) are assigned their first mission by Stenson to kill The Evil Dead, as if they were nothing more than an irritant rather than murderers. The order is given in such a blasé way it’s clear N.U.R.S.E. care not for those they’ve hired. They give the orders and the foot soldiers must obey. This results in Dragon losing his temper because as far as his was concerned his team were independents, going out into Britain to clear up the mess of the government’s Game on their own. But Stenson has them over a barrel, he knows their lives felt meaningless without The Game and they back down.

“Mercy – you let your father’s business go bankrupt while you chased vendettas”
Stenson

We find out a little more about the various members of Dragon’s Claws here after last issue concentrated almost solely on Dragon. The most interesting one for me is Mercy, the sole woman of the team. Since they withdrew from The Game she’s used all the money from her father’s business to chase after those lawbreakers who had enough money to stop any potential repercussions from occurring. In the current climate we find ourselves in I do hope we find out more about her time doing that, it’s quite topical after all. (There’s also something very ‘Knight Rider‘ about that, a show where the hero chased after “criminals who operate above the law”.)

Dragon takes off and over the next couple of pages we see him back at his farm, now a desolate, abandoned wreck after the battle with the Wildcats last time. It’s these little quieter moments that have made these first two issues for me. It would’ve been very easy to have action from cover to cover but in such a fantastical set up these scenes ground our characters, the result being we believe in them, and care for them and the outcome of the story more. His family haven’t returned and then Scavenger turns up to warn him Deller has pulled rank and taken the team out in search of The Evil Dead.

Dragons Claws were opponents worthy of his skills, now he sees them as mere government lackeys

Deller is desperate to be the hero, the leader responsible for bringing them in or killing them, obsessed with personal glory. Of course, we can immediately see where this kind of character will end up leading the team, and that’s into immediate danger. The team’s protestations and attempts to quell his blood lust and self-importance fall on deaf ears. Seeing the lion-like Feral feasting on a dead body out in the open Deller immediately gives chase into an enclosed area, the Claws trying to stop him but it’s too late. Of course it’s a trap.

Another little moment here is the area this is taking place in is referred to as ‘The ‘Pool’. Clearly meaning Liverpool, it’s an area Steel stays away from because it’s known as The Evil Dead’s home, somewhere they know like the backs of their hands and would obviously have the advantage. One-by-one this advantage see the Claws fall. Captured, Slaughterhouse is more disappointed than angry. Dragons Claws were opponents worthy of his skills, now he sees them as mere government lackeys.

As you can see Dragon appears at the last moment, saving Deller’s life. He’s no stranger to having an advantage himself and as the Grim Reaper-esque Kronos sneaks up behind him Feral notices Dragon has no scent. He’s a hologram and there’s a pressure pad just behind it, which Kronos steps on, instantly exploding. The other members of The Evil Dead are Hex, a circus showman with poisonous darts and hypnotising eyes and Death Nell, Slaughterhouse’s other half who appears to have had some kind of romantic history with Steel!

Anyway, the battle we’ve been building up to is rather short and sweet but no less entertaining and ultimately satisfying. On one page Slaughterhouse’s order to kill the Claws falls on deaf ears, or rather dead ears. Scavenger, a master of stealth if last issue’s cameo and the fact he was able to sneak up on Dragon on his farm are anything to go by, has quietly severed his team mates’ bindings (without even them knowing how), meaning Steel can surprise Nell in a moment that initially confused me. Initially, I questioned why he didn’t just hit her earlier? It hadn’t been clear from previous panels they’d had their hands tied behind their backs until Mercy’s explanation made me go back and check.

Dragon is sniping from scaffolding on top of a very tall building nearby and as Slaughterhouse lunges at him he’s apparently taken by surprise, getting scraped by huge nails and kicked in the head in the process. But like the hologram there’s a bit of clever misdirection here on Dragon’s part. Riling Slaughterhouse up until his anger takes over and he leaps through the air, Dragon doesn’t dodge out of the way or put up a fight, instead grabbing Slaughterhouse and letting his momentum push them both over the edge.

Special mention must be made of Steve White’s colouring. It’s glorious!

Then, as we turn to the final page we can see he’d actually tied his ankle to the building, stopping him as Slaughterhouse falls to his apparent doom. Of course with a team made up of such characters as The Evil Dead, and with hints in the story that they may actually be dead already, there’s no sign of his body. As for Feral, it looks like Scavenger made a meal out of dealing with him! Their leader and his girlfriend may be the only ones to have survived now that Dragon’s Claws have been sanctioned to kill.

Written by Simon Furman and enthusiastically brought to the page by Geoff Senior, with editor Richard Starkings on lettering (under the pseudonym ‘Zed’), special mention must be made of Steve White‘s colouring. It’s glorious! His work on Transformers was always exemplary but this surpasses even that. His backgrounds are atmospheric, shading can be subtle in places like faces and in-your-face in others. It’s big, brash and bold in the very best possible way. (Check out his colour work for Xenozoic Tales in an issue of Jurassic Park too!) This is a collection of creative people that could give Dragon’s Claws a run for their money in the teamwork stakes.

Strangely one of the Marvel UK adverts in this issue is for the comic the reader was actually holding. Weird. There’s also a humour strip, a constant in most of the publisher’s action titles. The Reverend P. Gunn’s debut last issue wasn’t great but this one is funny and the art is great fun. Along with Richard and Steve, writer John Carnell and artist Andy Lanning were well known to me at the time from The Real Ghostbusters and this is a perfect outlet for their bizarre sense of humour that I loved so much in the licenced comic. Would further strips have been funny or more like last month’s? Who knows? This was also Gunn’s final appearance!

So yes, Dragon’s Claws has produced another dynamite issue. It feels very much like the second part of last issue’s introduction and I am perfectly fine with that. I want to find out so much more about these characters already and I know there’s the real potential here for that to happen while not skimping on the action, thanks to Simon’s writing. If I’d known about the comic at the time these first two issues would’ve had me hooked and placing a regular order at my newsagent. Today I’m hooked and you can look forward to regular coverage, the next bit of which will be the review for #3 on Sunday 13th August 2023.

iSSUE ONE < > iSSUE THREE

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Book Reviews, OiNK Comic Reviews

UNCLE PiGG’S CRACKLiNG TALES: VOLUMES OF FUN

2 July 2023 Phil Boyce 2 Comments

In the issue of OiNK on sale now (at the time of writing) back in 1988 a special competition was published in which pig pals could win a set of two new books called From the Pages of OiNK!: Uncle Pigg’s Crackling Tales, new entries in publisher Knockabout’s Jester range. These were novel-sized collections of strips from the first couple of dozen issues of our favourite comic. The competition in #64 also acted as the only advert they’d ever receive. They passed me by as a kid and I only found out about them again a handful of years ago.

I’ve read online from certain quarters that apparently they were of very low quality, that all the reprints were very badly reproduced and that they felt like cheap cash-ins, but nothing could be farther from the truth! So today, at the point in OiNK’s real time read through when they were first announced to the readers I’ve decided to take a closer look at both books, while showing you just how good they actually are.

Given the rough matt quality of paper used for novels these feel like OiNK has been given the Big Comic Book treatment. Novel-sized and with 100 pages each, volume one contains a whopping 53 strips and the second has even more, with 63 classic funnies. They both come with new introductions, the first from Uncle Pigg and both books finish with a little promotion to buy OiNK every week using the design from the OiNK 45 record (the comic was still weekly when these were put together but monthly by the time they were released).

Uncle Pigg’s introduction is full of his usual boasts and I like what the initials after his name really stand for. Rhyming off the achievements of the comic up to this stage makes it all the more saddening to know that at the time of their release we were only a handful of issues away from the end! Also, while he tells the reader to watch out for her, unfortunately Mary Lighthouse (and Uncle Pigg himself) is nowhere to be seen in strip form.

But it’s the person who wrote the introduction to the second book that’s a real surprise. It’s none other than Alan Moore himself (Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Batman: The Killing Joke). Yes, that Alan Moore has written his own personal introduction for this OiNK collection. While it’s great to find out such a legendary comics writer was a fan, initially I thought it was a shame he seemed to get some facts wrong and didn’t seem to have gotten the point about a character. Thankfully Lew Stringer has clarified the latter.

It did read like Alan had missed the point about Tom Thug somewhat in his comparison to Dennis the Menace, which would be completely wrong; Tom was just a bully and always the loser and butt of the jokes. “Alan Moore’s comment about Tom Thug is tonue in cheek of course,” Lew has says in his comment below this post. “He certainly gets what Tom’s about as he compares him to a fascist movement.”

Mad Magazine’s satire and the wish to make something relevant to kids of the 80s inspired OiNK

While some did liken OiNK to Viz after it was released, its three creators certainly did not take their lead from Viz, a myth that particularly irks me as it takes away from its (and their) originality. Viz had no influence on the team’s creation whatsoever. Mad Magazine’s satire and the wish to make something relevant to kids of the 80s inspired creators Patrick Gallagher, Tony Husband and Mark Rodgers. That last important point Alan correctly points out.

I asked Patrick about the books and Alan’s inclusion. “From what I remember, when we were working on the Crackling Tales books, we were also really busy dealing with the early stages of the TV side of things, which, initially, was to produce OiNK! for TV,” he told me. “I think we allowed [publishers] Knockabout to produce the Crackling Tales covers to our specifications but we provided everything else. I also think that Knockabout was the contact for Alan Moore.”

These are excellent additions to anyone’s OiNK collection

So what makes up both books? There’s a star strip in each, with 12 Burp strips by Jeremy Banx in the first volume and a ten-part Horace (Ugly Face) Watkins story by Tony Husband in the other. Things kick off with the very first Burp strip in fact and after reading his misadventures all the way through to the final weekly by now, these early editions feel so different. That’s not to say they’re any less funny than they were originally of course. Both characters are perfect ways to highlight OiNK’s uniqueness.

As you can see the strips are printed sideways which makes more sense when you think about how much smaller these pages are than the comic’s; if they’d been printed normally they’d be far too small to enjoy properly. With 100 pages the books aren’t thick enough for this to get in the way of the strips and their middle panels are still easily read, even spaced out a little more when the art allows. This makes for a decidedly different reading experience, which let’s face it suits the OiNK perfectly.

Alongside Burp and Horace you’ll find a selection of other regulars such as Tom Thug, Weedy Willy, Cowpat County, Zootown, Hugo the Hungry Hippo, even the likes of Lashy the Wonder Pig and a Butcher Watch are included. Also here are some others who never made it past the first year of the comic, like Maggie Pie, Pete’s Pup and Kid Gangster. There are also a selection of one-offs like Jeremy’s excellent Curse of the Mummy and Mrs Warsaw-Pact which I found so funny back in #13 and #10 respectively. Absolute classics!

As you can see from these photos of one-off Scruff of the Track and a Cowpat County the reproduction is superb even on this very different paper, all of the intricate details of Andy Roper’s and Davy Francis’ artwork still as crisp as they were on OiNK’s much larger glossy pages. It’s great to see things like Scruff here too, especially for readers who had come to OiNK much later and could use these books to catch up on some of what they missed. I expected these to be made up solely of the regulars still in the comic at the time of publication, so I’m glad to see I was wrong.

Below you can see the smaller strips look just as good with anything between two and four of them fitting in when spread across this format. Some of my favourites from the whole run are here too such as Henry the Wonder Dog by Davey Jones and Ian Knox’s Roger Rental He’s Completely Mental, who I’ve been really missing from the comic for a while now. The regulars also have a chance to share this space, their half-page entries sitting alongside their larger strips elsewhere, as you can see in two from Lew Stringer here.

When OiNK was printed on gloss paper (up to #35) greyscale colouring was something unique for us to enjoy, with other humour comics printed on newsprint of much lesser quality they were unable to produce the same result. Even when it changed to matt paper initially it was of a good enough stock for artists such as Lew to continue with this style (although it did stop when the comic went weekly for a while due to the paper). Pete and his Pimple above may not look quite as good as they did originally but I don’t think it looks bad at all for this paper.

So where did all those criticisms of the reproductions come from? There are some examples of strips losing detail in the transition to these books, although across the combined total of 116 only three strips suffer from this. One is below and unfortunately it’s a really rather good Burp strip. I’m not sure how this was okay for the publishers, maybe it just slipped through by accident, but to write off these books because of three such instances is just silly.

It’s great to see Willy here too in some of his earliest adventures back when he was guaranteed to pop up in every issue. His earliest pages were definitely among his strongest (not an adjective Willy was used to) and it’s been great to see him back on form these past few months in the read through ever since the second Holiday Special. Reading those and his starring role in these books, it’s clear he was a good choice to make the transfer to Buster later in the year.

Some other pages I was very happy to see reprinted were an early Tom Paterson contribution when it was still a possibility he could’ve been a regular cartoonist for Uncle Pigg, there are a few Christmassy strips which made me very happy indeed including a classic entry from The Sekret Diary ov Hadrian Vile, it was great to see Pete’s Pup again from the late Jim Needle, a character who really should’ve stayed around, and the first appearance of Tom’s Toe poking fun at conventional comics still grabs your attention thanks to his cartoonist being none other than John Geering!

**Meet Mister Cheese** by *Tom Paterson*
**Hadrian Vile** written by *Mark Rodgers*, drawn by *Ian Jackson*
**Pete’s Pup** by *Jim Needle*
**Tom’s Toe** written by *Tony Husband*, drawn by *John Geering*

These books appear on eBay quite regularly for a few quid each and for anyone who wants to relive some of their favourite childhood comics but doesn’t know which issues to choose from, or who likes the fact they can do so while storing them easily on a book shelf, these are a must. Unfortunately, there would be no more volumes in the series. “I don’t think we had any concrete plans to produce any more Crackling Tales books,” Patrick says. “That would have been dependent on how the first couple sold. But by the time that information might have come through, OiNK was probably history!”

Sadly that was most likely the case. I doubt these got much of a promotional push by Fleetway by this late stage in OiNK’s lifetime, especially seeing as how it had basically been rebooted as a monthly ‘magazine’ for teenagers by now. As it stands though, these are excellent additions to anyone’s OiNK collection, or even for your book collection as a great round up of OiNK’s crackling sense of humour.

iSSUE 64 < > iSSUE 65

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OiNK Comic Reviews

OiNK! #64: WAKA-WAKA-WiT

18 June 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

The second of our monthly OiNKs brings a surprise cover star in the shape of Police Vet, a character who had appeared before in The OiNK! Book 1988 in a funny take on 70s police dramas, with a pre-Ace Ventura slant of an officer who only investigates missing pets etc. While it’s easy for us to look back on the 80s and have a well meaning giggle, here we have the 80s and its excesses taking the hand out of the decade that preceded them. So it’s a retro look at a different retro time and I think it’s great fun.

On the inside cover is the most blatant example of how OiNK had been rebooted for an older teen audience. Mark Rodgers’ script for the latest Rotten Rhymes completely baffled me at the time. I was only ten-years-old and firmly inside the original target bracket for the comic. Reading this now, as funny as it is it would suit another publication more, inside OiNK it just feels out of place. I know that’s the way the comic was heading but it’s jarring after 63 issues of hilarious children’s comics. They had been suitable for all but now this was aimed way over the heads of the loyal fans who’d been pig pals since the start, for the first time excluding a part of the audience.

It reads like a cross between Austin Powers and Ace Ventura which is quite the feat when neither existed yet, with a liberal sprinkling of Starsky and Hutch thrown in for good measure

The rest off the issue is more like the OiNK we knew and loved. The main event is the six-page Police Vet story written by Mark and drawn by cover artist Eric ‘Wilkie’ Wilkinson. Beginning with its own version of a Shaft-like theme tune we soon shift to some pretty awful (read: funny) puns as our hero gets his assignment. This reads like a complete strip and not a serial originally meant for several weeklies pasted together. The monthlies will have a mixture of these kinds of larger strips (edited serials and tailor-made). This could also have been made for a future special or annual and brought forward for the new format. As such it changes the pacing of this particular story and is all the better for it.

It reads like a cross between Austin Powers and the aforementioned Jim Carrey movies which is quite the feat when neither existed yet, with a liberal sprinkling of Starsky and Hutch thrown in for good measure, particularly in Police Vet’s nonchalance of being in an exciting car chase. The best bit for me is how he deduces Foxy isn’t a real woman because she was too much of a bad stereotype, only for the culprit to be the most stereotypical French person imaginable. Brilliance.

We even have an example of the 70s laughing at the fashion of the 80s! It’s a shame we never got to see the character return, as after this he’d hang up his platforms for good. Maybe it was for the best before the joke wore thin. To perk me up from knowing that was the end of Police Vet is Misplaced in Space on the very next page with a very surprising special guest artist, following the likes of Dave Gibbons in #49 and Kevin O’Neill in the first special and book. Pencilling Davy Francis’ script here is none other than John McCrea (Hitman, The Boys: Herogasm, 2000AD).

Another local (to me) talent like Davy and OiNK’s Ian Knox, John was born in Belfast and good pals with Davy, who approached him about contributing to the comic. Renowned for his 2000AD strips in particular his body of work is quite staggering and in 1988 he added a page of OiNK to that list. Written and then inked by Davy, John brings a unique look to the strip. Especially unique because he didn’t normally do humour comics work. What a treat to see these two completely different talents combine their styles inside my favourite comic. OiNK really was one of a kind.

I have a vague recollection of news bulletins in the 80s being filled with something every night that seemed to unite mainland Britain in anger, and which Spitting Image took great delight in poking fun at. It didn’t affect the populace of Northern Ireland but that didn’t stop me from knowing just enough to enjoy this next piece written by Howard Osborn. I am of course talking about the Poll Tax. OiNK taking its role as a children’s comic very seriously for a moment here to educate us on the latest piece of legislation.

As I mentioned in the preview for this issue there’s a page in here that would end up being read out in the House of Commons. No piggy prizes for guessing correctly this was it. OiNK would actually tell its readers about this in a future issue so we’ll check back in on what happened when we get there. I wonder what Howard thought of that! It feels very current too, especially the digs it takes with points five, six, seven and the final sentence. Unfortunately some things just don’t change, eh?

A couple of quick Lew Stringer highlights next. A quite monumental moment was approaching for Tom Thug, something that had never happened before in children’s funny comics. Reminding me somewhat of how The Sekret Diary ov Hadrian Vile saw his mum go through an actual pregnancy before his new baby sister appeared in the story, Tom would actually leave school and go out into the adult world. But he still has to finish his final year of course. Then in Pete and his Pimple, with the Zitbusters from #41 back a lucky reader got to see themselves as the person who saves the day! Sort of. Well, basically how Lew imagined they might look anyway.

**Tom Thug** and **Pete and his Pimple** by *Lew Stringer*

This issue leans more towards the text-heavy pages than normal and there are more examples of the partnership that seems to have blossomed between young writer Charlie Brooker and the unique art of Steve Gibson on these pages, specifically Doctor Jonathan Swiller’s Home Health Check-Up. The character is a parody of Dr Jonathan Miller, a physician who also happened to be a director, author and actor, and was well known in the 1980s.

The following self-diagnosis test asks the readers to answer honestly so they can get a free and easy assessment of their overall health. With only eight questions in total, to get the thorough diagnosis we’re expecting surely these questions will really probe deep, right? Not quite, no. Starting with the insanely easy and making its way to the ludicrous in no time at all, this is genuinely very funny and, even though I never knew the person this was based on, I remember finding it just as funny as a child. Sometimes the silliest ideas just work.

Charlie’s work as both cartoonist and writer in OiNK is a highlight of the whole run for me. He contributed a lot for still being at school, appearing on no less than five pages out of the 42 pages of new content here (#6’s Watery Down and two of the OiNK Superstar Posters are reprinted). Speaking previously with co-editors Patrick Gallagher and Tony Husband on separate occasions both praised Charlie’s work, remembering how the amount of his contributions kept rising, so impressed were they with what he was producing.

Before I show you a handful of the issue’s great mini-strips we’re off to the sunny climes of the Bahamas once more after we visited there in #61 for the GBH Desert Island Survival Kit. Clearly co-editor Mark Rodgers, his partner Helen Jones and writer Graham Exton felt the gorgeous setting and opportunities it provided were ripe for more than one OiNK moment. This issue we find ourselves on a golden beach (albeit in black and white) as bored Robina finally finds what’s been missing in her life in Castaway, a “Heart-Wrenching Photo-Story”.

I think this is all the funnier knowing now that’s real-life partners Helen and Mark. Playing on the expectations of those typical love photo-stories found in women’s weekly magazines (which have been a target since the very beginning of OiNK) I love how Helen’s acting is deemed to need a large arrow telling the reader what she’s portraying, plus her goofy look in the panel below. This must’ve been so much fun to produce.

The characters of When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth sign off with one of their best entries

While the issue has its fair share of text-heavy pages and the like it’s also got a particularly good selection of mini-strips sprinkled throughout. Below are the best of the crop. A recent addition to the regular OiNK team that’s becoming just as prolific as Charlie is Kev F Sutherland whose Rotten Rhymes version of Polly Put the Kettle On is classic OiNK. Marc Riley’s Harry the Head is still in mini-strip form from the weeklies and appears to be staying that way with this acknowledgement of the new look.

Davy Francis’ Doctor Mad-Starkraving (a spin-off from Davy’s Greedy Gorb) tells a great gag that in hindsight is actually the most obvious time travel joke! It’s just that no one had thought it up yet. An instant classic gag from Davy then. Finally, Marc’s zany characters in When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth make their final appearance in a new strip (they’d return next issue but as a reprint before disappearing) and they sign off with one of their best entries.

There’s one more page I’ll show in a special post next week. It’s a competition to win a couple of books of particular interest to pig pals and I’ve been able to procure them in time to have a closer look at, so watch out for that post.

While OiNK would take another issue or two to truly settle into its new guise this issue has still been a belter. As more and more gets created with the new look in mind we’d see bigger and better strips from all of our favourites and some truly memorable moments that are among the very best OiNK produced. The Next Issue promo in this issue elicited real excitement too when it signalled the return of The Street-Hogs at last in ‘Malice in Underland!’ You’ll see that promo in the preview post on Thursday 13th July 2023, swiftly followed by the review of #65 itself on Sunday 16th.

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COMiNG UP: OiNK! #64

15 June 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

This Sunday on the blog OiNK returns at last after what feels like a small lifetime since the last issue. As a child it did take some time getting used to only having one issue every four or five weeks but when the big, fat comics arrived they made the wait worth it. Another 48 pages of prime pork awaits, but what does it contain?

The Next issue promo would have you believe there’d be a starring role for David Haldane‘s Torture Twins, but in actual fact this was just a funny promotional piece (the twins would have their usual half-page strip). What we do get is the return of Police Vet who was first seen in The OiNK! Book 1988 and a couple of memorable OiNK additions in the shape of a John McCrea pencilled strip and a page that would go on to be read out in the House of Commons! Check back anytime from Sunday 18th June 2023 to see that one.

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Comic Reviews, Dragon's Claws

DRAGON’S CLAWS #1: SiNK YOUR TEETH iN

11 June 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

The start of a new real time read through is always an event on the blog, this one particularly so because I’ve never read a single issue of Dragon’s Claws before. So why is it here when all previous read throughs have been based on comics I collected (or tried to) as a kid? I may not have started buying Marvel UK’s Transformers in time to see the Dragon’s Claws hype, but I was aware of its final few issues and was always intrigued by these smaller, US-style comics by the publisher.

However, with a maximum on the number of comics I could reserve, and only 50p pocket money for any more beyond that, I only ever bought the first issue of Death’s Head out of the whole range. Despite wanting to read them that pocket money got spent on more familiar comics every time. I feel like I missed out, so this is the start of me catching up on what appeared at the time to be excellent comics. It’s off to a good start with that Geoff Senior cover.

The Dragon’s Domain editorial page introduces us to the concept. (To be honest, I’m surprised the human race lasted another 6000 years!) So in the year 8162 Earth is dying. The governments of the world could work to do something to help people but instead they just distract the populace (surprise, surprise). This distraction is The Game. A violent event in which teams basically kill each other while it’s all broadcast live, The Game kept the civilians in line with something to enjoy as the world crumbled around them and off the government’s back.

Created by writer Simon Furman and artist Geoff Senior, legends with the Robots in Disguise, their new creation starts off hard

When it descended into chaos it was cancelled and sure enough the public, with no outlet for their fears and anger, turned to rioting and civil unrest. The Fastfax (with a date that was meant to coincide with #1’s launch before it was delayed) gives us an update on the state of the country and it’s a shock to see how many civilians died during a sanctioned game. How many innocent casualties did The Game have? I’m guessing the government nor the viewing public actually cared, this is meant to be an 80s dystopian future after all.

Richard Starkings was the editor of Dragon’s Claws. He was also the launch editor of a comic I was collecting at the time, namely The Real Ghostbusters. Also going by the name ‘Zed’ when lettering there were very few Marvel UK comics I bought as a kid that he didn’t have a hand in. Also listed is designer John Tomlinson, writer for Rogue Trooper: Remembrance Day in #2000 of 2000AD, Armoured Gideon and one of those other oft-advertised-in-Transformers US-size comics, Knights of Pendragon. Dragon’s Claws itself was created by writer Simon Furman and artist Geoff Senior, legends with the Robots in Disguise and their new creation starts off hard.

“Earth 8162. Not a nice place to live… But a good place… to die!” Thus starts a three-page teaser as a military group are pinned down and under fire. Obviously highly trained, they’re no match for the five individuals hunting them. We see glimpses of large guns, huge claws and even bigger hair as the team are all picked off one-by-one, like a scene from Aliens. This is the Evil Dead mentioned in the Fastfax, the group who appear to be the main cause for The Game’s cancellation.

Their visual identity is kept secret for now but it’s confirmed it’s them when we pay a brief visit to the headquarters of the National Union of Retired Sports Experts (N.U.R.S.E). Officially created to help former game players into post-career employment, it reeks of a shady government department with an ulterior motive. They hire former player Deller to track down and reactivate the Dragon’s Claws team to stop the Evil Dead. He isn’t happy. He wanted that job for himself.

This is when we meet Dragon. The top team of The Game have all gone their separate ways and their leader has been living a happy life on his farm with his wife Tanya and their son Michael. A very happy life actually. What with real fruit and vegetables being so rare they’ve got quite the happy life together growing their produce and selling it at the ginormous Marketplace. Michael is seven-years-old, which gives you some indication of how long after The Game this is for them.

But as we’re introduced to Dragon it’s clear something is very wrong. He’s not sleeping, he’s tense, stressed, quick to lose his temper and he’s become obsessed with viewing old recordings of The Game in which the Claws were undefeatable. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this (as he subtly hints at above) and no answer is given yet, so already we’ve got an interesting character plot point to build upon. Not knowing Michael has sneaked out of bed and is watching from behind, Dragon replays the team’s final victorious game.

This is the only time we see any of his teammates Mercy, Steel, Digit and Scavenger in the issue despite their appearance on the cover. As such, I think the strip advert for the comic actually did a better job of introducing them (and included their dog). What this does very successfully is show how well they worked together as a team. With Dragon seemingly making an unwise solo run for the finish all the other teams ganged up to kill him. Not that any of them could’ve won the trophy with The Evil Dead in such a close second place, they just wanted to stop the Claws from winning yet again.

But it was all part of the plan and as each team member makes an appearance the tide of battle turns, just as they planned. But Tanya isn’t happy. Angry that Michael is being exposed to such violence and frustrated at Dragon’s recent behaviour a huge argument is interrupted by the arrival of Deller, who calls Dragon “old man”, emphasising again the passage of time since the action we’ve just seen. He’s already visited the others to recruit them and every one of them has said they’ll only join if Dragon does. But Dragon turns Deller away, explaining that when he retired he meant it, and returns to his family.

It’s clear you’d need to be of a certain mindset to want to take part in The Game

We started the story with an action teaser to show the dire situation and set up the hero’s replacement who doesn’t want the hero back, but has no choice but to work with him. We saw the hero now a shadow of his former self, surely unable to be that hero again and he turns down the opportunity. So far, so typical of many classic action movies. What would happen next in those films is the former hero would find himself in a situation where he has no choice but to fight, which he discovers he’s missed, leading him to change his mind and return to being the hero once more, albeit reluctantly. Well, it just so happens the next day at the Marketplace things don’t go too well, coincidentally enough.

The Wildcats are also a former Game team who’d let the power go to their heads. Terrorising the market one of them tries to steal from the wrong stall. Easily beating him up and scaring the rest of them off for now, Dragon is chastised by Tanya for resorting to violence so easily and they pack up and leave, along with Michael and their farm hand Saul. But on the way home the Wildcats catch up and try several times to kill them. Trying to save his family Dragon drives too fast, losing control and crashing into their home.

Tanya is convinced this is all part of some wider plot to lure Dragon back to The Game. She just wants them all to flee together and find somewhere peaceful to live. But Dragon can’t. He struggles with the decision but ultimately feels he can’t back down, he has to fight back, so he orders Saul to take his family and run. One by one he picks off the Wildcats until one of them panics and turns the huge turret on the whole home, including one of their own in a darkly funny moment here.

It’s clear there’s some psychological issue at play with Dragon. His teammates all seem like very unique individuals to say the least, and the other teams we’ve seen so far are way out there. Given what The Game is, it’s clear you’d need to be of a certain mindset to want to take part. Dragon had been genuinely happy for a long time, so maybe something triggered this mental issue he’s been suffering recently, or maybe it was just inevitable. I hope we get to see plenty of character development in future issues to explore this and the reasons he (and the rest of his team) think like this.

I’m not doubting Simon’s ability to develop character, after all he took small plastic robots and turned them into incredible three-dimensional individuals for years. But with hindsight we know Dragon’s Claws only lasted for ten issues, so it’s whether or not Simon had the time to delve into his characters. This initial chapter certainly sets things up in a way that shows there’s plenty of scope for such development, not just with the people he’s created but with the wider world including the suspicious N.U.R.S.E. It’ll be interesting to see how the next nine months play out.

That “Nuff Said” phrase was really overused by Marvel UK at the time! Anyway, the beats of the story may not be that original but the fact it feels like a bit of a clichéd 80s action flick just makes me love it more, and remember this is only chapter one. I can’t wait to see how Simon develops this initial idea. Geoff’s art is sublime throughout too. (Even if a story is rubbish I think Geoff would have the ability to make it enjoyable.) His clean lines, hard edges and ability to not only produce highly animated action scenes on the static page, but also emotive characters so effectively adds the kind of depth those 80s movies could only have dreamed of.

Alongside Steve White’s colours this was a winning team on Transformers and so far that’s translating perfectly to this original property. No wonder it was so hyped in the pages of Transformers (even if they didn’t mention the creative team to begin with), this was right up the readers’ alley. There are enough little details to establish a complete world too, such as a ‘Game Tax’ where every citizen must pay towards the games whether they want to or not (and you thought the Licence Fee was bad?). I’m left with the overriding feeling of a solid foundation that’s ready to explore some really interesting possibilities.

I have every faith that what lies ahead will just get better and better

The strip takes up 22 pages of this 28-page comic, the remainder including a humour strip called Reverend P. Gunn and a few adverts for other Marvel UK publications. First up is Speakeasy, the ‘Comics Newspaper’. I actually have #76 of this because it contains an article about OiNK. I like how it’s sold at the same size as a regular comic or magazine only to fold out to actual newspaper size. Anyway, that’ll be added to the blog at some point so watch out for it.

The first issue of the new Action Force Monthly (another of the US-size comics launched) doesn’t exactly have the most inspiring cover for new readers. For fans like me who had been following along with the back up strip in Transformers, before it was unceremoniously yanked mid-story, it’s great to see certain characters together again. But for potential new readers it doesn’t exactly get across the action-packed storylines, does it? Action Force Monthly would last for 16 issues and get repackaged for the states as G.I. Joe The European Missions.

Much better is the advert for the publisher’s ongoing top-seller and a real favourite of mine, Transformers. I mentioned in the introductory post for Dragon’s Claws how Richard Starkings had requested one-page stories from a range of their comics, each in the style of the strips they’d normally create as a way of promoting what they contained. I’ve already shown you the ones produced for both Dragon’s Claws and Death’s Head and this next one takes pride of place on the back page of this issue.

Written by Simon with art by Lee Sullivan, letters by Glib (Action Force, Doctor Who, Digitek) and colours by Steve I think this perfectly sums up where the comic was at this point, with the hype machine really making its mark in that final panel. Very exciting times! Speaking of summing up its time I did so for #1 of Dragon’s Claws which has had a very strong start.

Ten issues doesn’t feel like enough time to fully explore the amount of possibilities this one issue has shown us, but I have every faith that what lies ahead will at the very least just get better and better. From the feedback and site views already received I can tell this is one read through many others are looking forward to as well. You (and I) can look forward to the review of #2 on Sunday 9th July 2023.

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Comic Introductions, Dragon's Claws

DRAGON’S CLAWS: iN REAL TiME

4 June 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

The year of 1988 was a big one for new releases from Marvel UK. One such comic was The Real Ghostbusters which I began collecting as soon as it launched that March, however most of its advertising space was taken up with the new franchise’s own merchandise. Marvel UK news and promotions were for the most part kept within the pages of their truly epic top-selling Transformers comic, which I only began collecting in November 1988, so I missed this little announcement on its 7th May editorial page.

Dragon’s ‘Teeth’? We’ll get to that. So, all was set for the UK arm of Marvel to release its first original smaller format monthly. Regular readers of the blog will know I’ve already begun the Death’s Head read through with an introductory post and his guest appearance in Doctor Who Magazine. His own US-format comic would appear in November 1988, but up first came Simon Furman and Geoff Senior’s other original creation, although Transformers doesn’t mention they’re the pair behind it yet.

For it being set so far into the future Dragon’s Claws certainly has an air of familiarity about it

Marvel UK was having great success with licenced titles, in particular the likes of the two mentioned which mixed original strips with American reprints (the latter would come eventually in the case of The Real Ghostbusters). But the company wanted to expand. They’d had a success with Captain Britain and now the focus was on producing mature titles very much in the tradition of their parent company. Dragon’s Claws was to be the first of these, comics that Marvel UK could export back to the States. Even Action Force got a revamp the same month as a physically smaller monthly comic and was sold in the US as ‘G.I. Joe The European Missions’.

On 21st May there was an update in Transformers and a half-page ‘feature’ explaining the premise in more depth (in the same issue as Death’s Head’s High Noon Tex, I should mention). In a dystopian future 6000 years from now Earth is dying, the seas are drying up, animals are becoming extinct and civil unrest is widespread as poverty and starvation take hold. Instead of actually doing anything about it the world government instead distracts the populace to bring them in line. For it being set so far into the future it certainly has an air of familiarity about it.

A violent, deadly televised game (simply referred to as ‘The Game’) is created and for a moment unrest is calmed. But then the game itself descends into chaos. It becomes a free-for-all where teams begin playing outside the rules for their own dreams of power beyond the game. The Dragon’s Claws team drop out as a result. Now they’re being reassembled by the government to go out into the world and bring down those teams causing so much of the terror their game was meant to quell.

In Transformers #167 the announcement was made that the premiere issue of this bold new comic was to hit newsstands within the week, although it’s strange the creative team still isn’t mentioned, especially given how Simon and Geoff were such a huge part of Transformers’ success. (Fans would’ve recognised Geoff’s art, but still.) Thing is, the first issue wouldn’t appear for another few weeks and when it did it’d have a different name. Both of these factors can’t have helped sales of the first issue.

In fact, the first issue didn’t go on sale until 11th June (according to the Mighty Marvel Checklist in other Marvel UK comics of the time) and under the name Dragon’s Claws, yet a week later on 18th June Transformers #171 ran another editorial calling it by the original ‘Teeth’ and hyping #2. Of course, deadlines being what they are this would’ve been written before the name change and the subsequent delay. At least they were finally promoting who was behind it to Simon’s and Geoff’s fans.

Eventually in #174 of Transformers, not on sale until 9th July(!), the date the second issue was actually released the name change was finally mentioned. That was a bit of a rocky launch, wasn’t it? So what happened? At the last moment it had come to Marvel UK’s attention a small press comics company had the same name and so ‘Teeth’ became ‘Claws’, although the logo (created by editor Richard Starkings) stayed the same. I’ll admit I never knew of the original name until decades later and yet the logo never seemed out of place. Now, it’s obvious why it’s a set of teeth, of course.

Knowing Simon’s Transformers writing I’m really looking forward to seeing how this one plays out

Simon Furman was inspired to create Dragon’s Claws after Live Aid which brought a higher awareness of global differences and injustices to the rest of the world. On the surface the reason behind The Game sounds quite similar to that in Walter Simonson’s Star Slammers which I’ve covered in the Havoc read through, although having not yet read Dragon’s Claws I’m only going by these initial press releases. I may not have been a huge fan of Slammers, but knowing Simon’s Transformers writing I’m sure there’s more to it, so I’m really looking forward to seeing how this one plays out.

As a preview, an advertisement featuring a one-page comic strip was produced, running for the first time in Transformers #171.

Whoops, a mention of the team’s original name slipped through in the second panel there, although it was picked up on by the time it was published in Visionaries. (I do like the not-so-subtle hint in panel four.) Adverts like these were Richard’s idea, who wanted individual comics to create a one-page strip very much in the style of the comic. This seemed like the perfect way to promote them and the likes of this, Death’s Head, Transformers and The Sleeze Brothers did just that. For some reason Doctor Who Magazine decided to do a humour strip instead (you can see in this Visionaries post). Each are highly memorable to this day so clearly did their job with this reader anyway.

Saying that, Dragon’s Claws only lasted for ten issues before it was cancelled. Around this time the UK comics market was becoming overly-saturated, a problem I’ve mentioned before in other read throughs. It was much like the videogames market before it collapsed a few years previous. Take Barrie Tomlinson’s Wildcat for example, a superb original title that deserved to thrive. If that can get lost on the shelves then these tinier monthlies were always going to struggle. Richard has previously told me the costs of originated material required higher than normal sales to succeed too.

Now at least three of these are going to get the OiNK Blog treatment, beginning with Dragon’s Claws, then Death’s Head and another I’ve already mentioned will join in due course.

I missed all the hype at the time or I’d have definitely tried this comic out in the 80s. It’s time to rectify that. I’ve had this collection sitting on my shelves since before I launched the blog in April 2021, so you can imagine how excited I am that the time has finally come when I can read them! (The blog has rules to follow, will power is needed to run this site, you know.) There was also a one-page epilogue produced in 2004 by Simon and Geoff but for now let’s concentrate on the original run. The Dragon’s Claws real time read through begins in just one week on Sunday 7th June 2023. I can’t wait!

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OiNK! #63: NEW PiG ON THE BLOCK

21 May 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

That looks a bit different, doesn’t it? While OiNK did change a little for the weeklies this was a complete transformation. As I said previously I liked the funky new logo as a kid but nowadays I already miss the original. Note how it promotes itself as a “magazine” now too. It’s thicker, glossy (again) and monthly, but its contents is that of a pure comic. Mad and Cracked were marketed as magazines and you may spot a little in-joke there on the cover, but this was a rebranding based solely on its new physical form. There was no such thing as monthly children’s humour comics at the time.

Lew Stringer made a good point about the younger audience not having the patience to wait a month between issues

Inside it was our OiNK but ramped up to Holiday Special levels. 48 pages in total and back to the paper it was printed on for its first 35 issues. As such it feels very special when you first get your trotters on it. Later monthlies would benefit from content created specifically for the format (just like the weeklies eventually did), for now it feels a bit like two weeklies stapled together and with good reason, the change had happened suddenly. Over the next six months you’ll spot a shift, not only in the size of some of the strips but also their tone, as OiNK repositioned itself into the teen market, which I feel was a mistake as I mentioned back in #61‘s review.

When discussing these last six issues with Lew Stringer he made a good point about the younger audience not having the patience to wait a month between issues. I did because I had a regular order and other comics to fill the gaps by this stage. However, at such a young age that long wait was the reason I never collected new comics such as Death’s Head even though I enjoyed the first issue, because by the time the next one came along my attention span had forgotten all about it! This could’ve contributed to OiNK’s sales falling. But we’ll get to that later, there are six big porkers to enjoy first. Let’s begin this one with Cowpat County.

Davy Francis’ strip of “The Everyday Lives of Country Folk” was the very first to appear in OiNK, in the preview issue no less. A fan favourite, it was strange to learn it was only a regular for 14 issues before appearing sporadically from then on. This is actually the penultimate outing for this daft lot. They’ll be missed but Davy’s contributions will continue in different forms, no fear.

This was possibly intended to sit comfortably both on the regular comics shelves and those higher ones W.H.Smith had banished it to

Elsewhere Grunts is renamed simply ‘OiNK’s Piggin’ Crazy Readers’ and Uncle Pigg introduces us to the ‘new’ publication and the characters within, even though many are long-established strips. This was clearly intended as a kind of reboot for the comic for a different audience than originally intended, possibly to sit comfortably both on the regular comics shelves (as it did in my newsagent) and those higher ones W.H.Smith had already banished it to.

Something the teen audience would definitely have appreciated (or rather, not appreciated) was acne. Pete and his Pimple had always been a popular addition ever since he first appeared up in #15. Here we’re treated to two strips for Lew Stringer’s character, originally intended for #63 and #64. We kick off (no pun intended) with this memorable one about the flying naked rugby players. It’s silly and immature fun and we loved it! Heck, I still do, it’s just so ludicrous (or Lewdicrous I should say).

Did you spot (no pun intended) the little mention of Cowpat County’s cartoonist there?

As you can see in the second strip the ongoing tale of Pete and Spotless Suzie comes to an early close. While she was perfectly fine with his huge zit (due to her Y.T.S. course on compost analysis) she also understood Pete’s desire to see the back of it and would help out with the reader suggestions coming in thick and fast. After all of the elaborate suggestions comes a very simple one from Glasgow’s Stephen Donnelly. Bribery. We even end up with a brand new strip.

I was surprised to see just how much of a thug Pete turns into so quickly, but I did enjoy seeing Lew depict himself throughout and what pig pal doesn’t want to get their hands on some Uncle Pigg notes? Of course Pete gets his comeuppance and loses everything in the end. A harsh lesson for young Mr. Throb but a necessary and ultimately funny one. There’s a lesson for the readers here too about hubris when we overcome challenges in our lives that others still face, of not pulling the ladder up behind us so to speak, all told through humour and it’s just as relevant today.

Written by Charlie Brooker and (I’m going to assume) assembled by co-editor Patrick Gallagher, this GBH Video Madvertisement not only fits their usual M.O. perfectly, it also reminds me of all the awful low-budget knock-off movies that pop up when big blockbusters are released. I’ve seen some of those horrible Transformers and War of the Worlds copies on the SciFi Channel and these GBH ones sound better than all of them! Speaking of Transformers, The Transformoids make another appearance in this issue but it’s not a sequel to the brilliant strip in #3, it is the strip from #3.

Yes, the dreaded reprints have begun. By 1989 and into the early 90s some of my other comics would also begin doing this, although OiNK was the first as far as I was concerned. At the time I wasn’t aware until a later monthly issue, as the ones used here were from before I discovered the comic, but unfortunately the much hyped ‘bigger’ OiNK wasn’t all new material despite it being just two-years-old. It’s only six pages (Transformoids and the first two Superstar Posters) but you can’t help feel a bit cheated. Within the next year or so reprints became a regular thing across the UK comics market.

Fleetway published two very lucrative fortnightly comics based solely around the idea of reprints

As the UK market became saturated sales of individual titles fell (much like the videogame crash earlier in the decade) so cutbacks had to be made and “classic” tales would return to fill out page counts for cheap. Fleetway even published two very lucrative fortnightly comics based solely around the idea, namely Big Comic Fortnightly and Funny Fortnightly, which Marvel UK then copied with its Marvel Bumper Comic. While reprints were great for newer readers (I personally liked catching up on older Transformers stories I’d missed, for example) it was a sticking point for long-time fans and I could see why.

OiNK had always been a little more expensive than its contemporaries, a result of the earlier gloss paper, its fortnightly schedule (thus less issues to make money on) and being produced independently. Now, with the return of higher quality paper and a much higher page count a few reprints would help keep costs manageable without increasing the cover price even higher. It still contained 42 pages of all new material, including many choice highlights such as these below.

Neighbours of the Dallasenders Hotel
Tom Thug by *Lew Stringer*
**Batbottom + Bobbins** by an unknown dynamic duo
**Arnold Schwarzenhogger** by *Simon Thorp*

Dallasenders Motel had been a story in #23 made up of six photo-mini-strips, but this one (renamed ‘Neighbours of the Dallasenders Motel’) was brand new, made up of seven full-page episodes originally intended to run across multiple weekly issues. Elsewhere, Tom Thug’s constant truancy comes to an end and he faces a reading and comprehension test, Batbottom and Bobbins continue their takeover of Frank’s page and cover star Arnold Schwarzenhogger gave us his Guide to [Ham] Acting.

Back in 1988 I was so excited to see the next strip, the return at last of The Sekret Diary ov Hadrian Vile Aged 8 5/8 (yearƨ). The last entry of his diary was back in #50, then his mini-series about television took over the back pages from #56 to #61. As a child I’d always assumed the diary would return and this appeared to be the case here. Unfortunately not. No more diaries would appear in the regular comic, just the one in The OiNK! Book 1989 released later in the year. Despite that, this issue’s strip shows the potential for future storylines involving his baby sister who we first met in #37.

While Ian Jackson‘s art is as brilliantly funny as ever (so is Mark Rodgers‘ script), the typed sentences aren’t as chaotic as usual, making me think this part of the page was finished in a bit of a hurry. I’d guess this strip was originally planned for the weeklies when the diary was due to return after the aforementioned Vidiots series but, as previously mentioned by Patrick Gallagher, Ian was now busy on work outside of OiNK.

This suggests the diary wasn’t coming back for quite some time, but instead of holding this completed page of artwork back indefinitely it may have been quickly finished off to help make up the larger page count. It’s still a delight to have him back even if it is a one-off. It just makes the issue that little bit more special.

Ed McHenry’s gorgeous full-page mini-strips (as I called them) were a delight in the later weekly issues and we’ve two here. One is actually a Wally of the West but I found this one funnier. As someone who used to jog in Saturday morning Park Runs where there were always those in the crowd who took the fun activity far too seriously, I found this particularly funny.

Kev F Sutherland’s contributions to the monthly OiNKs is staggering, quickly becoming one of the comic’s most prolific cartoonists. His Meanwhile… series was always a highlight and this issue’s two entries are no exception. Sometimes it’s the simplest ideas, the silliest little strips, the best puns that stick in our memories the most. Meanwhile, At The Fishmarket… checks all of those boxes.

There are many common misconceptions about OiNK. Two of the most prolific being it was a children’s version of Viz and that it was cancelled because of the Janice & John strip, which was actually published all the way back in #7. Another is that it went monthly because it was on its way out, that it was an admission from Fleetway the comic was failing. Co-editor Patrick previously confirmed for the blog, “I think it was Fleetway‘s intention to go monthly as it had been to go weekly, from what I can remember, which I didn’t mind – though I can’t remember at the time thinking the writing was on the wall. I think sales were down across the board but OiNK’s figures weren’t the worst – it was the other comic’s figures that dragged it down.”

There was definitely no intention to cancel the comic at this stage

The survey question in #54 which asked readers if they wanted it to go monthly was genuine, to see if the majority were behind the idea, and as it turned out they were. “I think it was more a case of Fleetway considering going monthly and in the meantime checking the audiences’ opinions, which may have had some sway,” Patrick continued in that issue’s review. He has elaborated further since, saying, “However, if something else financially detrimental occurred within Fleetway, unconnected to OiNK, that alone may have forced the decision to go monthly if it saved money – so that’s the only scenario I could imagine where OiNK might have gone monthly ‘regardless’. Hope that makes sense – it wasn’t always exactly black and white!”

Over the course of the years some fans have since written off the monthlies in the same way some complained about the weeklies. (Some people just don’t like change, which can be understandable.) I hope I’ve been able to correct these assumptions and show the weekly comic settled into its format and became the excellent OiNK we’d all known and loved. Let’s see what the monthlies have in store for us over the next five months. There was definitely no intention to cancel the comic at this stage, merely reboot it as I mentioned above. It’ll be interesting to see it develop and settle into its third format now. The next issue’s review isn’t until Sunday 18th June 2023, we’ll find out then if it’s worth the wait!

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COLD WAR FRANK: MAY DAY POSTCARD

8 May 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

A good few years back a Twitter account grabbed my attention and that of many who were worried about where the world was headed, what with 2016 being the year of Brexit and Trump. Christopher Spencer, who goes by the name Cold War Steve online, is an award-winning Birmingham artist who uses his iPhone and iPad to create collages depicting politicians, celebrities and royalty in satirical pieces that helped lighten the mood for many across the country in what they felt were dark times. (Many of his pieces featured EastEnders actor Steve McFadden in character as Phil Mitchell looking on in disgust.)

To mark our extra Bank Holiday for the Coronation, Steve has created a huge piece of art for display in London and made it available for purchase as a large foldable postcard. The outer parts highlight the kind of work he is known for, with a savagely funny portrayal of those in power in the UK. However, in the middle is a positive look at the best this part of the world has produced. Right at the front of this celebratory section, arms raised and leading the pack, is none other than Frank Sidebottom!

Taken from his own website, Steve describes his latest artwork as follows:

“The exclusive triptych artwork was put together over the last few weeks as Chris took himself off Twitter and back off booze. It marks the Coronation of King Charles III and our national obsession with being ruled over by dubious individuals and their weird families and the total crisis in leadership of our absolutely pathetic and self serving establishment political class. But it is mainly a celebration of what we should really be reminding ourselves about our country, the true collective creativity, beauty in diversity and fundamental goodness that makes Great Britain really actually pretty great.”

That last sentence in particular sounds very OiNK-like.

This huge display is free to view day and night in East London and you can check out Steve’s website for directions if you’re in that part of the country and wish to pop by. If not, you can always purchase the large postcard version. I say postcard, the main image in the middle is about the size of an A4 piece of paper so it’s just a bit bigger than your average Blackpool ‘card.

“The must-have free-standing affordable art-piece for this year’s celebration of the King and Queen finally getting their proper crowns and all the inherited land they stole from the people centuries ago. We’re fantastically excited to see them in their gold carriage, I think it’s going to cheer everyone right up.”

It’s available for £15 including postage and £5 of this will go to CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably), a charity that’s taking a stand against suicide. As their website explains, “This means standing against feeling hopeless, standing up to stereotypes and standing together to show life is always worth living.” Especially in these difficult times it’s a great cause and you can help.

I believe this is something Frank would’ve been completely behind.

You can visit Cold War Steve‘s website to check out this piece, the man behind it, see his full archives and visit his shop. He’s also on Twitter and Instagram and is prolific. So, follow him and you’ll know that when the news is getting you down you won’t have long to wait before Steve shares something to cheer you up and, most importantly, show you that you’re not alone.

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OiNK! #62: HELLO TO THE GOODBYES

5 May 2023 Phil Boyce Leave a comment

For the last time in the regular comic let’s take a look at that classic logo.

Looking a lot like the cover to Shoot! magazine or Roy of the Rovers comic, probably deliberately spoofing them, comes our last weekly OiNK and this front page starring Horace (Ugly Face) Watkins by Tony Husband. Inside, Horace’s strip would run to a whopping four pages in our final 24-page issue, rounding up his football drama with a happy ending and the promise of “Great new adventures of the ugly boy wonder in OiNK! Monthly”. Yep, we’ve reached that time in OiNK’s real time read through.

There’s no indication on the cover of any “great news for all readers” inside, although Uncle Pigg does hint that there’s something big, fat and glossy coming up and, if readers hadn’t already scanned through the comic to the back page they’d have assumed he just meant something along the lines of another Holiday Special. In fact, if readers did read the comic from beginning to end without looking at the rear page that final panel in Horace’s strip may have made for quite the shock.

Back to the rest of the issue for now though and our final regular Burp (sounds like something we’d see our doctors about.)

As good as ever and that rat-like creature in the final panel had me in stitches reading this today, however as the final Burp I think last week’s reads better, what with it being a double-page strip and leaving him (and all of us) stranded in the 50s and having to live life out to the 80s again. (Maybe it was created as the last one?) Yes, Burp and his cartoonist Jeremy Banx do return with a mammoth story in The OiNK! Book 1989 but that would’ve been created long before this point, so as far as Jeremy was concerned this was his final OiNK page.

As a child it sounded like we were essentially going to get a huge Holiday Special every single month!

I asked co-editor Patrick Gallagher about Jeremy’s absence from the monthlies and Ian Jackson’s reduced contributions by this stage too. “Ian and Jeremy were also very busy on their other work outside of OiNK and since we had a healthy stockpile of other artists’ material building up, we were never short to allow them a break,” he told me. “Also, at that time, we had no idea that OiNK was going to fold, so always expected [Jeremy’s characters] might return later on.”

So long Burp and thank you for all of the laughs Jeremy! As I’ve mentioned before on the blog his Burp strip in the second annual ended up teaching me a thing or two about growing up as I headed towards my teen years. You’ll have to wait until Christmas to find out what that’s all about. For now, from one long-term regular bidding adieu to one of the newer characters also making her final appearance and she’s saved her best for last. It’s Charlie Brooker’s Transmogrifying Tracey.

What’s so brilliant about this for me are the reader voices, especially when one of them questions the gaping plot hole I’d spotted too. This may be Tracey’s final appearance but it wasn’t Charlie’s. Mr. Brooker’s OiNK career would go from strength-to-strength in the months to come, his name popping up on more pages than ever. We definitely have that to look forward to. Being able to transform into anything may sound like Tracey’s strip had limitless potential but Charlie brings her time to an end and we’re left with fond memories of her time in the comic.

Looking over some of the other highlights of the issue you can see how Uncle Pigg’s announcement in Grunts on page two may have had readers thinking something different than what actually happened. GBH takes the marketing slogan of Allison’s bread adverts in the 80s to the extreme and after all the drama of memory loss, stalkers and nuclear monsters Horace (Ugly face) Watkins‘ football serial comes to its conclusion with something even more horrific. Then, Lew Stringer answers a question we really should’ve asked by now.

**Grunts** compiled by *Patrick Gallagher*
**GBH Health Foods** written by *Charlie Brooker*, drawn by *Wilkie*
**Horace Watkins** by *Tony Husband*
**Pete and his Pimple** by *Lew Stringer*

Pete and his Pimple has been with us since #15 but not once have we considered the ramifications of his existence on the wider world. Sounds very serious, doesn’t it? Who cares about the clean up, the putrid mess left behind on the streets of Oinktown and the health hazard of having large amounts of greasy, slimy pus all over the pavements? As it turns out Albert Piles cares. He follows Pete around, shovelling up all the pus as Pete dances away spot-free without a care in the world, then he takes it to become glue for holding pages together at… well, I’m sure you can work it out.

There’s no Frank Sidebottom strip or showbiz gossip column this issue, what we get instead is a page I can remember seeing for the very first time 35 years ago. This superb full-page mini-poster of Batbottom and Bobbins (that latter name being his go-to phrase for anything he found to be a bit rubbish) is completely charming and completed using Chris Sievey’s usual felt-tip pens. Oh, I mean, it’s not Chris at all, nor is it Frank and Little Frank, the identities of those responsible for this page are clearly a secret.

Lovely stuff. I love the sheer silliness on display here and not just the main picture. The fact the pin-up being on page 17 is deemed important enough to mention, making sure the reader knows they’re not from Timperley, and the knowingness of the captions on the bottom-left. Frank would of course continue with his crazy, random OiNK pages all the way to the very end. In fact, he’d be the cover star of that fateful, final issue.

One of my favourite additions to the weeklies has been the inclusion of some lovely full-page strips containing no dialogue and very few panels, like large mini-strips if you’ll pardon the contradiction. These started off with co-editor Tony Husband’s very funny series but as the Horace Watkins strip started to take up more space and more of Tony’s time another cartoonist stepped in. That person was Ed McHenry with such creations as Ringo Pig in #50 and of course the return of Eric Plinge seven days ago in #61.

This one has got to be my favourite of Ed’s. It’s a gorgeous page too and beautifully coloured, especially when you see it on the printed page. It has such character in every panel and a genuinely funny surprise. These simple strips became a fixture in the weeklies and I think being in a slightly smaller comic made them stand out all the more. No other humour comic would’ve dedicated such space to what is essentially a quick gag in a 24-page comic.

Of course with double the amount of pages from next issue onwards will we see a plethora of these? Or will we be treated to new and exciting variations of OiNK content that we haven’t seen before? Some of the OiNK team really do take advantage of the larger canvas, as you’ll see in the months ahead. Let’s wrap up this issue first though with a Madvertisement from Kev F Sutherland featuring a jingle that’s used to this day for Fairy Liquid, although not quite like this.

Well here we are at page 24 and the shape of things to come. You’ll remember in #54 Uncle Pigg ran a reader’s survey and the change from next issue came off the back of that. As co-editor Patrick Gallagher told me in that issue’s review, Fleetway were making enquiries about turning OiNK monthly already and the aim of the survey was to see if the readers liked the idea. Clearly they did. As a child this back page did excite me, but then again I always liked ‘new looks’ in my comics and it sounded like we were essentially going to get a huge Holiday Special every single month!

At the time I liked the new logo (just like the original it was also designed by Patrick) but as an adult I do wish they’d kept the one we’d had since the beginning, it had more character to it and felt like it summed up the feel of OiNK more than the new one. But that’s just a bit of a quibble, I’ll leave my opinions about the monthlies until I actually read and review them. I do remember from childhood that after a couple of issues they’d really take advantage of the page count, a bit like how it took a little while for the team to settle into the weeklies.

So Uncle Pigg gets the final word in the final weekly. It’s all change next issue but at least we haven’t got a full month to wait for that huge porker of an issue. Each of the following OiNKs would go on sale on the third Saturday of every month in 1988, beginning in May. This means we’ve only 16 days to wait for a month’s worth of fun! I’ll see you back here for OiNK #63 on Sunday 21st may 2023 for all of those “sophisticated” smelly jokes.

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