I’ve really been looking forward to diving back into this occasional series of posts in which we take a look at all of the real advertisements published in OiNK between April 1986 and April 1990. Still to come are adverts for comics and toys amongst other things, however in a surprise turn it was seeing the adverts for all of the food and drink of the 80s that really transported me back in time.

There were plenty of them in OiNK too, far too many to include in one post, so I’ve whittled them down to 11 of my favourites, all for things I’d have happily chomped down on or guzzled back when I was a kid. Well, there’s one exception to that and as you scroll I’m sure you’ll be able to guess which one. Some of these are no longer available, but even for those that are their adverts are so quintessentially 80s they just had to be included. So let’s get things started with some breakfast, shall we?

I remember those adverts on TV with kids walking down the street with a superimposed red glow around them after eating their bowls of hot, filling Ready Brek, advertised here in #52 from February 1988. I did like that cereal, although I preferred my mum’s huge pots of porridge she’d rustle up. I don’t know about you, but I think a list of ’50 Brill Things To Do Before Breakfast’ would’ve been wasted on me. Getting out of bed and washed and fed was enough to do before school!

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“Get yours before the special multipacks dematerialise!”

Golden Wonder crisps

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The Bean St. Kids (#39, October 1987) had animated cartoon adverts on TV I seem to recall, complete with cackling villain, but the tins sold themselves. I know we’re told our tastebuds change as we age, so either mine really have or those tins of mini sausages have changed, because as an adult I think they’re completely vile! I tried one of those ‘All-Day Breakfasts’ in a tin of beans and my word, never again. But as a child I loved them, especially with crispy bacon and eggs for breakfast at the weekend.

As our day in the 80s continues it’s time for a mid-morning snack and our house always had multipacks of crisps for us to rummage through, although more often than not they were Crazy Prices’ Yellow Pack crisps (ask your parents, kids). Sometimes we got treated to others though and apart from Wotsits (I remember devouring all of the barbecue flavours before my siblings could) the other household favourites were all advertised in OiNK.

My dad still eats the Salt-n-Shake crisps to this day, although you can only get the salted ones now. This is just as well really because I remember the other flavours didn’t really work. No matter how much we shook the bag like the fella in this advert from #6 (July 1986) we’d always get a mixture of bland crisps and others with so much flavouring on them they’d burn our tongues. Needless to say that “mixing different sachets” to “invent your own flavours” was an atrocious idea too.

I’ll admit I still have a fondness for Monster Munch (#33, July 1987) to this day; the pickled onion ones are a favourite but I just can’t walk past a shelf of roast beef packets without filling the trolley! I was sure the regular Golden Wonder crisps disappeared for a while many years ago but that doesn’t seem to be the case. While they did go into administration in 2006 they were bought by my local Northern Irish crisp company, Tayto and continue to be made here, which surprised me!

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“You can meet Jo-Jo, Bruno and our own super hero, ‘Mar-Might’…””

Marmite spread

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I remember the Golden Wonder bags of my youth had a little window on the front through which you could see the crisps. The packets were horrible though, becoming very jagged when crumpled and they felt horribly greasy on the inside, things people seem to forget on those talking heads documentaries on Channel 5 where celebrities go all misty-eyed for such things. Here in #15 (November 1986) the promotion to lure us kiddies in was a range of exclusive Sixth Doctor comics, although the lure was lost on me as I didn’t start watching the show until 1988.

On to lunchtime sandwiches and no prizes if you guessed the first of these two adverts (#22, February 1987) is the thing I mentioned above that I didn’t like. I still don’t. I’ve only ever tasted Marmite once but I didn’t eat it. I’m probably sharing too much information when I say I was in my early 20s, I’d been out for a night for a few drinks and at the end I kissed a lady who had just eaten some. Gagging and recoiling from a kiss isn’t a great impression to make.

In #25 (April 1987) bread was advertised in a children’s comic. How exciting. To be fair, it was promoting a free sports bag emblazoned with the loaf’s logo and Champion was heavily advertised during children’s programming as the bread of choice for fit and athletic kids. I hated it back then with all of the little ‘bits’ in it but these days I do love a good granary loaf. Showing my age probably. Mother’s Pride make a vast amount of different breads these days in their Hovis range. I wonder if one of them is the modern day equivalent of this?

Imagine that was your foot!

On the way home we’d visit the sweet shop and long before Jamie Oliver’s sugar tax came in (something I cursed him for at the time but which I now think was for the best) any can of soft drink was so loaded with sugar they were main staples of kids’ diets in the 80s! Cherry Coca-Cola was the latest craze and was advertised with very surreal images on both the telly and in publications. They made little sense but were certainly eye-catching and worked a (sugary) treat, the first two here taken from #28 (May 1987) and #34 (August 1987) respectively.

It doesn’t taste the same anymore. For some reason when the sugar tax came in Coke changed the recipe for Coke Zero (the brand under which the different flavourings now reside) and suddenly it tasted like that horrible Diet Coke stuff (I’ve never been a fan). I moved over to Pepsi Max and actually much prefer it and its range of flavours, so thanks Jamie! I still buy my sugar-full Coke to slow cook my Christmas ham though. (Damn, that’s still too many months away.)

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“2p off Milky Way!”

Milky Way chocolate bar

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In hindsight ring pulls were so bloody dangerous on a product kids loved, never mind asking us to actually collect the sharp little things, and that advert (#30, June 1987) makes me wince nowadays. Imagine that was your foot! Anyway, collecting them is exactly what we did. I didn’t send any off for this particular product but I’m going to guess many blog readers of a certain vintage will have done so for their Coke or Fanta yo-yos, am I right?

With most of our pocket money spent on crisps and soda what were we going to do about our chocolate cravings? We couldn’t have a can of Coke without a chocolate accompaniment! But we also couldn’t spoil dinner, so we needed something we could eat “without ruining our appetite”. Luckily, Mars gave us a handy coupon for a whopping 2p off our next Milky Way. Hey, don’t knock it, that was a good chunk off back then. The advert was also split in two and spread over the issue (this one appeared in #12, October 1986).

The competition for a Commodore 64 also catches my eye today, it being my first proper home computer, although I didn’t get mine until Christmas 1991. The inside of a Milky Way was chocolate flavoured back then but was changed to vanilla in 1993 and I hated it. Although, Mars’ Flyte came along in 1996 and used the original recipe in a bar aimed at adults. Once I discovered this they were a very frequent purchase. Such a shame they’ve been discontinued since.

This really has been a whirlwind trip down memory lane for both my mind and my taste buds. I feel suitably qualified to appear on Channel 5 now. You can see companies knew how to appeal to us 80s kids. As well as adverts taking the form of comic strips, many offered their own magazines and comics to send off for, and there was always something magical about collecting silly little tokens (or ring pulls) that had the desired affect on us and on their bottom line.

In the next part of this series I’ll be taking a look at the toys advertised during OiNK’s run and you can expect that at Christmas (naturally).

PART ONE < > PART THREE

OiNK’S REAL ADVERTS

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Welcome to the first in a new occasional series of posts taking a retrospective look at the contemporary advertisements found within the pages of OiNK between its launch in 1986 and its final special in 1990. The real adverts that is, not the spoof Madvertisements. During the comic’s real time read through I found it wasn’t just the antics of the comic’s gangster-led mail order company GBH that transported me back in time, these real ads often brought back many happy memories too.

I’ve separated the adverts into six categories. Coming up you’ll see marketing for 80s food and drink, toys, electronics, comics and books, then finishing with a miscellaneous collection to round things off, but we begin with movies. This was an easy selection to make because there were only five of them featured throughout the comic’s entire run. I present them here in the order of their release, and first up is one I’d never heard of before.

The 80s saw a resurgence in 3D movies for a few years, my favourite being Jaws 3D, a fun sequel to my favourite film of all time which has proper, American theme park style in-your-face 3D. Star Chaser: The Legend of Orin was a cartoon but used a combination of traditional art and computer generated animation to produce its effects. Advertised as the first 3D animated film (it was actually the second after a small Australian movie) the story revolved around human slaves being ruled by a ‘God’ who turns out to be a human masquerading as one.

It sounds quite Stargate-like and starred Stargate SG-1’s Carmen Argenziano (Jacob Carter). However, it was it’s very close resemblance to Star Wars’ story which saw it panned in reviews at the time and it flopped at the cinema, which wasn’t great when it was more expensive to produce than other cartoon films. The advert appeared in OiNK #3 in May 1986 and that summer a much more successful movie sequel popped up in the pages of #7.

Once again starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, The Karate Kid: Part II’s box office not only eclipsed Star Chaser’s, it equalled the original movie’s and spawned a couple more sequels in the original series. While researching for this post I discovered it never actually filmed in Okinawa, the location that was a major selling point for the film. In reality, the heavy military presence there led the filmmakers to choose Hawaii instead.

The first scene in Part II was originally written to be included at the end of the original so, like James Bond’s Quantum of Solace did many years later, this literally picked up straight after the previous film. I recall my brother renting these from our local video store and I can remember the action, the famous training scenes from the first film and some bits and pieces here and there, but mainly it’s the memory of enjoying them with the family that remains.

I finally succumbed to the years of friends talking about how great David Bowie was as the King of the Goblins

The next film (advertised in #15) completely passed me by as a kid, although as the youngest of five siblings I’m sure they rented it at some stage for themselves or at least watched it on TV during more than one Christmas. It was only during this last festive period (2023) that I finally succumbed to the years of friends talking about how great David Bowie was as the King of the Goblins and sat down to watch it on the BBC one afternoon.

Not only did I love David Bowie (his interactions with the goblin puppets producing some wonderfully funny moments), Jennifer Connelly was also superb. I’ve become a fan of hers through the Snowpiercer TV series in recent years and it’s just incredible to see such a great performance at only 14-years-of-age, especially considering the characters she was interacting with. As for the film, directed of course by Jim Henson (and written by Terry Jones, although rewritten by uncredited others) it still flopped but that hasn’t stopped it from gaining in popularity ever since.

For me personally, it was a fun movie although I do think I’d have loved it more as a kid; the imagination on show is brilliant and very 80s. I really loved the fantastic M.C. Escher-inspired staircase scene too. There’s one movie out of these five I adored from the moment I saw it on VHS at a friend’s 11th birthday party in October 1988, almost a year after this advert for its cinema release in OiNK #16. I’m really not sure why we didn’t go to the cinema as a group when it was out!

I didn’t really get into The Transformers until the following year, but once I did this movie was rented a lot! It was basically a way for Hasbro to refresh the toy line, hence killing off most of the TV series’ original cast, Optimus Prime’s death famously upsetting children in American and resulting in an added narration at the end when it reached these shores, promising his return. It also flopped (there’s a theme here) at the time and has been derided by critics ever since as a glorified toy advert.

The Transformers: The Movie is also notable for being Orson Welles’ final film, believe it or not

If you’re already a fan of Transformers you’ll love this, if not then it’s not really going to win you over. As an adult I can appreciate its retro goodness, especially its 80s soundtrack, although I find it does work much better as part of the animated series than a standalone film. I just wish they’d stop cutting the top and bottom off it every time they remaster it. It was created in a 4:3 ratio but every time it gets rereleased they seem to think people will only want to watch it in widescreen, the full-screen version usually left to languish, non-remastered, in the extra features. Such a shame.

It’s also notable for being Orson Welles’ final film, believe it or not. Over the years it’s been said he hated it but in reality he really liked the script; he accepted the role after reading it and was happy to be working on a children’s movie. He may not have fully understood all the characters and their relationships with each other but which adult of a young Transformers fan ever did? As a fan of the modern films (Transformers, Dark of the Moon and Bumblebee being my favourites) this can feel quaint today but during my recent read through of the original Marvel UK comic the 1987 film was an epic, dramatic and really fun part of the experience.

To any readers living outside of this part of the world this poster might be a bit confusing, but this is indeed Harry and the Hendersons, advertised in #42. It was renamed for the UK market, perhaps to better describe what Harry actually was to potential cinema goers not familiar with the legend in the States. John Lithgow seemed to pop up in every American film when I was a child but I never complained, he was always funny in every role he took on. The film was essentially E.T. with a big hairy fella instead of a short, wrinkly alien but I do remember finding it very funny as a child, although I’ve never seen it again since.

There we go. There may only have been five movie adverts throughout OiNK’s run but they’re a nice snapshot of the films that would’ve appealed to young readers at the time and their retro artwork is a joy to look at. There are a ton of adverts for the next category of food and drink though, including everything from crisps and fizzy drinks to Marmite and bread! Look out for that during the summer later on this year.

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OiNK’S REAL ADVERTS

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