All posts by Phil Boyce

DEATH’S HEAD #4: DOG-GEDLY BRiLLiANT

The front cover to this fourth issue of Death’s Head may be drawn by the familiar team of Bryan Hitch and Mark Farmer but inside Plague Dog is drawn by renowned Transformers artist Lee Sullivan (also Havoc (RoboCop), Doctor Who), with Annie Halfacree on letters, Nick Abadzis colouring and Simon Furman writing of course, with Richard Starkings editing. While I love Geoff Senior’s art being in every issue of Dragon’s Claws, I like the mixing of styles here.

Last month we saw Death’s Head’s new office wasn’t the perfect purchase Spratt seemed to think it was, having spent his new partner’s hard earned cash before he’d earned it. This issue sees that picked up and developed into two separate stories, one for each of our main characters. While our mechanoid anti-hero is hired by one gangster to hunt down and kill his rival’s pet mutt, Spratt comes face-to-face with it in their new property.

We kick things off with Death’s Head arriving at Jules ‘Kneecap’ Venici’s birthday party in his usual understated style. A huge birthday cake arrives but Venici has seen this movie before and fills it full of lead. Surprised at finding no one inside he still insists on killing whoever sent it because his own actions have made him look stupid. He then sits down to eat a slice, not noticing the highly conspicuous waiter in his latest in a long line of ridiculous wigs.

Predictably a huge shoot-out occurs between all of the gangsters and our lone hero, although even in this dire situation there’s time for some comedy. Elsewhere, Spratt is checking out their new digs and the lights are out. After we see a clawed hand swiping down in the darkness he lets out a blood-curdling scream and we’re led to believe the hand has made contact, until you read the following caption. Simon once again playing with our expectations.

I particularly like Spratt’s reaction to the sound effect of the plague dog, the alien monster used by Venici to take revenge out on those who wrong him. Last month we saw someone who looked like an undertaker sell the office to Spratt and in this issue we find out he is in fact called The Undertaker, a killer-for-hire whose method of assassination is somewhat gruesome.

But yes, that sound effect. We get all sorts of wording to describe sounds in our comics. Sometimes they’re downright bizarre to say the least. The fact Spratt correctly names this rather random sound effect is very funny and just shy of the character breaking the fourth wall and identifying he’s in a comic. It genuinely made me laugh. Back in the other half of the story, as the issue constantly flicks back and forth between the two scenes, Death’s Head is still at it even when cornered and out of ammunition.

Death by cocktail sausages! As a form of getting back at the bad guys it seems appropriate for this blog. Death’s Head isn’t the only one up against the odds, nothing to shoot with and having to use his ingenuity to get out of a tough scrape. As the rotten internals of the office building collapse around him, Spratt is trying desperately to escape but is hopelessly out of his depth.

In fact, the crumbling of the building saves him on more than one occasion, luck playing a huge part in keeping him alive. He could be learning a thing or two from his new boss though, or perhaps they’re just more suited than the mechanoid realises, because despite his fear (or perhaps because of it) he can’t help making quips.

Slipping out of his boot and shoving it into the monster’s mouth (complete with another joke) he makes a run outside and finds a car parked (well, hovering, it’s in the future after all). This is Spratt’s speciality. Quietly boosting cars is a particularly useful skill that Death’s Head needs him for. There’s a little bit of tension here as Spratt struggles to get inside, panicking as the plague dog bears down on him.

The engine doesn’t immediately kick in either and the tension rises further as the thing makes a leap for him and crashes through the rear window, clawing at the interior, getting closer and closer to Spratt until it finally places a claw on his shoulder. The escape vehicle now seems to have become a death trap. We know Spratt can’t die, but even if he takes off surely the thing’s head and arm are already inside so what can he do? Well…

Just like last month when an accidental slip of the hand by Spratt turned the tide of battle, here his mistake with the gears sends him rocketing backwards, squashing the monster against the building. Fuel tank ruptured, the dog roaring out to his “Foood!” as it starts to push the car off itself, Spratt characteristically can’t help but bask in his glorious victory, no matter how accidental.

The final spread of the issue sees The Undertaker making a phone call, apparently to activate the plague dog at its lair. So are we to assume he actually sold the lair to Spratt? His job also done, Death’s Head makes his way to the office and finds chaos has ensued, although Spratt seems somewhat subdued and not showing off for once. Of course, our mechanoid friend can always turn a situation around when money is concerned and our story ends.

On the next page a somewhat tacked on cliffhanger has The Undertaker hiring someone called Big Shot, a muscly man with a big gun. I can’t help but be a little underwhelmed with this after last month’s ending. Surely having a plague dog lying in wait was the more dramatic cliffhanger. I’m aware I haven’t read the next issue to see how good this guy is with his gun, but I feel this is a bit of a muted ending by comparison and the two should’ve been the other way around.

Head to Head is the comic’s new letters page and there’s an anonymous letter from my home city of Belfast. Although, if this person had actually read Death’s Head’s adventures in Transformers and properly understood them I don’t see how they could think he’s commonly seen as a full-blown villain. Not too sure who “Bob” is that the first letter is addressed to (Richard Starkings is the editor and Jenny O’Connor the Managing Editor) but there’s definitely a lot of high praise here and I agree with it all.

I just wish Lierne Elliot had been right when he said “seems we have a hit here”. Of course, it may have seemed that way at the time, especially since this was a comic based on a very popular character from another Marvel UK title, but alas the sales figures wouldn’t be good enough to make up for the cost of producing the comic, as Richard explained to me in the introductory post to this series.

But let’s not dwell on that, we’ve another six months of this to go!

On the back page is an advertisement for a new fortnightly Marvel comic that would never actually appear. The William Tell TV series was apparently shown on ITV, although I don’t ever remember seeing it advertised. There’s a chance it either wasn’t broadcast on Northern Ireland’s UTV or it didn’t last long before ITV pulled the plug, despite it running for three seasons of 72 30-minute episodes in France and elsewhere, where it was known as Crossbow.

I remember this comic advert alerting me to the TV series and yet I still never caught it in any TV listings magazines. Marvel’s confidence must’ve been knocked as the plan for a fortnightly changed to a Summer Special, an annual and a run of strips in the Marvel Bumper Comic, plus a collected graphic novel, the strips for all of these already created for the defunct fortnightly. This is why I think the show must’ve failed to pick up viewers here in the UK, as Marvel suddenly realised the audience wasn’t there for what they’d assumed was going to be a hit.

You just might see some of it on the blog at some point though, as the Bumper Comic is on the cards for the future, I just don’t know when yet, but you heard it hear first! (As if you’d hear it anywhere else.) For now, that’s us finished with another outing for Death’s Head… well, really more of an outing for Spratt this month. We return to Earth of the far future on Monday 4th March 2024.

iSSUE THREE < > iSSUE FiVE

DEATH’S HEAD MENU

DRAGON’S CLAWS #9: OOH, MATRON!

Last month there was a feeling this fantastic comic was shifting gears towards a suddenly imposed ending, which with hindsight we know is coming in #10. At the very end of this penultimate issue of Dragon’s Claws it feels like there’s a rush to finish it all off before the unfortunate cancellation. For the majority of the strip however this isn’t obvious and it’s another belter of a chapter with these sadly short-lived characters.

The issue’s FastFax, normally a way of adding depth to the world in which the comic resides or hinting about future storylines or guest characters, is a more straightforward ‘Story So Far’ page like we’d get in other comics. While the fictional news service would obviously focus on the events in N.U.R.S.E.’s headquarters, it adds to the feeling of the title wrapping things up, when I was so used to this page being used as a way of looking forward. A sad reminder the end is nearly here.

The strip itself is called Treatment and the main focus is Matron’s capture of both Dragon and The Evil Dead’s leader Slaughterhouse. All three of them are linked up to a mind control machine Matron uses as a way of accessing their memories, then torturing them with those same memories. Yes, it’d be much easier to just kill them both and she mentions this at one point, but like all the best James Bond villains she wants to have her fun first.

She’s completely confident in her success and feels the destruction of both teams and the deaths of Deller and Golding are inevitable, so she wants to drag it out and savour it as much as possible. Despite an underwhelming cliffhanger involving Matron last month, the character is superbly written by Simon Furman here, her psychotic nature making me wish we’d seen more of her all along.

We get to see inside the minds of both team leaders, with Dragon being made to watch as his wife Tanya and son Michael confront him before being killed by Deller, which as we know didn’t happen despite Matron’s orders. In fact, I’m assuming their arc will be the final part of the story to get wrapped up next time. In a particularly dark and shocking scene Deller shoots and kills the young boy! We see the shot and then his dead body on the ground in the next panel!

It’s all rather harrowing for a Marvel UK title young Transformers fans may have been collecting after it was heavily promoted in that comic. Outside of his mind we see Dragon curled up and crying desperately, his own insecurities around the ones he loves leading to that scene playing out in his mind, Matron merely triggering them rather than forcing the scenario. At this point I was intrigued as to what resided in Slaughterhouse’s mind!

But first we head back down the building to catch up with the rest of the characters. Matron has seen on her screens that Stenson is dead, The Evil Dead and Dragon’s Claws are about to decimate each other’s ranks and World Development Council ambassador Golding and Deller are trapped in a burning room dozens of floors up from the ground. No wonder she’s confident.

For the unlikely pairing of Golding and Deller there’s only one option for escape, and that’s out the window and back in again to a different room. There’s a pole sticking out from the building which Deller can use to swing out and back in again through another window, then break down the locked door to get Golding out. But first he must overcome his fear of heights!

This is something that hasn’t cropped up before simply because the story has never put him in such a position. It adds drama to a sequence that plays out over a few pages scattered throughout the rest of the issue. In fact, we come back a few pages later to see he’s frozen to the spot and it’s Golding who encourages him to take the leap, to believe in himself after all the humiliation he’s faced in previous issues (albeit by screaming at him).

There’s a definite theme this issue of people from all sorts of backgrounds and from completely different sides coming together to fight a greater enemy. An enemy that’s using them all, that’s creating division and fomenting hatred to turn the populace against each other for their own selfish needs. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Dragon’s Claws could easily be released today and be just as relevant, if not more so than it was in the 80s.

Death Nell and Steel’s romantic history gives the story an opening to bring the two teams together to launch a united frontal assault on the upper floors of the building where the majority of security has amassed to protect Matron. As a reader you know it’s coming, even as the opposing sides continue to fight, Mercy in particular sticking the boot in. (Boom, boom!)

On a side note, I was surprised to read Nell saying, “Wise Up!” because as far as my friends and I were concerned this was always a Northern Ireland phrase. Indeed, when I used it myself in Scotland with some friends there in my teenage years it completely confused them. Perhaps we were wrong, but most likely it’s just a coincidence and wasn’t known to be a popular phrase in this part of the UK.

It’s at this point we finally get a look into the mind of Slaughterhouse. I was really looking forward to this and Simon doesn’t disappoint. His memories start off hard with an abusive father hitting him with a baseball bat because Slaughterhouse’s own mum died during child birth. Damn, this goes dark. This was enough to lead him to a life of crime, then once captured the corrupt government experimented on him in return for reducing his sentence.

The side effects included his pointed teeth, his skin colour and blood red eyes and Slaughterhouse, who was very much the victim of his life’s circumstances, couldn’t handle it and he turned on the whole world, the world that had beaten him down so cruelly time and again. But his mind was lost by this stage and he began killing people, seeing everyone as an imaginary enemy, and within just a couple of pages Slaughterhouse’s entire origin story is told.


“We do this my way!”
“The weak way… the stupid way!”
“Let’s just kill ’em!”
“Try it, curly!”

Dragon’s Claws and The Evil Dead

We can only guess if it would’ve been told at this stage (or so quickly) had the comic not been cancelled but somehow it doesn’t feel rushed. In fact, it just makes me lament the fact we can’t see more character development for him now that we (and Dragon) know the truth. The whole chapter is a great piece for both leads. Dragon’s own insecurities while leading his team and in his position in the world could’ve made for a wonderfully deep character too.

As the Claws and The Evil Dead make an uneasy alliance to take down N.U.R.S.E. and rescue their respective leaders, the two men’s minds are thrown into a climactic final battle, one which Matron fully expects will mentally tear them apart, leaving them gibbering wrecks and essentially dead. But she hasn’t reckoned on the power of said minds. Dragon slowly realises he’s in his old Game uniform and tries to convince Slaughterhouse it’s all fake.

He does so through reasoning. Yes, they’re physically fighting of course, we have to have our action in an action comic, but they come to realise they’re flip sides of the same coin, that they both do what they do because they believe in it, they’ve both been manipulated into becoming what they are and they agree giving in now would be the easy way out. But they don’t do easy. For once the hardest thing to do isn’t to fight each other, it’s to work together and they turn their minds on Matron’s.

They start to take her mind down in another physical battle but we’re inside her thoughts now so she’s all-powerful and the two men have to fight side-by-side if they’re to survive. Dragon only wants her beaten, so she can face justice for her crimes in the real world, but Slaughterhouse can’t stop himself. His thirst for revenge is too much and inside the mind machine he slits her throat just as Nell does so to her physical body.

It’s a shock ending but then it all kind of deflates on the next page, the final one of the strip. In just five panels we get a lot of exposition and explanations about what takes place next instead of actually seeing anything. The Evil Dead are let go, Dragon knowing they could never work together, Deller is somewhat redeemed in his own eyes, the team decide what they’re going to do now their employer is no more… a lot happens ‘off-screen’, dealt with through a very quick conversation between the team.

I understand the next issue is the last and it’ll most likely wrap things up for the Dragon family’s arc, but so many other important story arcs just seem discarded far too easily, like one of those final scenes you’d see at the end of an old 80s cartoon. To be clear, it’s only disappointing because of the quality of what came before, not just in this exciting chapter but in the whole run up to now.

The team should be incredibly proud of this chapter though. Writer Simon Furman, artist Geoff Senior, colourist Steve White and editor Richard Starkings are to be congratulated. What the final page lacks is what the other 21 pages do superbly, quickly wrapping up as much of the main story as possible without feeling rushed. Which is why page 24 feels so unlike what we’ve come to expect.

To round off this penultimate review is Digit’s fact-file and more interesting tidbits of information on Dragon’s teammate that would’ve been elaborated on in future issues. These include the fact he’s Scottish, a missing amount of time in his life and just how stable/unstable he actually is. I bet his lost memories would’ve made for some great stories. Instead, we must say goodbye. That’ll happen a little over a month from now. The final issue didn’t go on sale the same day as Death’s Head for the first time, instead it appeared a week later. So watch out for the review of #10 of Dragon’s Claws on Monday 11th March 2024.

iSSUE EiGHT < > iSSUE TEN

DRAGON’S CLAWS MENU

TRANSFORMERS: WHAT’S NEXT? LOTS!

I’ve just completed an epic real time read through of a mammoth comic series over on the blog’s Instagram, so what’s next?

First, let me tell you a story from about 12 years ago. I discovered hit television show NCIS through a crossover episode between Hawaii Five-0 and NCIS: Los Angeles. I was immediately hooked and wanted to go back to the beginning, the very beginning of the show NCIS itself spun off from originally, Jag, about Navy lawyers. I remembered watching some of it with my parents in the 90s and, created by Airwolf’s Donald P. Bellisario I’d enjoyed it. So I started there.

One season of Jag ended with a helluva cliffhanger when a main character stood on a landmine and had their leg blown off! I had the next season on DVD already and immediately binged all 22 episodes in two weeks. In that fortnight the character had gone through physical and mental anguish, rehabilitation and was walking on a prosthetic. That was quick, I thought! It felt anti-climactic. But that wasn’t Jag’s fault, it was mine.

That storyline was meant to last about nine months, not half of one. I’d completely ruined the drama of this character’s arc. I swore I’d never binge to that level again. Several years later, having started the original OiNK blog site and already reading that comic in real time, I decided I wanted to do something with Marvel UK’s Transformers, a comic I’d binged all of in about six months around ten years previous (before the Jag incident). Knowing how that Jag arc had felt, how would reading Transformers in real time over seven-and-a-half years differ to bingeing? 

Reading OiNK in real time is one thing, but here was a comic with great character arcs, epic storylines and its fair share of cliffhangers, and I relished the challenge of using all my will power to not jump ahead in what was a massive read through! The UK version of Transformers had a whopping 332 issues and (during its run) 19 specials, seven annuals and a variety of other books. The word “epic” can be overused in comics, but it’s the right one to use here and reading it one issue per week just heightened that to a completely new level. Every Thursday I became a kid again, eagerly anticipating the next issue.

Why did I do this on Instagram instead of the blog? When I began I thought the stories were so well known that I wouldn’t be bringing much new to the table. However, showing off every UK issue, including covers, back up stories, letters pages, Lew Stringer strips, features, adverts and more could be a unique angle not covered before, especially for international fans. Instagram was the perfect outlet for doing a photographic journey through my collection rather than in-depth reviews.

My decision proved successful and my Transformers posts became the blog’s most popular on Instagram for seven years, and you can now check it all out in whatever order you wish via a special blog post. But what’s next for the Cybertronians on the OiNK Blog? I’ve adored every single second of this read through and the thought of not covering them doesn’t bear thinking about. First up though is Transformers: Generation 2, the short sequel series also written by Simon Furman. I’ve never read it but recently completed the collection. This is the American original I’m talking about, a first for the blog.

In the UK it was actually Fleetway (OiNK’s second publisher) who acquired the rights for Generation 2 but their monthly only lasted five months. (For me at the time it only lasted one!) They’re very hard to come by for a decent price these days so I’m going to cover the full story in its original form first and do the UK version later. In the US it also began life in G.I. Joe so for this fan of the Joes it’s going to be exciting getting reacquainted with their original comic after it was unceremoniously dumped from later issues of the UK’s Transformers.

Watch out for that in a few months here on the blog, but what about Generation 1? I could say it’s been covered already and it’s time to move on, but a key design flaw with Instagram has me thinking otherwise. My original plan for this post had been to reminisce over the past seven years and give you links to key issues so you could work your way through it all if you so desired. But when I link to an individual Instagram post there isn’t any way to navigate beyond it, which is a strange thing indeed. So unless you wanted to scroll back over seven years’ worth of Instagram posts you’d only see the issues I linked to.

As a result, and given the nature of social media, in a few months anyone visiting the account wouldn’t even know I’d covered the comic! So yes, I do want to review the collection I’m most proud of in a more in-depth, permanent fashion here on the blog. But not yet. For two reasons. The first being that I’ve just finished it. I want to have a lengthy break again so that it feels fresh and it can surprise me once more; my ageing memory and the sheer amount of them will both help.

The other reason is it’ll require a huge amount of my time and over the next four or five years there are a range of other comics I wish to cover first. Yes, I do plan very far ahead! If I was to start many years’ worth of in-depth weekly Transformers reviews before then I’d have to cut back on the others. That’s not something I want to do just yet. But all is not lost. To bridge the gap between now and being able to dedicate the time needed to one of the greatest comics ever created, I’ll be doing something special every Christmas.

You all know I love my Christmas comics and the annuals we received from Santa Claus as kids, and Transformers did a particularly great job of both every year. From 2024 onwards each of these festive issues and hardback books will be celebrating their 40th anniversaries and it felt like a waste not to do something on the blog. So I’ll be celebrating those festive editions and books every holiday season for the next eight years! More on that much, much later in the year.

Plenty to come from the Robots in Disguise for the foreseeable future then (and hopefully beyond). I’m always receiving comments from people who are shocked when I reach the end of a read through, no matter its length, telling me the time has flown in, so be patient and you’ll not see the time go in either for more Transformers content. Yep, I’m promising much more OiNK Blog content for many years to come. As long as people keep reading it then it’s not going anywhere! I hope you’ll stick around too.

BACK TO THE READ THROUGH

MAiN TRANSFORMERS MENU

ROUND THE BEND GAME: COMMODORE FORMAT #17

This issue of the simply superb Commodore Format, on sale this day 32 years ago, was my fourth at the time and the first I bought after finally receiving my Commodore 64 computer for Christmas. (You can check out a more personal look at CF in my retrospective on #14.) This was a memorable issue for sure, with certain game reviews leading me to some lifelong favourites which I’d countless hours of fun with, as well as having a super addictive covertape game. However, I’m including it on the blog for none of these reasons.

Instead, CF makes its fourth appearance on the OiNK Blog because of a review inside for a game I didn’t purchase. It may have been based on a favourite TV show but there was only so much pocket money I could splash out on my C64 and it had very stiff competition this month. Now, decades later it’s time to take a closer look at that review because the game is based on a series dear to the hearts of pig pals everywhere, namely Round the Bend.

Originally intended to be an OiNK television show (much more on that at a later date) Round the Bend was an electronic comic show created by the same trio of Patrick Gallagher, Tony Husband and Mark Rodgers. With the huge Spitting Image Workshop puppet of Doc Croc as its editor and various animated comic strips with a certain sense of humour, it was OiNK in all but name. Running very successfully for three series, and winning awards as it did so, it was inevitable we’d see a computer game at some point.

Taking the tired old formula of turning a licence into a platform game, the general consensus appears to be that it plays well but was far too easy. So it was fun but not for long enough to justify the full price. As was customary at the time this would be rereleased a year or so later as a budget game for a few quid, but at a tenner or more it got knocked down for its value for money. It seems to concentrate completely on Doc Croc and his ratty writers too, which seems a waste as the show was chock full of zany characters who could’ve brought many different forms of gameplay. At least John Potato Peel makes a cameo!

Like the OiNK game before it there was nothing too original then, but what was there was fun. A quick glance at a “64%” score and it’d be easy to dismiss it, but reading Stuart Campbell’s review has me thinking it may have got a higher score upon rerelease. I can find no evidence of a further CF review, however Zzap!64 scored it 52% initially but this jumped to 74% after its price drop. Nothing to write home about then, but an interesting look into a curious OiNK-adjacent piece of merchandise nonetheless.

As is customary when looking at these old magazines I can’t help but reminisce and have pulled out some other highlights that had me fondly remembering reading this for the first time. First up is one of the games on the covertape. According to some sources online this was a copyrighted piece of software hacked and distributed illegally through the public domain, CF unknowingly giving away commercial software. But as you can see here in the first paragraph of the instructions page that’s incorrect; a piece of misinformation that gained traction in C64 circles despite the explanation of a hacker’s name on it being front and centre here.

The idea is a simple one but it is oh so addictive. You control that little silver circle and must destroy all the tiles on the screen and make your way to the exit. Thing is, the tiles explode one second after you touch them, so forward planning is essential. You must plot out your route over increasingly complex layouts because once you’re moving you can’t stop or else you’ll explode too. It’s just as addictive today as it ever was and is best played on a real machine with a joystick. One of my top C64 games of all time and it was a freebie!

Speaking of favourites.

In the Commodore Format retrospective I showed you the preview for First Samurai and the Making Of feature for Creatures II: Torture Trouble (and I also embellished on the magazine’s scoring system), both games impressing me from my first issue. Now at last both were available to buy! They blew away anything I was playing on friends’ consoles at the time and each had me glued to the screen for hours. For a computer created long before Nintendo even released their first console, these were pretty incredible.

The little egg character was a megastar in the 8-bit computer days

They both played like a dream too. As I’ve said before, Creatures II remains in my top five computer and video games of all time to this day. I remember buying it on cassette to begin with, but the mutliload (where each level has to load individually for a few minutes) was destroying the flow, so when my parent’s bought me my disk drive a few months later I used my pocket money again to buy it on 5.25” floppy disk (loading was so much faster) and never looked back! Two glorious games. No wonder Round the Bend never got a look in.

Also this month was the concluding part (obviously, the game was finished) of The Clyde Guide by the geniuses that were John and Steve Rowland, creators of Creatures, who provided a fascinating look into the creation of the game. I loved things like this and when they returned later in the magazine’s life it was for a game called Mayhem in Monsterland which they documented from the very earliest design stages.

Elsewhere in the budget games section was a game with a title that rather stood out. It was a difficult one I remember. You had to avoid all the buildings and enemy craft (even UFOs) until you got a chance to crash into and destroy the enemy HQ and rescue the hostages! Dizzy also makes an appearance this issue. The little egg character was a megastar in the 8-bit computer days and despite simplistic graphics and controls his adventures proved extremely popular thanks to great gameplay and puzzles.

That feature about the user-created, free-to-distribute software that made up the public domain showed what this little machine could really do graphically. A few years later I even put together my own Public Domain Library (amongst others who did the same) to help distribute said software. Parallel Logic Public Domain (thanks to lifelong friend Colin McMaster for the name), or PLPD as it went by, was even listed in CF as the third best PD library in the whole of the UK! I was dead chuffed.

I’ve also pointed out before how the game adverts of the day often didn’t even show us what the thing looked like in action, instead relying on exciting artwork and descriptions. Given how the games would look completely different across the many formats they’d be released on I can understand why. No one wants to buy a game thinking it’s going to look one way and then realise those images were from a much more powerful computer. One such advert in this issue was for the conversion of the arcade hit, Smash TV (think ‘The Running Man: The Game’).

Smash TV was a corker of a game. Copying the controls of the arcade cabinet you could use two joysticks to control your character, one for their feet (their movement) and one for their gun (which direction they’re firing). Hand one joystick to a friend and the shouting and hollering as you try to work together, clearing rooms of enemies in this violent gameshow while trying to pick up brand new toasters etc. was hilarious. Even seeing this advert brings back all the feels.

Finally, a look to the future. Not the future of the 21st century though, instead let’s take a look at the future according to Commodore in 1992 and their CDTV. The 90s would be a hotbed for CD-ROM machines promising us a multimedia future. I personally invested in one of Panasonic’s 3DO machines (3DO was to be a new standard like VHS) and to this day I think it’s criminal it was never the success it deserved to be.

They were expected to revolutionise our world

Of course these days we’re used to our electronic devices doing pretty much everything, but at the beginning of the final decade of the last century it was the norm to have a dedicated machine for each piece of entertainment, like games, music, movies etc. While 3DO at least tried something new and the various machines looked cool, Commodore went with a rather boring rectangle, possibly thinking it wouldn’t alienate people too much if it looked like their current VCR or HiFi (I assume).

Needless to say it never took off. It was basically a Commodore Amiga with a CD drive and no keyboard; the fact you could buy a keyboard, mouse and even a floppy disk drive for the CDTV didn’t help distinguish it from the computer range either. For me it’s always fascinating to read contemporary magazines from around that time and the hype for The Next Big Thing, and how they were expected to revolutionise our world. It took a little longer but in the end we got there.

I’ve had great fun reading this magazine again and reliving the hype I felt at the time for the games inside it. Commodore Format remains my top mag even to this day and you can check out other issues on the blog if you like. Namely, the one that gave away the OiNK game on the cassette, another which printed maps for said game, and as mentioned above my first issue as well, which just so happened to be my first ever magazine too. It also contained that advertisement for Round the Bend. Great memories. Still a great read.

THE OiNK COMPUTER GAME MENU

OiNK MERCHANDiSE MENU

MAiN OiNK MENU

RiNG RAiDERS LiCENSEE STYLE GUiDE: PART ONE

A few years ago the wonderful former UK comics editor Barrie Tomlinson and his writer son James Tomlinson very graciously answered my questions about a favourite childhood comic of mine, the very short-lived Ring Raiders, based on the Matchbox toy planes of the same name. Created by Those Characters From Cleveland and with a range of merchandise, a UK comic and even an American cartoon, Ring Raiders was set to be the next big franchise.

It wasn’t to be but I still loved the toys and I collected a mountain of them including all of the extras I could get my hands on. I also owned whatever videos were made available over here but the comic was far superior. I’ve covered the series already and you can read all about it, as well as the interviews with Barrie and James, in the Ring Raiders section of the blog. However, chatting with me wasn’t the only thing these two gentlemen very kindly did. They also sent me this folder.

This is the official licensee folder sent to Fleetway Publications (and other companies wishing to produce anything related to the franchise) in 1989 with all of the information needed to create an accurate depiction of the characters, their aircraft and the world they inhabited. A ‘Style Guide’ if you will. It includes details on the backstory, the individual pilots and even the correct colour codes to be used on each plane to ensure the exact right tone of each was used.

It goes much further too, showing a selection of suggested merchandise 12-year-old me would’ve given his right arm for, images of how the packaging would look on shelves, and logos and the variations allowed. It even contains the legal side of things, guides to marketing whatever the companies were producing and fun promotional ideas for children’s favourite planes if it had all been successful. As a fan this is a bit of a holy grail, but I think a lot of blog readers may find it just as interesting.

A lot of the comics covered on the OiNK Blog are based on franchise properties such as toys and cartoons. These licenced titles made up a huge part of my childhood and were quality publications in their own right. Each would’ve had their own variation on a folder like this, so I thought it would prove to be a fascinating look into producing a licenced comic, not only for Ring Raiders fans but for those of licenced comics in general.

Over this and the next four months (on the 13th of each) I’ll break down the folder into its separate parts and show you all of the details within, from designs to copyrights and beyond. We begin this month with the introductory section, under the banner ‘Philosophy’. This contains the background information on the potential franchise and its storyline; a storyline that both the cartoon and the comic would pull from, despite producing two very different final products.

First up is this ‘The Command is in Your Hands’ page, which was the tagline for the toys. Now, remember this was the late 1980s, a time when toys were marketed strictly at one gender or the other. This continues today of course but thankfully to a much lesser extent and with much more crossover. There’s less stigma today with boys and girls just playing with whatever they want, which is much healthier in my opinion. This first page sums up not just the thoughts behind Ring Raiders but all so-called “boy’s toys” of the time.

That last paragraph in particular is a bit cringe-worthy 35 years after the fact, but you can just imagine how other toys such as Transformers and Masters of the Universe may have been similarly marketed, can’t you? The regular use of the word “confidence” is a rather strange one to focus on for a children’s toy, is it not? For me, they were about a pre-Pokémon kind of “gotta collect ‘em all” mentality as well as the time travelling storyline, which was used to explain the huge variety of aircraft in the collection.


The year is 1998 and the world is on the brink of a cataclysmic war. There were always pilots who, twisted by war’s cruelties, were willing to join the evil air force.

The then-future storyline of Ring Raiders

Next up is the overall scenario, which I’ve covered before during the real time read through, detailing how the comic changed some elements, such as giving the individual Ring Raiders planes the ability to time travel. Originally it was meant to be this interesting set up including the major difference between how the two sides conducted their time travel. But it felt like a natural progression in Barrie’s comic and an obvious one for the stories included. The comic also introduced a range of gadgets tucked away inside the rings which as a kid really fired my imagination (I constantly wore one of them that winter).

Again there’s a focus on the noble elements of the characters involved, something the various licensees could pull from to appeal to parents I’m sure, while we kids focussed mainly on the action and the dogfighting in the palms of our hands. We’re only two pages into the folder and I can already see (even before any images or photos of the toys) how this could’ve stood out at the time amongst the vast array of other wannabe franchises vying for position.

They fired up the imaginations of kids just like me and gave us ideas for our own bedroom battles

Unfortunately, the late 80s and early 90s were awash with unsuccessful toys that at other times could very well have been hits. Even a lot of toys that had been enjoying success were floundering by then; a bit like the UK comic scene in those same years, when over saturation helped to dilute the success of individual titles. Ring Raiders would succumb, the comic and cartoon cancelled after only a few outings, although the toys would continue throughout 1990 with two more series of planes to collect.

However, as you’ll see later in this series the Ring Raiders were meant to be on far more than just the toy shelves. For now, I’ll finish with these two examples of the fold-out mini-comics that came bundled with the plane sets. They fired up the imaginations of kids just like me and gave us ideas for our own bedroom battles.

Of course this was before Barrie’s comic came along and blew us away with its incredible battle scenes coupled with three-dimensional characters and epic twisty-turny storylines that only a full-sized 24-page comic could do justice to. Having Barrie, James and a plethora of top UK comics talent (Ian Kennedy, Angus Allan, Carlos Pino, Don Wazejewski, John Cooper, John Gillatt, Sandy James, Scott Goodall, Tom Tully, Geoff Campion and Terry Magee) didn’t hurt either!

That’s it for this month and that’s just the introduction out of the way. Next month I’ll show you all of the leaders’ planes in the Ring Raiders half of the range, each with character introductions the comic would develop further, as well as the colour codes and details that the artists would have to abide to. That’ll be here for your delectation on Tuesday 13th February 2024.

GO TO PART TWO

LiCENSEE FOLDER MENU

RiNG RAiDERS MENU

DEATH’S HEAD #3: DEADLY FUNNY

Alongside Dragon’s Claws #8 the first week of 1989 (and 2024) brought us the third issue of Death’s Head and, while the story inside may be light on plot, it’s aim is to establish the relationship between our mechanoid friend and Spratt. Spratt was the young fella who rebuilt the Freelance Peace-Keeping Agent in #1 after he was nearly destroyed by Dragon and his team, and it seems he’s determined to help Death’s Head navigate this era on Earth, as well as balance his books so he’s never left broke again.

We kick off with this scene setting display below. There’s nothing quite like a good old 80s dystopian future, is there? Mass consumerism, unhealthy food, sex and violence may seem like a clichéd way of depicting the future but it was created in the late 80s and this style was very much in vogue, pencilled by Bryan Hitch, inked by Dave Hine and lettered by Annie Halfacree. Even the basic way in which it’s coloured by Nick Abadzis adds to the overall feeling of grime in the Los Angeles Resettlement. (Resettled why?)

Tracking down a man for information on his target, Death’s Head follows him into a packed club where he uses non-lethal projectiles in the crowded space. Aimed with precision, they end up only affecting the one person. Whether this is because he didn’t want to harm innocents or because he only injures/kills those he’s paid to do so (see his rules in #1) is up to the reader to decide. Once outside for interrogation things take a turn for the worse.

The target grabs Spratt and Death’s Head instantly regrets letting the kid tag along. However, the man makes one big mistake. Spratt tries to tell him this, that he’s made a bad move and the man argues back that he can’t be killed while holding a hostage, so it’s clearly a good move. But this wasn’t what Spratt was referring to. No, in the heat of the moment the man had called our main character a bounty hunter! Oh dear. This leads on to this page below.

This is just the first of several laugh-out-loud moments in this issue and it’s clear writer Simon Furman intends to bring as much comedy as possible to this comic, certainly a lot more than in Dragon’s Claws anyway. They get the information they need but Death’s Head is warned he’ll be no match for his objective, a person named Ogrus, especially if he takes the kid along.

Death’s Head can’t help but agree. While he appreciates Spratt’s help in doing things he’d find difficult, like blending in or stealing a car for example, and he’s good at the accountancy stuff, he’s far too keen to impress and prove himself. As such, Death’s Head inwardly questions why he let him come along in the first place and we get a brilliant flashback to a transport vehicle skimming over the Atlantic Ocean a few days prior.

On board, a hostage situation had kicked off and in the end it was Spratt who had saved the day, albeit in an overly flamboyant way involving an automated rubbish cart, some acrobatics and a lot of showing off. However, what’s so funny about this scene to me is seeing Death’s Head, after everything he went through in Transformers, doing normal things like complaining about the food, or just sitting there watching the whole situation unfold with interest. Maybe it’s just me but I was giggling along to all of this.

There’s some hilarious chemistry between these two already and despite the title character’s protestations he still takes his new recruit to the rendezvous in a rough looking bar and casino. Now remember, this comic was created in the 1980s, the characters have just walked into a bar full of dodgy criminals, the main character is a no-nonsense individual looking for one certain person and has no interest in anyone else there. You know what this means, don’t you? Yup, that’s right, a massive bar brawl.

There are some knowing nods here to this sort of thing inexplicably breaking out in the movies of the day, when one or two punches from people in the foreground somehow leads to everyone in the background laying into each other. Here, it begins with Death’s Head taking out one person who had innocently said something to a dealer at the casino, knowing full well what it would cause, thus allowing him to simply walk up to his target in the middle of the chaos, unchallenged.

The little bits of dialogue on the second page make it feel almost like a spoof of those movie scenes, especially the one about someone’s mother. Outside, Spratt has been ordered to stay in the car he stole (that was graciously received by the Peace-Keeping Agent), but Spratt knows Death’s Head will be outnumbered and can’t help throwing himself in to help. Crashing the vehicle through the casino wall and shouting at everyone to freeze, his diminutive frame leads to nothing but uproariuous laughter. He’s not down and out yet though.

Climbing into a position above Death’s Head’s fight with the mark he questions whether he should get involved or not, tossing a coin to decide. By now it should be clear to the reader that anything Spratt sets out to do will not normally have the intended outcome. Here, he can’t even make the decision to get involved or not without something happening, albeit this time it’s one that distracts Ogrus enough for Death’s Head to start turning the tide of the fight he was clearly losing.

A quick gag or two from the mechanoid and he’s back on top again and a final one-two from the both of them together (Spratt jumping feet first into Orgus’ back as Death’s Head punches him in the stomach) and the battle is won, the contract complete. We close off this chapter’s main story with Spratt joyous that he actually helped and some reluctant praise is even thrown his way.

The “Partners/Don’t push it” exchange perfectly sums up the strange working relationship these two seem to have. Spratt is all in and as far as he’s concerned they’re already partners, he’s just clamouring for confirmation and a rhetorical pat on the back, especially from someone of Death’s Head stature. The fact his apparent partner is so dead pan and doesn’t show emotion easily is just another challenge for Spratt, which makes him even keener.

Death’s Head on the other hand finds Spratt annoying. He gets in the way. He’s too keen. He even wants conversation! Death’s Head would rather continue to work on his own. But he can’t deny the kid has helped with his money problems and has been a good guide to this strange time in Earth’s future, both things he promised he’d help with. Plus, he can get into places inconspicuously, something Death’s Head can’t do. Well, in theory Spratt can, but his wish to show off can hamper that somewhat.

It was only upon finishing it that I realised the plot was so simple, I’d just been swept along with these characters

As the duo walk off with their client’s trophy we turn the page and find ourselves “Elsewhere”. In that final panel above Spratt makes a throwaway comment that he’s managed to secure a new office (since Death’s Head’s previous one is thousands of years in the past), spending their money before they’d even earned it. Well it seems that’s where “Elsewhere” is.

Poor Spratt. His heart was in the right place, but not only has he spent Death’s Head’s reward money, it looks like even this good-intentioned gesture will come back to haunt him too. Poor kid can’t catch a break. Hopefully next month’s story will pick this mystery up as its main thread.

This third issue may be very light on plot but as I said above that wasn’t the point. The point was to establish this (very) unlikely pair as a working partnership. Having the plot as just another simple contract for Death’s Head and using this to show how enjoyable that can be with the two of them working side-by-side was a brilliant idea. It was only upon finishing it that I realised the actual plot was so simple, I’d just been swept along with these characters. I look forward to more sweeping on Sunday 4th February 2024.

iSSUE TWO < > iSSUE FOUR

DEATH’S HEAD MENU

DRAGON’S CLAWS #8: BEGiNNiNG OF THE END?

Here we are at the beginning of 2024. Or should that be 1989? I took my Christmas decorations down yesterday (the 5th January is the 12th day as you know, and I like to enjoy that one final day with them), the snow on the blog’s logo has melted and it’s time to kick off the New Year with something not very new at all, the latest issues of Dragon’s Claws and Death’s Head, both available to buy today 35 years ago.

This striking yet funny cover has Slaughterhouse of The Evil Dead taking centre stage and inside they’re very much back in the thick of it. The Fastfax on the editorial page makes another mention of the Miami Bloodbath, this time linking it to this Game team (a dead ambulance crew in London has been killed with the same precision used in Miami). Cue Slaughterhouse and his new cohorts entering N.U.R.S.E. Central dressed as that crew has been described and accessing the upper managerial floors.

After losing three of his men in #2 to Dragon and his team, Slaughterhouse has recruited Hack, Rend and Slash who remind me somewhat of Hook, Link and Sinker, other creations of writer Simon Furman’s in Transformers. This isn’t the first (or indeed the second) time aspects of this comic seemed to contain a knowing nod towards that other title. Not much is made of these three, they’re really just here to make the numbers up, but Slaughterhouse and his true love, Death Nell play major roles this month and not just in administering a bit of chaos.

First we check in on the Dragon’s Claws HQ where Steel, Scavenger, Mercy and Digit are relaxing between missions (Scavenger fixing the hole created by a certain mechanoid in Death’s Head #2) and we find out Dragon himself has taken off after fielding a telephone call from the World Development Council’s Ambassador Golding, who we saw meeting Stenson and Deller last time in N.U.R.S.E. HQ.

Mercy is on top form after her recent run in with Scourge, her copycat from the previous two issues. It seems to have exorcised some ghosts for Mercy and she’s reinvigorated and ready for whatever lies ahead. However, what lies ahead is The Evil Dead. The team are called into action to stop their enemies from slaughtering everyone inside N.U.R.S.E. Even the shadowy Matron (seen above) is uneasy and soon we’re catching up with the people she’s trying to track down.

At the farm in Norwich Dragon is in need of restraining. Who could blame him after what happened with his family? Over a few pages here we get some surprising revelations and by the end of this chapter things seem to be heading towards a climax between the Claws and N.U.R.S.E. I can’t help but wonder if Simon knew the comic was going to be cancelled at this stage already or if this storyline, which I’d assumed would last a lot longer, was just the beginning of what he had in mind.

Geoff Senior’s art is powerful in these scenes combined with Steve White’s bold colours. I think the images he produced of an enraged Galvatron in Transformers are seared into my retinas. I’ll certainly never forget the impact they had on me. I can feel that same rage here in Dragon’s eyes, the powerful anger behind Golding’s and the desperation in Stenson’s. There’s no way you could read these few pages without the characters screaming at the top of their lungs in your head.

But even amongst all this tension there’s always a chance for a quick moment of levity, such is the craftsmanship of this comic’s writer and artist. When Stenson tries to threaten Dragon and Golding by telling them they’re out of their depth it backfires spectacularly, the ambassador seemingly suggesting if he doesn’t cooperate there’s nothing he can do to stop Dragon from killing him, to which Dragon responds by showing he’s more than up to the task.

It works, but you can see as Dragon walks away there’s a cheeky grin on his face. Despite not communicating their intentions with each other it’s clear the former Game player and Council ambassador are in sync with each other and want the same thing. It’s a surprising working relationship and fun to see it seemingly come out of nowhere here, these two men clearly working from the same page.

Meanwhile the rest of the team are taking on The Evil Dead to protect their employer. The three new recruits are making quite the impact but even amongst all the chaos Scavenger still has the ability to make light of things. He’s such a fun sadistic character. But it’s the match up between Steel and Death Nell, who we know from a previous issue used to be lovers, that really heats things up and I don’t mean that in the clichéd way.

We find out in this issue that N.U.R.S.E. is basically running a protection racket on all of the Game teams who were still playing when it was shut down, employing Dragon’s Claws as their enforcers and feeding them disinformation on their targets so they would think they were doing the right thing. This was hinted at when Dragon went up against The High Father in #3 and when another team was desperately worried about a non-payment to someone in #5.

As such, it’s a bit of a disappointment that this was the answer to the mystery all along. I’d guessed it months ago and so assumed it couldn’t be something as obvious, that it was misdirection. As a result I discounted the idea and was looking forward to finding out the complexities behind all of the mysteries. That’s not to say if the comic had continued it wouldn’t have kept developing the plot into something far bigger of course, but for now this seems to be it. Maybe the next couple of issues will prove me wrong.

After kissing him, Nell pleads with Steel to work with her like in the old days. She easily could’ve ripped out his throat with her jagged teeth during that kiss and so this has Steel questioning everything, asking himself if he should believe her and if they’re fighting the wrong people. The reader already knows he should be fighting N.U.R.S.E. but will we see a turn of fortunes for Nell in the remaining issues?

Matron starts cleaning house, eliminating her top managerial team in a Bond villain-esque way before moving on to a much more dangerous target. After containing Golding and Deller in a flaming death trap room, Stenson is the first of our main characters to die as he escapes only to unknowingly step into the same room as Slaughterhouse. However, only seconds later Dragon finds Slaughterhouse unconscious and barely alive on the floor before a voice in the darkness tells him they’re delighted to have the two of them “to play with now”.

Then we turn to the final page.

Okay, look, I know this is meant to be a shocking ending with the reveal of who Matron is but Dragon’s exclamation seems a bit over-the-top. With a name like ‘Matron’ and the glimpses we’ve seen I was expecting a woman in some form of nurse’s outfit (especially with the name of the company she runs) and if Dragon stood up her size isn’t really an issue either. Maybe in the 80s, when times were different this would’ve made an impact but nowadays she looks a bit like a lovely former manager of mine, her facial expression even matching the one my previous boss would pull when telling a particularly rude joke.

As a result, for me personally it’s hard to judge how this would’ve been received by readers at the time. As it stands it’s the first story moment in eight issues when I’ve been left a little disappointed so I can’t complain really. On the opposite page sits Steel’s fact-file with information on his father belonging to the Yakuza so apparently they’re still around thousands of years into the future.

It’s not confirmed here if Steel’s (or rather Ikeda’s) dad was killed so I’m assuming this could be yet another little breadcrumb of possible future storylines if the comic had been a success. Sadly we just won’t know. The letters page is conspicuous by its absence this issue. Not enough coming in? Or perhaps the comic’s cancellation gave them pause in answering questions about future stories?

Instead, two adverts and one of those Classifieds pages we saw all the time in Marvel UK comics make up the remainder of the comic. Marvel’s own promotion for three graphic novels isn’t the most inspired design but gets the point across and on the back page is an advert for a movie I’ve never heard of before, which is surprising given the director and that cast!

Just two issues of Dragon’s Claws remain and that makes me sad. Cliffhanger aside this has been a blast, although there’s a definite feeling of the pace very suddenly quickening and a lot of exposition happening. Only with hindsight does it feel like Simon is quickly trying to move the story towards a satisfying climax. At the time I don’t think anyone would’ve guessed that.

If I’m right then at least that means we should get more answers and hopefully a nice conclusion for most of our characters over the next couple of months. Perhaps some threads planted in earlier issues won’t get elaborated on but if the main ones get tied up instead of the story just suddenly stopping (like we saw with Havoc) then I’ll be very happy, I’m sure. The penultimate review will be here on Sunday 4th February 2024.

iSSUE SEVEN < > iSSUE NiNE

DRAGON’S CLAWS MENU

HAPPY NEW YEAR: 2024 iS HERE!

For me personally, 2023 has been a pretty good year, culminating in the best holiday season yet. So yep, after a couple of tough years things are definitely on the up and looking pretty for the one ahead. I know for some the 1st of January is “just another day” but to many it’s a symbolic moment of newness, a chance to look forward to a whole 12 months of possibilities. That’s certainly true for me this year, I have to say.

As you can see Christmas has been full of friends, fun, laughter, food, cherished traditions and a cat. A cat will always make everything even better. I’ve had a wonderful December, not just in real life away from this MacBook, but also while I’ve been in front of its screen writing the blog. The site has also beaten its previous record for visitors this year (again) and I couldn’t be more thankful to you all for your support and kind words throughout 2023.

There are big plans afoot for both the blog and myself in 2024. In fact, there’s so much happening on the OiNK Blog this coming year that I’ve had to plan pretty much all of it out, working out what’s going to be published when for the entire year. There’s just so much to come and I want to make sure I write it all! There’s also a pet project of mine I’ll announce later in the year when I’ve actual concrete work to show you, something that will spin off from the blog into the world of physical paper.

I’m really excited for the year ahead and I hope you all have a Very, Very Happy New Year and a fun 2024!

CHRiSTMAS 2023

HANDHELD JURASSiC PARK: RETRO ‘RAPTORS

Upon first spotting this post you may be wondering why I’m talking about a videogame on a classic comics blog. Well, regular readers may remember back when I was reading Dark Horse International’s Jurassic Park comic that the advertisement for this game and the subsequent competition to win a copy of the Nintendo GameBoy version brought back many happy memories of playing it at the time. Those memories have now ended up costing me money.

Then, earlier this year I bought a bookazine about the history of Nintendo and the chapters covering this little joyful plastic box had me grinning from ear-to-ear so much that I invested in a refurbished GameBoy and a few games. I’m delighted to say those rose-tinted glasses weren’t playing tricks on me and I’ve been having a blast with it. When I eventually teared myself away from Tetris (easier said than done) I replaced its cartridge with Jurassic Park’s and travelled even further down memory lane.

So, I’d decided to follow up on my wistful reminiscing about the game with actually getting my hands on it again all these years later. I thought you might like to take a closer look with me. Those adverts for the multi-format game were brilliant, playing off of the Street Fighter II craze at the time with a killer tagline. Despite no GameBoy screenshots (they’d always show the so-called ‘prettiest’ versions in the ads) I remember desperately wanting to get my hands on it for my handheld.

I think I got the game before the next issue, which actually contained images of the version I was playing as part of that month’s phone-in competition. I wouldn’t have been allowed to enter these anyway, they cost a fortune, so I was happy to have the game already. I remember it not having anything to do with the plot of the film, with Dr. Alan Grant instead walking about with a huge gun(!) but that never put me off because it was just so much fun.

I recall playing it late at night, long after I was meant to be asleep for school the next day, viewing it through one of those huge, cumbersome GameBoy magnifier accessories with a built-in light and having to take little breaks because it was so damn heavy! These restrictions obviously no longer apply and I’ve been playing this game (and others) quite a lot, getting plenty of jealous looks from people around my age on public transport, accompanied by looks of confusion from younger generations.

I decided to spend a little extra on the GameBoy and get a refurbished model and the same applies to the games, simply because I’d like to have them all in their original boxes and in great condition so my collection looks as good as possible on the shelf. The Jurassic Park game arrived in near mint condition and I couldn’t have been happier. It even included the manual and some advertising leaflets for other games. I’d forgotten all about these.

The manual also contains some basic details on the dinosaurs and from reading these it’s possible to glean how they could act in the game, although this hasn’t been particularly helpful with the T-rex. With my collection started I needed a way to figure out what other games (ones I didn’t own at the time) would be worth my money, especially if I was prepared to pay a little more for them. It’s not like I could easily shrug it off if a game was crap.

With writing a classic comics blog, one which has already included Commodore Format, it’s only natural I’d turn to some contemporary viewpoints. Instead of relying on people’s memories for recommendations or retro reviews which often unfavourably compare them to modern games, I wanted to read the opinions of those who were playing the GameBoy at the time, those who had been invested in it as a ‘modern’ gaming device.

As it turns out options were limited. The only magazine I found on eBay dedicated solely to this machine was GB Action from Europress Interactive. This same company had published a truly awful Commodore 64 magazine in the early 90s called Commodore Power, but beggars can’t be choosers as the saying goes and so I’ve started buying issues which contain previews and reviews of games I’m interested in. As it turns out, it’s not a half bad way of doing my research.

You can see the game in action in these three short videos

The reviews aren’t exactly in-depth and each 68-page magazine can be read in very little time but it does what I need it to do. I bought my first few games for my new GameBoy before buying any of these issues so their review of Jurassic Park ended up being a kind of test in a way. As it turns out their review pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about the game as I play it now, decades after its release.

Finally we get to the game itself and you can see it in action in these three short videos of the initial levels, after which I become completely and utterly stuck and I’m not going to show you that out of embarrassment.

The first thing that struck me is that John Williams’ music is nowhere to be heard throughout the game, despite this being a fully licenced title, but after a while I just started playing it with the soundtrack playing on my HomePod so it made little difference. The Velociraptors and Dilophosauruses keep the player on their toes and a keen memory is needed to remember the layouts of the security buildings in which pass keys are needed to unlock the main gate and escape into the rest of the park.

In most levels of the game there are dinosaur eggs lying about the place and these must all be either destroyed or collected. Of course, collecting them means more points and rewards but in the levels in which pass keys are needed they’re essential, the keys only made available to you after all the eggs have been taken care of. This means venturing into all the nooks and crannies of the maps, including the undergrowth where anything could leap out at you.

Playing that first level made me feel like a child again but I have no recollection at all of this Triceratops stampede which popped up next. I definitely got a lot further in the game as a teenager but my ageing memory initially thought the levels were all pretty similar. This stampede is really tough, mainly thanks to the fact you have to guide Tim to safety which isn’t easy when he constantly stays a few feet behind you, often putting herself in harms way when you try to turn left or right and he’s jumping out in front of a dinosaur just to remain at the right distance from you!

Reading OiNK led me to Jurassic Park, which in turn led me back to this game and now I’ve a new hobby

I’ll admit it took a few goes to get through this and of course because it’s a retro game there are only so many lives to play with until it’s game over and we have to start all over again from scratch. Thankfully there are a handful of continues on top of the lives handed out, which gave me 12 chances altogether before turning off the GameBoy and plugging Tetris or Super Mario Land back in.

Moving on and the sparks of memory surged a little as I remembered the next level in which Grant is on a rowing boat making his way to the next area of the park. Each press of the button pulls Grant’s arms in once and moves him a tiny bit up the screen in whatever direction you have his boat facing. This technique takes a long time to master. Timing is key. Being on the water it’s not easy to turn in a different direction, you have to wait until he’s stopped rowing, plus you can’t speed ahead because you don’t know what’s about to come down the screen. Also, if you stop Grant will start coasting back downwards again towards any danger you’ve already passed!

The game is definitely a challenge and I remember it being so back in 1993. I just had a lot more patience back then, even after playing it for ages and having to start over, which I did without a thought at that age. I don’t care that it’s not close to the premise of the film or its characters. Look at the system it’s on, it was never going to be too complex but it’s still Jurassic Park to me and a hugely enjoyable slice of it too.

Reading OiNK in real time led me to doing the same with Jurassic Park, which in turn led me back to this game and now I’ve a new hobby. Playing Nintendo GameBoy games on an original machine is always going to be the best way to play these, and with Lemmings and Pinball Dreams gratefully received for Christmas it looks like I’m back in this world for a long time to come. So thanks Jurassic Park! Now, one more go to sneak past that Tyrannosaurus rex in level four. Young me would be so ashamed of me right now…

JURASSiC PARK MENU

CHRiSTMAS 2023

THE OiNK! BOOK 1989: SHORT BUT OH SO SWEET

Released towards the end of the summer in 1988 and advertised in the final two issues of OiNK, after the comic’s cancellation it felt like a long time coming for The OiNK! Book 1989 to finally fall into my trotters on Christmas Day that year. As I mentioned in the preview post, with a reduction in pages from the previous annual and a thinner paper stock it really does feel a lot smaller this time around. But it’s still 68 pages (including cover) of prime pork. That’s got to be reason enough to celebrate, surely?

The cover by acclaimed OiNK illustrator J.T. Dogg (real name Malcolm Douglas) is equal parts gorgeous and gruesome, with some little icky details for kids to pour over. It’s bold and brash and certainly stood out amongst the other children’s annuals, just like OiNK always had. In fact, it stood out even more than it had in the adverts because they decided to swap the colours of the logo around, possibly because it would work better against that dark brown background. I think it works much better this way (and we still get the pink regardless).

That background gives a hint as to what was on the back cover. I remember seeing it in the shop and half expecting it to be the rear of the butcher’s head, this cover clearly being a riff on the piggy face from The OiNK! Book 1988 and I laughed quite loud when I turned it over that first time. We’ll get to that at the end, we’ve the insides to cover first, beginning with the obligatory welcome page with something you’d only see in OiNK at the time: credits.

Genius scriptwriting from Lew after he was told by co-editor Mark Rodgers only the first two pages would be printed in colour

Uncle Pigg may be relying on more easily managed cards rather than an artist chiselling the names into stone like last year, but this bright and colourful welcome was just what the piggy ordered when I opened it on Christmas morning. Even today it feels like reuniting with old friends. Yes, the comic may have only ended two months ago but Ian Jackson’s contributions were becoming rarer so this is a wonderful return to form. It’s great to see certain names back too, especially Jeremy Banx who had left when the comic went monthly. 

Halfway through reading the book it was clear to me what I was going to highlight first and it’s more gorgeousness from J.T. Dogg, this time written by Lew Stringer. That combination can only mean one thing, it’s Ham Dare: Pig of the Future. Last seen in The OiNK! Book 1988 I’d always remembered Ham and Pigby in serialised stories, yet only their first one was published that way. Here they get a three-page tale with a genius piece of scriptwriting from Lew after he was told by co-editor Mark Rodgers that only the first two would be printed in colour.

Normally a comic would just carry on regardless on to the black and white page but if something is “normally” done then we should really know by now that’s not what OiNK would do. Actually having it referred to is genuinely funny and Malcolm’s work is no less lovely. The third and fourth panels of that page in particular had me roaring, between the name of the weapon beam (and the reason for it) and the name of The Weakun’s henchman!

Ham Dare would return in the OiNK! Holiday Special 1989 the following year and make the cover for the only time, with a story originally written as his second serial and I for one can’t wait. There’s another serial of sorts in here, a set of four mini-posters based on Jeremy Banx’s original Butcherwatch idea, however this time each one is drawn by a different artist. Eric ‘Wilkie’ Wilkinson, Mike Higgs, Les ‘Lezz’ Barton and Banx himself. What a team! Of course, Jeremy has to have the last word, right at the very end of the book.

We just never knew when Jimmy ‘The Cleaver’ Smith would pop up, did we? While there are still three special editions of OiNK to come between now and April 2025 this book feels like an end to the regular comic. Yes, this was already in the shops and Santa already had it saved for me, but with Jimmy bursting through to threaten pig pals at the end it felt like the perfect way to wrap things up. It was like he was telling us he was always going to be about, even if the comic wasn’t.

Obviously what he says about OiNK was no longer going to be the case, but that’s because this page was created a long time before the book was published, long before the comic even went monthly, back when Jeremy was still contributing. Someone else from back in those mists of time who makes a rather brief return here (courtesy of Ian Jackson again, written by Mark Rodgers) was Hadrian Vile and his diary. It may only be half a page, and the captions aren’t typed out, but boy was I happy to see him again no matter how briefly.

Way back in the preview issue’s review I mentioned how Burp’s story in OiNK would culminate in an epic tale that taught a very young me about puberty. You may have thought I was joking. Well, maybe it was a slight exaggeration. Raging Puberty is a huge eight-page Burp strip from Banx, set in the far future and recounting an ancient rite of passage amongst the alien species, using our pal (their “lost son”) as an example.

I read and enjoyed this strip during Christmas 1988, particularly the daft fight that takes place, the imaginative weaponry and the funny designs. However, skip forward a few years and a young teenage me decided to reread the book for the first time since. I saw this next strip in a completely different light. I thought, “How did they get away with this?” on more than one occasion while outrageously laughing (before taking it to school to show to all my friends, obviously).

Straight away the descriptive captions are classic Banx, reminiscent of some absolutely brilliant Burp strips in the later fortnightlies when he was often given a double-page spread to fill with his unique style of storytelling. Even though this is a comic strip the words alone paint such a picture that the images are barely needed. But what on Earth (or elsewhere) has this got to do with the title and the reason I found it so funny a few years later? The answer is found on the next page.

Not exactly subtle and that’s why I couldn’t believe OiNK, a children’s comic, got away with this. But even beyond The Round Furry Things there’s so much to laugh along with here, such as the grizzled old warrior who was tired of being a boy and Burp’s innocence at what he thought being a grown up was all about. Then there’s the dramatic change in angle with the lone caption, “and Burp had a very sweet tooth.” It reminds me of that famous, “and the dolphin’s name was Keith” moment from Jeremy’s Mr Big Nose in #22.

I’ve really missed his work in the comic.

I’m not sure if it’s just a good gag or if Jeremy was making a bit of a point with the first panel on the fifth page, but I think it’s both funny and poignant that battle cries and fear sound exactly the same. Then the story takes a brief break to detail Gunk’s weapon of choice, the Mauser! Only Jeremy could come up with a gun that feeds electricity to a small rodent’s fear receptors to provoke it to do a literal death stare. The silencer is just the icing on the cake.

Arguably the next page is even funnier. The fight escalates, Burp using his unique bodily functions we’ve all come to know and love and be grossed out by, then as it’s all building to a climax the story casually breaks again to have a closer look at another animal-based weapon. Burp is usually a pacifist but it suits him, doesn’t it? We even get a bit of Marlon Brando from On the Waterfront, although that would definitely have gone over my head in 1988.

It all has to end in an even sillier manner and it does so with aplomb. As a fan it’s fun to see the insides of Burp’s body again and how the little fellas do all their hard work for nothing. On the final page is a message that as a kid I took to mean we should never want to grow up, that adults are just silly, so why would we want to be them? As an adult now and looking around at the world today, I think that message is pretty much on point.

Jeremy Banx was both shocked and dismayed, joking about how concerned he was for my wellbeing

So anyway, a few years later I hit that time when things start to change and life can feel very confusing. It wasn’t something we talked with our friends about, we didn’t realise what was going on after all, but then I happened to read this again. I’m not going to say things suddenly made sense! (Did you read it?!) But it was enough for me to realise I wasn’t alone and it could be something to look back on and have a giggle about, so it couldn’t be all that bad.

I once mentioned to Jeremy how a young and impressionable me viewed this strip in my early teenage years and he was both shock and dismayed, joking about how concerned he was for my wellbeing. Typical Jeremy response. So, having been mentioned in the very first OiNK review on the blog we’ve now finally covered it and finished our regular read through, coming full circle. I’ve loved seeing this again after all these years.

Moving on and yes, the dreaded reprints we saw a handful of in the monthlies have even made their way into the annual, introduced by Uncle Pigg, promoted as a way for readers to check out what they may have missed out on. Even though I’d only started reading OiNK at #14 as a child there were still a few strips here I’d read before. But, even though I hadn’t read the majority I still felt these dampened the book as a whole, especially considering there’d already been a page cut.

As it turns out there are ten pages of reprints, meaning there are actually only 54 interior pages of new content. That’s only six more than the recent monthly issues or a Holiday Special. Even as a child I was very aware of this. These reprint pages are really the only place you’ll find mini-strips too. The rest is made up of much larger fare. There’s even a three-page Psycho Gran and a five-page Spectacles of Doom (which you can see some of in artist Andy Roper’s obituary).

The new content here is superb, second-to-none and some of the very best OiNK ever produced

This means the book is a rather quick read, especially if you skip the reprints. According to co-editor Patrick Gallagher cost cutting is partly to blame after Fleetway Publications took over from IPC Magazines (who had published the first half of OiNK’s run including the first book) and OiNK had survived the first round of cancellations. There’s a chance all the larger material here was already complete when Fleetway started to see the comic’s fortunes in a more negative light during the latter weeklies/early monthlies, and maybe the plugged was simply pulled on the rest of the book.

When OiNK’s stablemate titles such as Buster and Whizzer and Chips had 112 pages in their annuals for the same price (albeit cut down from 128) you couldn’t help but feel short changed as a pig pal. The new content here is superb, second-to-none and some of the very best OiNK ever produced! But I can’t help but wonder how amazing this book could’ve been! It could even have topped the previous one. With silly pages like this next one, it’s easy to see how.

Only in an OiNK Book could such a simple, cheeky gag like this take up a full page and be illustrated and coloured so gorgeously. However, even with all of these brilliant highlights I think I may have saved the fan favourite for last, at least as far as my memories are concerned. That’s because in 1988 it was so exciting and so funny to see two of Lew Stringer’s creations in the same strip, especially when they’re Pete and his Pimple and…. Pigswilla!

Actually, we even get Tom Thug popping up too (alongside his own snowy, Christmassy strip elsewhere), so that’s two-thirds of the Buster mergers included and it’s nice to see Pete reading OiNK again instead of that other comic. Ignore the heartbreaking caption about OiNK still being a periodical and watch as Pete’s pimple becomes the latest giant monster that only an equally giant robotic pig can save the world from.

I just love that panel showing us the pimple “terrorising the cities”. It may only be a small cameo for Pigswilla’s final appearance but we did get a superb epic strip for him back in #66 so this is a nice little addendum to say goodbye. Not that it would’ve been written as one but it works nicely anyway. When reading children’s stories to my friends’ kids I think I’ll stick to the moon being made of cheese, though. (Also, did you ‘spot’ the slightly obscured dig at W.H. Smith?)

I hope you’ve enjoyed this look at just some of the highlights from The OiNK! Book 1989. In more recent years I’ve seen some pig pals online somewhat dismiss it as nothing more than an inferior version of the first one. I hope I’ve been able to enlighten you a little on why some of the changes may have occurred and, most of all, shown you that the content in it is top notch OiNK all the way. Yes, it’s a little frustrating because this could’ve been a classic OiNK Book through and through, but the team still produced some of their very best work for it. If you see it on eBay you should definitely splash out the few quid it’ll cost you for some of the best laughs you’ll ever get from a comic book.

Just like last year the outro concludes what began earlier and, while it’s yet another example of the book publicising the ongoing comic after it was canned, it’s another great page by Ian Jackson. It’s always funny to see Mary Lighthouse get her comeuppance too, isn’t it? With superb script work throughout, plenty of laughs to be had, some stunning artwork and some gorgeous colours, The OiNK! Book 1989 may feel a little unfinished but as a way of ending the regular run of OiNK during the festive season it’s a pretty perfect piggy publication.

Just that back cover to go before I let you get back to that selection box you promised yourself you wouldn’t open again until Boxing Day. That hint on the front I alluded to earlier looked a bit like a wood effect finish behind the butcher’s head, don’t you agree? There’s a good reason for that.

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