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Comic Reviews, The Sleeze Brothers

THE SLEEZE BROTHERS #1: A BREATH OF (BOTTLED) FRESH AiR

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I can remember the day I bought this issue of Marvel UK’s (under the Epic Comics imprint) new monthly, The Sleeze Brothers. Sitting in my Aunt May’s house with my mum certain images were seared onto my retinas, in particular the strip’s title spread you’ll see further below. It’s been months since the brothers popped up in Doctor Who Magazine, so just how will they translate to full 22-page stories? Incredibly well is the answer to that.

The editorial is ‘written’ by a stereotypical Huggy Bear-type called Papa Beatbox, some form of MC who gives us a sort of origin story for El’ Ape and Deadbeat. Discarded test tube babies, Beatbox raised them as if they were his own and, despite their gruff, selfish, greedy exteriors they apparently have insides of pure gold. We’ll see about that. 

I didn’t realise Dan Abnett (Knights of Pendragon, Nova, Sinister Dexter) was associate editor until now. As I list those credited with working on The Sleeze Brothers I won’t be mentioning The Real Ghostbusters after their individual names. Just take it for granted that whoever I mention also worked on that comic unless I say otherwise! This was the main reason I loved this issue so much as a kid and why I’ve been really looking forward to it on the blog, because that aforementioned comic was such a childhood favourite.

Only a few pages in and the art team have definitely nailed it

So anyway, on to our strip which is called Nice ’n’ Sleazy. Written by John Carnell (Doctor Who, DC’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy comic) and pencilled by Andy Lanning (Digitek, Nova, Death’s Head II), they also created these characters. Inks are by Dave Hine (Zoids, Mambo, X-Men), colours are by Steve White (Xenozoic Tales, Transformers, editor on Visionaries, Havoc and Death’s Head), letters are by Bambos Georgiou (Slimer, co-creator of Speakeasy and Aces Weekly) and it’s all edited by Richard Starkings (Death’s Head, Dragon’s Claws, Elephantmen) who designed the comic’s logo and chatted with me in the introductory post about the comic’s creation and the Epic label.

After the plethora of artists behind the Doctor Who strip, the comic settles into its art style and I’m loving it from the very first page. This future world is so intricately designed by Andy, and he and Dave are an excellent partnership in bringing out all of the fun details, with Steve’s bright and often gaudy colours really making the pages pop more than anything I’ve read on the blog so far. Only a few pages in and the art team have definitely nailed it. What about the plot?

It’s a simple story but it’s the first issue so it’s main purpose is to introduce the main characters and the world in which they inhabit, with all of its grime, corruption, many and varied alien life forms and the comedic ineptitude of everyone (and everything – we see a police robot forget its directives mid-arrest) that make up the Earth of the future. The Sleeze Brothers actually get involved by accident here, when Finkelly lets a key witness against the Cosmos Father escape and, backed into a corner by his goons, he spots a flyer for the brothers’ detective agency (which doubles as the front cover) and pretends like he knows them.

We then get to meet up with El’ Ape and Deadbeat as they bust in on a husband partaking in some very extracurricular activity. This is the spread I mentioned above and I think you’ll be able to see why it was so memorable to my young eyes! I love the little details here too, such as El’ Ape’s pin badges, the fact we see the photo Deadbeat takes sliding out of the camera and even the husband’s surprised look reflected in El’ Ape’s sunglasses.

Thinking this proves that being private detectives is paying off, El’ Ape’s excitement is cooled when Deadbeat reminds him how much the camera, film and skeleton keys cost, then their last few remaining notes are ripped from his hands by their landlord. Deadbeat is sure they’re not going to earn enough in this line of work but El’ Ape is optimistic and says something always turns up “in these types of stories”. Is this a hint that they’re acknowledging being inside a comic? Even if it’s not, it’s funny.

Back in their office we meet Doris, their receptionist. Well, sort of. You see, she’s a computer and, despite this being set in the far future, Doris is an antiquated desktop complete with cassette deck, so completely unable to move about and do much of a receptionist’s job. She’s just one example of the insane characters John and Andy come up with throughout the issue.

Finkelly hires them to find his twin brother, showing them a picture of the runaway witness and obviously they look nothing like each other. “He parts his hair on a different side to me”, explains Finkelly. This and a suitcase full of cash is enough to convince the Sleezes the case is legit, despite Doris calling them out on it. Yes, these two aren’t exactly the sharpest, just in case you missed their misadventure with the Doctor.

In a scene that reminds me of a funny page in #5 of Death’s Head they start asking around and run into a whole bunch of weird and wacky folk, giving Andy a chance to draw up a variety of inhabitants of the city. This page should give you some indication of the imagination on show throughout the comic and this is only the beginning. Unsurprisingly, asking random strangers doesn’t work out. Without any other ideas they head off to Wong’s Air Bar.

The Air Bar plays up to our legitimate worries of climate change, hypothesising that in the future fresh air is such a luxury it’s bottled up inside pressurised bottles and sold like beer. Not that alcohol is in short supply either, El’ Ape throwing about the cash from their suitcase as if they’ve already solved the case. When the photo accidentally falls out the bar’s proprietor is able to point them in the right direction at last (after some eyes-down-the-barrel-of-a-gun persuasion).

I have to say I laughed at this panel above. The city is very much a spoof of Judge Dredd’s MegaCity One. As well as the so-called “undercover C.O.P.S.” (neither undercover nor decent cops) the brothers’ car is just a Volkswagon Beetle with hovercraft piping instead of wheels, delivery trucks use the same configuration and on other pages we see regular electrical sockets and other contemporary technology, giving it a lovely feel of a future world poking fun at the depictions of the future seen in 80s movies of the day.

The biggest thing that’s purposely out of place for me are public phone boxes (and not a mobile in sight). Here, Deadbeat explains all the technological security these have in order to stop tampering, theft, fee dodging etc., all of which he bypasses by simply sticking a bit of chewing gum on one of its parts. “Oldest trick in the book”, he says. Placing a call to several delivery companies for the building housing their target (that uncanny resemblance to a frog above), it’s bombarded with trucks which keeps the police occupied. The two-headed chief calls for phone line repairmen, who of course end up being the brothers in disguise. It’s a ridiculously convoluted plan and I love it. Although, they’re quickly caught by one of those inept RoboCops.

So that’s two oldest tricks in the book. The ludicrousness of this future world is what has delighted me the most. I had it in my head that the world itself would be more like that in Death’s Head, with some background gags and funny social commentary but for the most part it would play the straight guy to the main characters’ comedy. But in fact the inept duo, one being a loud mouth reactionary and one quiet and thoughtful, are actually the closest we get to normality. And that’s saying something!

Through a chase involving a comedy of errors our detectives catch up with the witness. Not that they know he’s a witness. Cornered and terrified, he whimpers at the end of a back alley while El’ Ape and Deadwood approach. El’ Ape grins. Deadwood is stoney faced as per usual. He clicks open his briefcase and it looks like a professional hit to the defenceless victim, until we see what Deadbeat was reaching for. What happens next over a double-page spread at the end of our story perfectly sums up the humour of the comic.

It’s been a wild and crazy ride and this is only the first issue. You’d be hard pushed to find a comic with a premiere issue that works as perfectly as this one. It feels like a fully developed comic, as if this were the sixth or so issue in its run. Of course, with a predetermined length of only six issues John and Andy had to hit the ground running. They’ve sprinted! Every page is packed full of fun, every gag lands, the leads feel fully formed and the world in which they inhabit is just as big a character as they are.

Let’s hope the remaining issues over the course of the rest of this year live up to the exceptionally high standard this premiere has laid out. It’s also got me thinking about finally finishing off my collection of The Real Ghostbusters to enjoy more of John’s and Andy’s work after this read through is finished. For now I’ll look forward to whatever they have in store for The Sleeze Brothers #2, which will be reviewed right here on the blog on Monday 29th July 2024.

DOCTOR WHO MAGAZiNE 147 < > iSSUE TWO

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Aliens, Comic Reviews

ALiENS #1: STOP YOUR GRiNNiN’ AND DROP YOUR LiNEN

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Off we go with the latest real time read through and this one is rather different than anything that’s been covered on the blog so far, being the first aimed at a mature audience. After licensing their Aliens comics to Trident in the UK, Dark Horse US decided to set up shop in London and print their strips in their own titles. Thus Dark Horse International was created. This was their first, and flagship, title.

I’ve already covered one of their comics. Jurassic Park not only adapted the movie into comic form it also contained the first ever official sequel to the film and book. Similarly, Dark Horse US’ Aliens continued the story of James Cameron’s amazing hit movie and lasted for decades, only coming to an end in recent years when Marvel rebooted it now that Disney owns both the comic publisher and 20th Century, the company behind the films.

As much as I do love the new Marvel series (it really is superb) I’ve been really excited to sink my teeth (just the one set) into these original stories. As explained in the introductory post I’m concentrating on the comics after Dark Horse International took over with Volume Two. At least for now. This is because these were the comics my friends collected at the time and the one I owned was part of this series too. So let’s get down to reliving it.

After John Bolton’s (Hellraiser, Man-Bat, The Evil Dead, and one of the first British artists to work on American comics) incredible, exclusive new front cover the editorial welcomes us to Dark Horse’s vision of what an Aliens comic should be, with Jurassic Park editor Dick Hansom given the title of ‘New Bug’. To place the comic in its time you can see Alien³’s release was imminent and in fact Dark Horse would publish a three-weekly, three-part (bit of a theme there) special series to commemorate. More on that movie as we go along.

So the first strip in the read through is Hive, part one of which takes up 20 pages. Altogether there are 52 pages with a good quality gloss cover and a matt stock inside, all in colour apart from the occasional advert. There’s also a 16-page Predator back up and a good selection of features, the overall format making it a very UK comic indeed. Let’s get started with Hive first of all. In the States each story was released as a mini-series whereas here they’d be printed in an ongoing comic, much like Jurassic Park. It opens with this scene-setting spread below.

This is the perfect opening for the first issue, feeling very much like the movie, complete with the heroine having a somewhat Sigourney Weaver-esque look. The Alien is brilliantly realised by Kelley Jones (The Sandman, Batman: Endgame, Micronauts), with Les Dorscheid’s (Dungeons & Dragons, Deadman, Nazz) muted colours adding to the atmosphere and Clem Robins‘(Amazing Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, Guardians of the Galaxy) letters. Of course in the film the Aliens are black, but conveying that in comic form can be difficult. Les’ use of colours here is inspired, fooling us into accepting this creature as black even though it has to be coloured differently for its details to stand out on the page.

Jerry Prosser’s (The Crow, Predator, editor on Sin City: A Dame to Kill For) story begins with Julian Lish trying to escape from an Alien in a scene that could’ve been lifted straight from the movie with its tight, dark corridors, motion tracking sensors and in the end the alien’s second jaw sliding out for the kill. That is, until an “Override Code” is announced over a loudspeaker and it just… stops.

This is Dr. Stan Mayakovsky and any initial confusion you might feel from this turn of events was echoed by me. That’s the whole point. He enters with his dog in tow who seems completely nonplussed with the H.R. Giger creation standing over them. What happens next continued the confusion as the dog drops their ball from their slobbery mouth and it rolls underneath the alien’s legs.

Didn’t expect that, did you? What with this bit of alien playfulness and our two human characters just standing next to it, even after it looked like Julian was about to be its victim, something is obviously amiss. (It hadn’t been released yet, but the dog in the original cut of Alien³ certainly didn’t get this treatment!) On the next page the alien sizes up to the professor, baring its teeth and hissing, my mind instantly remembering the accompanying scary sound from the films. Then it takes off down the corridor and… well…

I admit I laughed at this! And laughter is not something I thought this comic would produce a lot of. Yes, the film had its moments but those definitely didn’t come from the alien side of things. It does explain things though with its clearly robotic speech bubble. As ridiculous as it sounds to have a robotic alien in the story we must remember this is set in a future where completely convincing human androids also exist, so why not?

We get an insight into his addiction to a particular drug, a raw form of the slime produced by the aliens

The question is, why exactly has this thing been created? Not only that, but it’s being trained to hunt humans, or at the very least act convincingly like a killer. Called XL1, an out-of-breath Julian tells Stan it keeps getting better, that she’s struggling to stay ahead of it anymore, which pleases Stan immensely. However, Julian wonders what 10,000 of them would be like! It’s a terrifying thought and we know that the plans of greedy humans always lead to disaster in the film series. So what’s the reasoning?

It’s not clear yet if the professor works for the Weyland-Yutani Corporation from the films but we do get an insight into his addiction to a particular drug, a raw form of the slime (or “jelly” as it’s called here) produced by the aliens. It relieves his cancer symptoms and puts him into a sort of trance state where time slows down, his world goes blue and he revisits his memories of how he got to this point. It’s essentially a bit of exposition for the readers.

Having to buy the substance from drug dealers, he eventually met Julian and devised a plan to build an alien android to infiltrate a hive (that explains the reference to thousand of aliens and the title) and bring back the jelly. Stan is in it for himself, Julian appears to be in it for the money, and their mutual desire for the same outcome results in a passionate, mutually selfish love affair. Using the example of ants above and the aforementioned ability to make convincing androids, it’s an interesting set up for the first story in the comic series. There’s also a funny moment when Julian even suggests naming their alien ‘Norbert’!

In their ship The Dolomite they take a crew to a far-flung planet called A6 454 upon which humans have never set foot, and Stan and Julian stand up in front of their crew and ask for volunteers before showing them what they’re there for. As a bit of foreshadowing, revealing their android goes horribly wrong. Not that either seems to care.

I remember seeing scenes like this when I flicked through my friend’s Aliens comics as a teenager and being amazed it could show such images. I’d never seen anything like this in comics before. Anyway, Stan finally uses his override command to stop his android from continuing its killing spree and the final image of the strip has it holding another man’s head and looking directly at Stan. Whether this is where the original first part ended in the US comic or this is where the UK’s comic has cut it off is difficult to say, although the sudden end makes it feel more like the latter.

The first part of Hive is intriguing, full of atmosphere, has plenty of horrific moments and really sucked me into its world. It’s a fantastic start to the comic and this already has the potential to be an excellent read through. As a teen it was no wonder I loved the one issue I picked up if this is anything to go by. It would’ve shocked and scared me, and I would’ve been loving every page of it. Before moving on to the back up strip there’s a bit of news in The Motion Tracker segment and a middle-page spread about the making of Alien³.

I wonder if anyone actually went and rented The Commitments back then just to get a glimpse of the film? It’s interesting that there was a different direction for the film originally planned, so much so that a teaser was made. The Unnatural Selection spread isn’t the easiest to read but it does explain a lot of the infamous difficulties in making Alien³. I’m particularly interested in the various writers and script drafts and the evolution (hence the subtitle) of the story over the years before filming began. If this is an indication of the extras the comic will contain I can’t wait for future issues.

In case you’re wondering, the “Free Comic” on the cover is a sequel to Frank Miller and Dave Gibbons’ Give Me Liberty (which I’d never heard of until now despite it being a best seller) and nothing to do with the Aliens franchise. While the Predator movies would eventually cross over into the Aliens universe, at the time they had nothing to do with the franchise either. However, in comics they were always closely related and thus a perfect choice of back up strip.

Predator: Cold War is written by Mark Verheiden (Phantom, co-executive producer on Battlestar Galactica and Falling Skies), with pencils by Ron Randall (The Dreaming, Action Comics, Supergirl), inks by Steve Mitchell (Aquaman, Batman, G.I. Joe), colours by Chris Chalenor (Barb Wire, The Mask, Hieroglyph) and Rachelle Menashe (The Terminator, Icon, Virus), and letters are by Clem Robins again. Lieutenant Ligachev has been promoted by a General of her army just so he could send her to take charge of an oil field pumping station in the middle of the Siberian nowhere. When their equipment discovers large seismic activity accompanied by high levels of radiation they go to investigate, discovering the decapitated body of a local deer herder, strung up on a pole as if he’s on display, like an animal at the end of a successful hunt.

Soon they’re under attack by a Predator and, upon being hit and half buried in the snow, Ligachev can only watch as her young team are cut down one-by-one by this strange creature. Setting the beginning of the story in desolate ice fields adds a level of desperation to her plight but we soon find out she’s recounting it to a military tribunal who wants to send her back! 

If this is anything like Aliens then she’s probably being sent back out to face certain death in order for the government (rather than a private company) to get access to powerful weapons. As someone who has only ever seen the second movie a long, long time ago this plays out like a typical 80s monster movie, which is no bad thing of course. More interesting is how the rest of this 16-page chunk of the story tries hard to tie it in closer to the film series.

The American military have picked up on the weapons fire and automatically assumed the Soviets were test-firing nuclear weapons, so they reach out to General Philips. He was played by R.G. Armstrong in the first film although here he’s described as having something to do with the “business in New York last summer” and I’m not sure what that’s in reference to. After all, the first film was set in Central America and the second in Los Angeles.

A second character, a New York sheriff, is seen having flashbacks to being attacked by a Predator (while at the dentist no less, so double the horror!) so maybe it’s in reference to an earlier Predator comic, perhaps one printed in Trident’s first volume. Meanwhile, the general goes to meet a Detective Schaefer who turns out to be the brother of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character Dutch, still M.I.A. from the first film. As you can see he’s drawn as another version of Arnie and basically feels like a way of getting the big name star into the strip without actually doing so.

So far, as someone who knows next to nothing about Predator the opening scenes were exciting but the introduction of Schaefer feels a bit like the Jurassic Park comic’s own desperate attempt to get another character from the film into its sequel strip, when it reintroduced Robert Muldoon who had clearly been killed by the Velociraptors in the movie. I’ll not dwell. Going into the Predator strips essentially blind means I can just enjoy them for what they are.

Towards the rear of the comic are three pages detailing some of the weaponry used by the Colonial Marines in the Aliens movie. For fictional weapons the Technical Readout really does go into a lot of detail. If this is the beginning of the comic adding some background depth to not only itself but also the universe of the films then it’s another great start. These pages bring back exciting memories of their onscreen use, especially the M56 Smart Gun as used by Jenette Goldstein’s Vasquez character, decades before “smart” devices became the things to own.

Finally, just as in Jurassic Park (and many Marvel UK comics) we get a comics checklist, although at this stage Aliens was Dark Horse International’s only UK title so it focusses solely on the imported comics available in specialist comics shops. These weren’t as easily found at the time (Northern Ireland only had two such shops back then) so for most of us these were beyond our reach. It’ll be interesting to see this develop as the company settled (at least temporarily) into this part of the world.

With that we come to the end of the first issue and it’s off to a cracking start. The Aliens strip itself is fantastic and it hasn’t really got going yet, but the set up has plenty of potential for things to go horribly wrong for the cocky humans. Predator is also enjoyable and might be more so once I actually watch the films (which I now want to do, so that’s another good point) and the extras are interesting. Lots of potential here. This is a lengthy read through that’ll take us all the way to March 2026, so settle in and come back on Tuesday 23rd July 2024 for the next instalment.

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Comic Reviews, OiNK Contributors

BARMY COMiX: DOWNLOAD DOLTS

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Created by master of mirth Lew Stringer, Barmy Comix was released for free online in 2020 in response to a delay in the publication of his next Combat Colin comic due to Covid. Bringing some much needed cheer to a locked down world when access to new comics was impossible, it has 32 pages (or screens) of strips taken from various publications in the Lewniverse, including a nine-page preview of the next issue of Combat Colin.

That’s not all from the moronic militia man though. There’s a classic from the Transformers days, when Lew’s strips were at their height later in the run with Day of the Gunge, a strip I fondly remember reading first time around when I was a much smaller human. There’s also a full-colour adventure with Colin and Semi-Automatic Steve I hadn’t read before from the pages of Aces Weekly. This on its own is worth the price of entry. Not that there is any price, but you get my drift.

Loose Brayne, aka Brickman is in here too. It’s quite possibly the barmiest strip of the whole comic and that’s certainly saying something. The Brickman Meets The Mad Cobbler is classic Lew turned up to ten. I love the character of Albert and on the next page we see that it’s actually the big fancy house, Brayne Manor, that sits in a cave while Brickman’s supposedly secret lair is above ground for all to see.

This should give you some idea of the chaos to expect if you’ve never read a Brickman strip before. Set in “Pre-Holocaust Thatcherite Britain” it’s an ingenious mix of slapstick, social commentary and daft gags. It’s probably my favourite out of the whole issue. Saying that, there’s also a second story of his, Brickman and Trowel Meet Professor Deranged! Nothing subtle about the villain names in this comic.

Derek the Troll’s strip takes the form of one of those Make-Your-Own-Adventure books we had as kids (OiNK had its own version back in #5). Derek was originally created for role-playing magazine Warlock and that’s where this strip comes from. Lew has also released a comic reprinting all of Derek’s misadventures which I’ve already reviewed on the blog and (spoiler) enjoyed immensely.

Derek the Troll’s ‘orrible Troll-Playing Game is almost impossible to win, throwing a spanner in the works every time you think you’ve made the right decision, its curveballs and surprises keeping you laughing all the way to the end. There are also two full-colour strips of Derek’s from the short-lived digital comic Goof and he’s the star of one of the mini-posters scattered throughout Barmy Comix, ready to be printed out and Blu-Tac’ed to your wall if you’re feeling particularly nostalgic.

One creation of Lew’s I’d never heard of before reading this comic during the pandemic was Pedantic Stan the Comics Fan. Co-created with former Marvel UK editor and the utter gentleman behind comics news site Down the Tubes John Freeman, he was created for comic newspaper Speakeasy in the 1990s (an earlier edition of which has already appeared on the blog). Lew has also released the complete collection of Stan’s strips in a small, landscape format comic which was a hoot to read. It’s been a while since I’ve read it so it was fun to see his Full-Page Christmas Special again.

Also in here is a touching strip from the Undefeated Spirit of Hope book released in 2011 in the wake of the natural disasters in New Zealand and Japan of that year, finishing off the comic on the back page. Altogether this has reminded me of The Marvel Bumper Comic, which introduced me to comics and characters I hadn’t previously read among a mix of hugely enjoyable, hand-picked reprints of some of my favourites.

Barmy Comix was (and still is) free although Lew does ask fans if they could donate a small sum of £2.00 towards the creation of future comics in his range. This was particularly relevant during the pandemic but it’s such a small ask in return for the many laughs we get from each and every one of his publications. To download it just click on the link below to Lew’s own blog and please do remember to donate.

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Comic Reviews, Death's Head

DEATH’S HEAD 8: DOCTOR… WHAT?!

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As I collected Death’s Head’s comic for the blog I couldn’t help but notice the covers for the final three issues all prominently displayed characters from other publications. Crossovers were usually an event and used sparingly in my comics as a kid so my initial reaction to seeing these was that they were really, really trying to get a bigger audience for the comic, which made me think sales weren’t great. A bit of a leap perhaps, but three crossovers in a row?

This issue we see the Seventh Doctor (as played by Sylvester McCoy on TV) guest star after our Freelance Peace-Keeping Agent first appeared in Doctor Who Magazine and ended up reduced to human size by the time-traveling alien. It’s clear from the cover and the editorial inside that the opportunity for revenge has presented itself and Death’s Head intends to follow it through. But first, a surprise in the credits!

Unlike all previous issues, which were written by the character’s co-creator Simon Furman, this chapter is written by Steve Parkhouse (Nick Fury Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., The Bojeffries Saga, Doctor Who – unsurprisingly) who also inks Art Wetherell’s (Transformers, The Incredible Hulk Presents, Sheena Queen of the Jungle) pencils. Annie Halfacree letters and Louise Cassell colours a strip that feels very different than usual. Plus, Steve White (editor of Visionaries, colourist on Jurassic Park) takes over as editor after Richard Starkings had resigned.

The plot involves Josiah W. Dogbolter, a character of Steve Parkhouse’s and Steve Dillon‘s from DWM in the Fifth Doctor days, whose company wants to make money out of time travel by privatising it. How could time travel be privatised? In the 80s we thought the same thing about water and the railways. This is clearly taking a dig at Margaret Thatcher’s government of the time, something Simon’s Dragon’s Claws was very good at. It’s nice to see this kind of satire make its way into the more comedy-focussed title.

Dogbolter finishes his speech to his shareholders and the press with the phrase, “Time IS money!!” and I have to hand it to him for that one. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that the businessman has had previous run-ins with The Doctor and that’s why he’s wanting to control the very essence of time travel. The first panel above sums up the entirety of the plot for this issue, found on the second page.

This comic could never be accused of having intricate plot lines, usually they’re just a means to an end. But when those ends are so full of character, action and laughs, when they’re so enjoyable, they do the job. This issue is no exception. Hob is Dogbolter’s robotic assistant and is sent out (in delivery boy uniform no less) to hire Death’s Head for an assassination attempt on The Doctor. Needless to say, he accepts the job.

“Poot? This is some Time Machine, yes?”

Death’s Head

What he doesn’t know is that Dogbolter was looking for “a skilled assassin who’s not only spectacularly stupid, but psychotically aggressive, amoral, and lacking any kind of imagination whatsoever” and Hob’s conclusion was to approach our lead character. It becomes apparent later in the strip why his boss was looking for someone with these particular traits. But first, on a dark and stormy post-apocalyptic night in a future Los Angeles, the powerful time travelling device gets strapped to Death’s Head and he dramatically sets off. Well, sort of.

It’s not exactly the TARDIS. A fun segment takes Death’s Head through various points in time before he’s able to find The Doctor. First of all he lands in an English parish in 1646. Leaving just moments later it was enough for the poor woman whose garden he appeared in to be sentenced to death for summoning a demon. Two huge shoed footprints are uncovered by archaeologists digging for Triassic period fossils and then he appears in front of a German tank during World War II!

Lots of laughs later we see The Doctor is also attempting to make an audience smile as he plays a court jester in a panto taking place in front of tourists on an English seaside pier. I have no idea why this is, perhaps it ties into a story in Doctor Who Magazine at the time. A loud noise from behind him sends the audience into the usual pantomime chant of “He’s behind you”, to which The Doctor naturally replies, “Oh not he isn’t”, leading to this next page.

That’s an entrance. Using some panto clichés, namely pulling a lever to open a trap door under Death’s Head and then escaping as one half of a pantomime horse (no, really), The Doctor makes his way back to the TARDIS and scarpers to another time and place. This really is all rather ridiculous, even for the far-fetched nature of this comic but then again we have to remember this was published during 80s Doctor Who.

I have a real fondness for Sylvester’s Doctor. He was my first but I didn’t start watching until the beginning of his second season (with the phenomenal Remembrance of the Daleks) when he became a darker and more mysterious character, often instigating the plot rather than reacting to an injustice. But when this comic was written only his first season had been broadcast in which he was much more of a clown, fumbling his way through time while playing the spoons!

This explains a lot about his actions in Time Bomb, and especially the ludicrous escape he’s just made. 

So he may not feel like my Doctor but it’s still an entertaining strip. Death’s Head is able to somehow materialise inside the TARDIS (this is never explained) direct from the sea he’d plunged into under the pier. An alarm sounds and soon he finds out he’s been double-crossed. Dogbolter not only ensured The Doctor would be killed but that there wouldn’t be any witnesses to tie things back to him.

Over the next couple of pages we see Death’s Head and The Doctor work together as much as they ever will, not exactly with each other but they have a mutual wish to survive and that’s enough for now. They lock on to the source of the signal and materialise on top of Intra-Venus Inc.’s (brilliant name) roof, much to Dogbolter’s chagrin. As he heads to the sub-basement shelter, inside the TARDIS Death’s Head tries to convince The Doctor to blast the straps of the machine off his back.

The patter between these two is very good. Death’s Head explains he never learned how to worry but that The Doctor is about to be blown up and end up in hell, so he tells him he’d better get to work. Using something called a Piklok (a new invention, but why not the Sonic Screwdriver?) he manages to unstrap the time machine while elsewhere Dogbolter has lost his ID card and can’t get off the elevator in time to escape before this next page.

I have an issue with this. A big one. It’s been established the time machine is nuclear-powered, so why did The Doctor not dispose of it in deep, dark space? Why bring it back to Earth? The size of the explosion is meant to indicate the end of Dogbolter and his company, but that would also include everyone else in that building and at the very least the surrounding buildings too! The Doctor would never put innocent human lives at risk, never mind actually blowing them to bits!

Back in Doctor Who Magazine #135 he also put Earth at risk by dropping Death’s Head off here, even though he acknowledged how dangerous that would be for his favourite planet. It’s not like the Seventh Doctor had it in for us humans, he held the same morals as all the rest, including the modern day incarnations (if you’re unfamiliar with the classic series). It’s a huge sticking point for me and kind of ruins the end of a fun story.

With this in mind it’s quite galling of The Doctor to then try to lecture our mechanoid anti-hero on his behaviour. Death’s Head’s response is funny though, I’ll give the strip that. The Doctor tells him that humans can evolve and change their evil ways, which Death’s Head simply describes as falling apart. After all, he’s programmed, and metal; if he changes from that then he’s literally falling apart. It’s black and white to him.

“A thousand years from now I’ll be rich… but you’ll be dead.”

Death’s Head

As The Doctor leaves he tells Death’s Head that he’s doomed, that in a thousand years people will be different be he’ll still be the same. “A thousand years from now I’ll be rich… but you’ll be dead”, he retorts. There’s no use in trying to push it, so as the TARDIS doors close he’s told he’s just a machine, a tool, one that nobody truly needs. Death’s Head muses that The Doctor is probably right, but then realises he doesn’t care; he’s home and ready to earn money again.

The final few panels pull back to reveal a not-so-subtle hint of who will be guest starring in #9. Anyone unsure (as I would’ve been at the time if I’d been reading this as a kid, I wasn’t a superhero comic reader), the answer to the final letter on the Head To Head page gives the game away not only for the next issue but the final one beyond that.

Then again, what’s the point in crossovers if you can’t market the hell out of them in advance to try to increase sales, yes?

I really enjoyed this story but that explosive ending bugs me. I don’t mean to dwell but as a fan of Doctor Who it’s just so out of character, so out of sync with what the series stands for, that I can’t let it go. I know nothing about The Fantastic Four so if they suffer the same fate I’ll be none the wiser. We’ll see how Death’s Head fares with four super-powered humans in #9, so watch out for the review on Monday 1st July 2024.

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Comic Reviews, G.I. Joe, Transformers: Generation 2

G.I. JOE #138: MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE

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I do love it when I get to start a brand new real time read through and this is one I’ve been particularly looking forward to. Not only have I never read Transformers: Generation 2 before (and as usual I’ll be discovering it one month at a time and telling you about it as I do) but the story actually kicked off in a special crossover event in the pages of another favourite comic, G.I. Joe.

I discovered the Joes and Cobra when they were known as Action Force in the UK in their position as back up strip in Transformers, after their own weekly was cancelled. When reading their adventures as part of that read through on the blog’s Instagram I became a huge fan all over again, collected some of IDW’s continuation and am now a dedicated reader of the same comic under the stewardship of Image Comics.

In case you didn’t know, this actual comic continues to this day and it’s still being written by Larry Hama! So going back to read these issues is extra exciting for me because they’re earlier stories of the new comic I’m reading today. Regarding that title on the cover, the Ninja Force were a sub-section of both sides of the conflict and a new range of Hasbro toys at the time. With Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow as the main characters the comic’s name was temporarily changed to promote the range.

Instantly I recognise the art style, that unique Marvel UK look produced by Andrew Wildman and Stephen Baskerville

That secondary title would be replaced with ‘and Transformers: Generation 2’ from the next issue and initially I thought that was where I’d begin with the four-part story between #139 and #142. But this issue was also in the bundle of comics I purchased from eBay and a quick flick through it showed me why. You’ll see why, so let’s begin.

Instantly I recognise the art style, that unique Marvel UK look produced by Andrew Wildman (also on cover duties) on pencils and Stephen Baskerville on inks, now in this American comic. Together they produced some incredible art for the original Transformers towards the end of its run. Andrew is best know for his Transformers, The Real Ghostbusters and G.I. Joe work, while it’s the former two and 2000AD for Stephen. The art is completed with letters by Rick Parker (Spider-Man, Time magazine, Tales From the Crypt) and colours by Bob Sharen (Alpha Flight, Ghost Rider, Invincible Iron Man), both of whose work I recognise from those earlier back up strips.

“I want that uxorious chrome-visaged twit and his xanthippic consort winkled out like the limeceous bivalves they are!”

Cobra Commander

So I immediately felt right at home. Things begin with one of my favourite characters, Scarlett going through a mental crisis. She’s apparently defected to Cobra although in reality this is just an undercover mission. However, she believes her actions led to the death of Hawk and Stalker, however they survived whatever transpired in previous issues. She just doesn’t know this yet.

Obviously I haven’t read the chapters leading up to this so I can only tell you what happens here. In a nutshell Destro and Baroness are trying to escape from Cobra with the aid of G.I. Joe (a separate story from Scarlett’s). The action takes place inside a tall fortress of Destro’s design that can shift its shape into different defensive and offensive configurations. Destro also included secret crawlspaces behind the walls, where they are currently hiding. However, these have now been discovered, a hole has been blown in a wall and Cobra Commander has sent his troops in to capture them.

At this point in the story it seems Cobra Commander has a… unique use of language. Throughout this issue he seems to use half a dozen words when one would suffice. It adds to his superiority complex and I enjoy it. Only Larry could carry these lengthy speech balloons off in the heat of the action. We also see Destro’s use of cool 80s tech from within his metallic face mask that I hadn’t seen before and we find out just how dedicated the Joes need to be to Scarlett’s mission.

Despite Scarlett and Snake Eyes being very much in love, he and Storm Shadow must treat her like any other Cobra enemy if she’s to remain alive. It’s a fine balancing act that leads to a shocking moment later in the issue. (If you’re wondering, “Xin-loi” is a phrase used during the Vietnam war and roughly translates as “tough luck”, albeit a more vulgar version.) Once inside the crawlspaces, laden with boobie traps, Larry shows he’s still not afraid to kill people in glorious fashion in this children’s comic, something the cartoon couldn’t do.

Storm Shadow and the ever-silent Snake Eyes skilfully parachute in on top of the transforming building and we can see how it’s whole form is shifting about, taking care of many of the Cobra grunts as it does so. I’ve searched online and I can’t find evidence of this strange castle being a toy in the original range but I’m happy to be proven wrong if any readers can point me in the right direction.

I’ve seen some wonderful fan-made models of it though, complete right down to the colour of the stone and the ability to alter its shape. It’s this shape altering that brings us to the first shock of the issue, at least for anyone who had been reading this in 1993 and especially those who had been fans of Marvel’s other popular licenced monthly from a few years previous. As the building continues to change it’s caught the attention of an outside force.

Many fans of Transformers were also fans of G.I. Joe (and this continues to be the case today, like me for example) so imagine the impact that page would’ve had as they’d been reading what is already an exciting climax to a story. That’s just a tiny glimpse, one that perhaps those not au fait with the Transformers wouldn’t have fully grasped, but I’m sure the majority were thrilled. I wish I hadn’t flicked through the issue when I first got it as part of my eBay bundle, I’d loved to have been surprised by this.

Back to that story though and the plan will be familiar to those who have seen The Dark Knight (as one example). To extract Destro and Baroness they’re fastened to Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, and long wires with balloons on the end are attached to the ninjas. The balloons are inflated and travel far up into the night sky where planes grab the wires and haul all four of them off the ground at high speed.

Imagine being a fan of both franchises and reading this for the first time without knowing it was coming

But what Snake Eyes didn’t reckon on was Scarlett being part of the Cobra team sent to return Destro to Cobra Commander. They come into contact with each other on the roof of the castle. Quite literally! Now remember, Snake was ordered by Hawk to treat Scarlett as if she were any other enemy so as not to blow her cover. What happens as a result is truly the most shocking moment of the issue.

This shocked me even though I know Scarlett is in the modern comic! I can only imagine what impact this page would’ve had decades ago. A few pages later though, this moment proves to be cathartic for Scarlett. Slice, a member of Cobra who is suspicious of her still isn’t convinced despite seeing it happen, even though Dr. Biggles-Jones declares Snake trying to kill her is clear proof of her loyalty.

However, back on board the Joes’ plane Storm Shadow explains Snake had to do the near-impossible; he had a split second to make it convincing and at the same moment make sure his aim was “pure”. It had to be so, so close. Hawk tries to sooth Snake’s obvious anxiety by telling him Scarlett of all people knows how good he is, she knows he never misses “except on purpose”, that even if she still believes she was responsible for Hawk’s and Stalker’s supposed deaths she “now knows that you couldn’t hold it against her!”

Back at the now-stationery castle Scarlet is in incredible agony, yet has a smile beneath all the tears and is just about able to utter the words “I know” before passing out. Amongst all of the action, whether that be the ninja-based, sci-fi or war storylines the comic flipped between, Larry’s characters have always been fully formed, grounded and believable, even when their very existence is far fetched. Decades of writing them hasn’t blunted any of that expertise either.

The panels above form the bottom half of the penultimate page of the strip, with Cobra Commander’s cold reaction to Slice’s request to gut Scarlett, to see how the Joes react as a final test of her loyalty. Then a huge shadow falls over the group. The terrorists looks up in horror. And we turn the page.

What an ending! Again, imagine being a fan of both franchises and reading this for the first time without knowing it was coming. Especially with Andrew and Stephen’s familiar superb work on Megatron! The last time we saw ol’ Megs was in the final UK annual released for Christmas 1991. The Decepticons were trying to use the unstable nucleon (which had had unexpected side effects on some Transformers) to resurrect their fallen leader, recently separated from the body he shared with Autobot Ratchet before The Ark was blown up and crash landed on Earth.

Here he looks suitably patchy, with wires hanging out of battered parts of his body. I knew this was coming but it was still a thrill to read this page as the end of this story. I’m super hyped to get stuck into the next four issues of G.I. Joe and even more so for the 12 issues of Transformers: Generation 2 to come after that! Simon Furman writing that forthcoming series and having these robotic characters resurrected by Larry Hama is going to be something special if this small preview story (as it is for me) is anything to go by.

Before we wrap up, a quick look at a couple of contemporary adverts from the issue. First up, a movie that has been derided in the years since but which I still enjoy. Super Mario Bros was a flop (and the recent animation knocks it out of the park) but it’s a zany, ridiculous and oh-so-90s film that’s completely unique. I have the BluRay and the documentary tells a fascinating tale about its creation. Apparently the original script was great, aimed at a teenage-and-up audience and the cast were very happy with it (as were Nintendo). But just a few days before shooting was to commence the studio produced a new, more child-friendly script that threw everything out that had been created before, so its directors had to shoot something they didn’t like while using all of the sets and effects created for the previous script!

In the documentary John Leguizamo explains how they made the most of such a horrid situation and to me it’s a miracle any movie got made. As much as I enjoy the silliness of the end result, I can’t help but wonder what this talented cast could’ve done without the interference of studio executives who didn’t understand the original source material. Oh well.

Another ad that stood out (among the many, many adverts in the comic that often interrupted the strip on every other page) was for classic video game Flashback. I remember seeing friends play it on their Commodore Amigas and it looked stunning in a demo for my own 3DO but I never played it myself. Well, as it turns out it’s been rereleased for the Nintendo Switch so after seeing this ad I just had to break out the wallet.

It’s a great start to this latest real time read through and for all intents and purposes it’s not even the beginning yet, that’ll come next month with the actual first part of the G.I. Joe and Transformers: Generation 2 storyline by Larry Hama. It seems suitably timely with a crossover movie coming to our screens in the not-too-distant future. Be sure to check back on Sunday 30th June 2024 for the next/first chapter.

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