G.i. JOE #139: TANKS FOR THE MEMORiES

With this issue of G.I. Joe (or, to give it its full title, G.I. Joe starring Snake Eyes and Transformers: Generation 2 – phew!) we start down the path to the new Transformers series proper. There may only be one Cybertronian in the tale but it’s Megatron, so you know he’ll be centre stage. The cover by Chris Batista (Steel, 52, Robin) and Chip Wallace (The Legion, Justice League Task Force, Star Wars: X-Wing Rogue Squadron) sets the tone perfectly and throws a hint for both the plot and Megatron’s new body as Transformers fans wouldn’t have missed the fact he’s rather green and blue. More on that below.

As always with G.I. Joe the story is written by the legendary Larry Hama although this issue the art team are completely different. While pencils are by Chris, you’d swear it was another Andrew Wildman/Stephen Baskerville masterpiece but that could be because Stephen’s inking work is so identifiable. There are no less than three other inkers alongside him this month! They are Chip, Keith Williams (Alpha Flight, Action Comics, Sensational She-Hulk) and Donald Hudson (Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe, Forever Amber, Wolverine). Rick Parker and Bob Sharen return for letters and colours respectively, with Bob joined by Jurassic Park story editor Renée Witterstaetter (Silver Surfer, Jason Vs. Leatherface, Savage Sword of Conan). That’s a lot of people. So what are the results of their collective skills?

Personally, I think this opening spread is just incredible! Megatron’s savagery is spot on, and the pages may be a good bit smaller than those that UK Transformers fans were used to but the sense of scale is magnificent. He truly comes across as a terrifying entity. In their own comic it was easy to forget their size because in its later life it all but forgot about human characters (or being in disguise). Facing up against Cobra the might of Megatron feels palpable. I love the little details too in his openly damaged body, in the firepower hitting him and the cracks throughout his frame.

Scarlett is in bad shape after being stabbed by her love Snake Eyes last time, and despite what they saw Slice is still suspicious of her motives. The story kicks off with Cobra Commander making a run for it, aghast that Megatron would open fire when Cobra was just trying to make a deal with him. But as Zarana points out, what could a robot want? “It’s the currency we’re talking about, not the amount!”, realises Cobra Commander. Intriguing.

I just love big transformation pages and this is right up there with some of the best we ever saw in the Transformers comic. Megatron’s voice patterns are somewhat different than normal but it isn’t so drastically different as to take away from anything. He always did love the gravitas of his own voice. Him and the human leader here have that in common at least.

Doctor Biggles-Jones reckons her specially crafted Hyper-Velocity Rail Gun could go up against “that folding robot” (love that, it’s so close to swearing), noting that just because Megatron is alien tech doesn’t necessarily mean he is better tech. She grabs a H.I.S.S. Tank with the gun attached and let’s rip on the Decepticon leader. It hits him but goes straight through with such velocity that it continues travelling until it’s outside of Earth’s atmosphere!

The action is great so far. It does calm down after this to focus more on the negotiations between Cobra Commander and Megatron, which are just as entertaining to read, but the first handful of pages are quite breathtaking in their relentlessness. The only thing that’s ever so annoying is the American comic’s insistence to shove adverts on to nearly every-other page, interrupting the flow somewhat.

Convinced the technology is of alien original, Megatron goes in for a closer look, grabs the doctor and squeezes her. It looks like she’s about to die when a voice calls out. Pausing momentarily to listen to Cobra Commander, Megatron is told that the “fleshling” he now holds is the designer of the very-human weapon that damaged him. Instantly, Megatron changes his tune about negotiating. 

Acknowledging that these particular humans could actually have the ability to repair and upgrade his damaged body, a deal is struck. There’s a palpable sense of foreboding to this collaboration, one we know won’t be of mutual trust. As the issue goes on, both leaders’ inner thoughts betray their intentions to the reader while their outer speech is cleverly worded to twist those thoughts for the benefit of their partner-in-crime. Larry Hama is just superb at writing this pairing.

Meanwhile, up in the air in their C-130 the Joes, Destro and the Baroness are making their way home. Snake Eyes and Destro are two of my favourite characters (alongside Scarlett and Stalker, also featured in this crossover) so to see them together in Scarlett’s undercover and Destro’s defection storylines is a joy. I just wish I had more issues to enjoy this to the full. (Thankfully that’ll soon be rectified.)

While this storyline continues we pop in on Cobra Commander and Megatron to see how their deal is shaping up, in an image that brings back memories of the first live-action Transformers movie with Megatron surrounded by scaffolding (albeit not in cryostasis this time). I knew going in that Cobra was responsible for rebuilding him (while the Joes were responsible for killing Bumblebee in the American continuity – in ours it was Death’s Head) but I was worried about how that would be depicted. I shouldn’t have been concerned.

Zarana’s vapour-inducing thought on the next page is that they should keep on dismantling Megatron so they can change the deal completely in their favour, however Cobra Commander shuts down the idea, at least until they get their hands on the goodies aboard The Ark. Unbeknownst to them (although surely you would assume) Megatron is listening in and simply smirks to himself.

Doctor Biggles-Jones is a character I’d never seen before until reading the previous issue, so I’ve no idea how long she’s been in the comic or anything about her background. She’s a technical wizard to put it very mildly, responsible for the most destructive of Cobra’s weaponry, and now the rail gun that damaged the giant Cybertronian is going to be installed in him, replacing his previous arm cannon. Things are building nicely towards Generation 2.

Biggles-Jones heads off to stop Slice from killing Scarlett after it’s confirmed the stabbing by Snake Eyes wasn’t accidentally non-fatal, it had been done with precision. Meanwhile, Destro and the Baroness have been taken back to Cobra Island by the Joes which at some point has been abandoned. Again, this is something I’ve missed between the time the stories appeared in Marvel UK’s Transformers and this. They’re rather shocked to find Cobra Commander waiting for them! Until, that is, he starts to glow and change…

… into Zartan, the master of disguise. His “new image” is clearly a reference to a new toy model Hasbro had created for him, and it’s clever of Larry to write in a quick panel or two to show readers (particularly this one who wasn’t aware of the change) his original look. All reacquainted now, Hawk explains why they’ve all been brought here.

On one side of the island is a cave that’s permanently on fire. Apparently when they left the island Cobra had drilled down to an oil deposit and lit it. Zartan mourns the loss of life, the bodies inside unrecoverable ash. That is, unrecoverable without Dr. Mindbender’s Brainwave Scanner and cloning vat, the former being an infamous device in the comic’s lore used to torture more than a few Joes. His cloning vat is missing, which had been used to create Serpentor from the remains of the greatest military leaders in history and resurrect Storm Shadow, both stories I remember fondly from Transformers.

There’s a funny moment here when Destro laments the fact Mindbender’s warped genius wasn’t used to resurrect Newton, Da Vinci or Einstein, while the Baroness would have preferred Elvis! There’s a passing mention of Mindbender having died but his body could’ve been moved along with a computer program able to resurrect the man himself. Having read IDW’s continuation of the story decades later in which Mindbender turns himself into a mad, mobile, weaponised computer system (yes, really) I’m assuming this is the start of bringing that character back into the comic.

To finish off this month’s chapter we return to the headline event for Transformers fans as a door slides open at Cobra’s current base and a huge green and purple tank rolls out. It makes light work of three H.I.S.S. tanks; we see its artillery slice through them like butter and continue out the other sides of them. This means it’s equipped with the rail gun, which means this is the new alt mode for Megatron! In case there was any doubt the tank shifts and changes on the next page to reveal his new body.

I have to say I really like the new look! It suits him. Cobra Commander gets a rude awakening as he realises Megatron could hear what they were saying all along. Yes, they’d only been praising the doctor on her great work a distance away from the test, but it means Megatron heard everything earlier too. How will this affect their deal or their mutual distrust of each other? We’ll find out soon I’m sure.

After he gives a quick run down of his stats the story ends with Megatron telling them his sensor arrays have located an experiment in the basement of the castle. Cobra Commander tries to dismiss it but Megatron warns him it’s started breathing… and we see Dr. Mindbender suspended in liquid with electrodes attached to his naked body. I knew it. Just to finish off, we’ll take a look at the back page advert which once again places the comic in the timeline of my life.

I remember all the fuss over Mortal Kombat at the time but I’d never been a fan of one-on-one beat-‘em-up games (I’m still not) and when a friend rented out a copy for his Mega Drive from the local video store we were both left feeling rather “meh” about it. That didn’t stop shows like GamesMaster and Bad Influence wetting themselves on an almost weekly basis over it though, or the British press making a whole overblown hoo-ha over its unconvincing digitised gore.

Not only have I enjoyed the Transformers aspects of this issue, it’s been a blast to read new (for me) adventures of the Joes and Cobra. Recently on the blog I’ve written about Skybound Entertainment’s Kickstarter in which they’ll be collecting the whole of Marvel’s run in a gorgeous hardback collection. These two issues so far have really whetted my appetite for that collection to arrive next year. For now though, I’ll look forward to the next part of this particular story in #140 of G.I. Joe, which you’ll see reviewed here on Sunday 28th July 2024.

iSSUE 138 < > iSSUE 140

TRANSFORMERS: GENERATiON 2 MENU

MAiN TRANSFORMERS MENU

THE SLEEZE BROTHERS #1: A BREATH OF (BOTTLED) FRESH AiR

I can remember the day I bought this issue of Marvel UK’s (under the Epic Comics imprint) new monthly, The Sleeze Brothers. Sitting in my Aunt May’s house with my mum certain images were seared onto my retinas, in particular the strip’s title spread you’ll see further below. It’s been months since the brothers popped up in Doctor Who Magazine, so just how will they translate to full 22-page stories? Incredibly well is the answer to that.

The editorial is ‘written’ by a stereotypical Huggy Bear-type called Papa Beatbox, some form of MC who gives us a sort of origin story for El’ Ape and Deadbeat. Discarded test tube babies, Beatbox raised them as if they were his own and, despite their gruff, selfish, greedy exteriors they apparently have insides of pure gold. We’ll see about that. 

I didn’t realise Dan Abnett (Knights of Pendragon, Nova, Sinister Dexter) was associate editor until now. As I list those credited with working on The Sleeze Brothers I won’t be mentioning The Real Ghostbusters after their individual names. Just take it for granted that whoever I mention also worked on that comic unless I say otherwise! This was the main reason I loved this issue so much as a kid and why I’ve been really looking forward to it on the blog, because that aforementioned comic was such a childhood favourite.

Only a few pages in and the art team have definitely nailed it

So anyway, on to our strip which is called Nice ’n’ Sleazy. Written by John Carnell (Doctor Who, DC’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy comic) and pencilled by Andy Lanning (Digitek, Nova, Death’s Head II), they also created these characters. Inks are by Dave Hine (Zoids, Mambo, X-Men), colours are by Steve White (Xenozoic Tales, Transformers, editor on Visionaries, Havoc and Death’s Head), letters are by Bambos Georgiou (Slimer, co-creator of Speakeasy and Aces Weekly) and it’s all edited by Richard Starkings (Death’s Head, Dragon’s Claws, Elephantmen) who designed the comic’s logo and chatted with me in the introductory post about the comic’s creation and the Epic label.

After the plethora of artists behind the Doctor Who strip, the comic settles into its art style and I’m loving it from the very first page. This future world is so intricately designed by Andy, and he and Dave are an excellent partnership in bringing out all of the fun details, with Steve’s bright and often gaudy colours really making the pages pop more than anything I’ve read on the blog so far. Only a few pages in and the art team have definitely nailed it. What about the plot?

It’s a simple story but it’s the first issue so it’s main purpose is to introduce the main characters and the world in which they inhabit, with all of its grime, corruption, many and varied alien life forms and the comedic ineptitude of everyone (and everything – we see a police robot forget its directives mid-arrest) that make up the Earth of the future. The Sleeze Brothers actually get involved by accident here, when Finkelly lets a key witness against the Cosmos Father escape and, backed into a corner by his goons, he spots a flyer for the brothers’ detective agency (which doubles as the front cover) and pretends like he knows them.

We then get to meet up with El’ Ape and Deadbeat as they bust in on a husband partaking in some very extracurricular activity. This is the spread I mentioned above and I think you’ll be able to see why it was so memorable to my young eyes! I love the little details here too, such as El’ Ape’s pin badges, the fact we see the photo Deadbeat takes sliding out of the camera and even the husband’s surprised look reflected in El’ Ape’s sunglasses.

Thinking this proves that being private detectives is paying off, El’ Ape’s excitement is cooled when Deadbeat reminds him how much the camera, film and skeleton keys cost, then their last few remaining notes are ripped from his hands by their landlord. Deadbeat is sure they’re not going to earn enough in this line of work but El’ Ape is optimistic and says something always turns up “in these types of stories”. Is this a hint that they’re acknowledging being inside a comic? Even if it’s not, it’s funny.

Back in their office we meet Doris, their receptionist. Well, sort of. You see, she’s a computer and, despite this being set in the far future, Doris is an antiquated desktop complete with cassette deck, so completely unable to move about and do much of a receptionist’s job. She’s just one example of the insane characters John and Andy come up with throughout the issue.

Finkelly hires them to find his twin brother, showing them a picture of the runaway witness and obviously they look nothing like each other. “He parts his hair on a different side to me”, explains Finkelly. This and a suitcase full of cash is enough to convince the Sleezes the case is legit, despite Doris calling them out on it. Yes, these two aren’t exactly the sharpest, just in case you missed their misadventure with the Doctor.

In a scene that reminds me of a funny page in #5 of Death’s Head they start asking around and run into a whole bunch of weird and wacky folk, giving Andy a chance to draw up a variety of inhabitants of the city. This page should give you some indication of the imagination on show throughout the comic and this is only the beginning. Unsurprisingly, asking random strangers doesn’t work out. Without any other ideas they head off to Wong’s Air Bar.

The Air Bar plays up to our legitimate worries of climate change, hypothesising that in the future fresh air is such a luxury it’s bottled up inside pressurised bottles and sold like beer. Not that alcohol is in short supply either, El’ Ape throwing about the cash from their suitcase as if they’ve already solved the case. When the photo accidentally falls out the bar’s proprietor is able to point them in the right direction at last (after some eyes-down-the-barrel-of-a-gun persuasion).

I have to say I laughed at this panel above. The city is very much a spoof of Judge Dredd’s MegaCity One. As well as the so-called “undercover C.O.P.S.” (neither undercover nor decent cops) the brothers’ car is just a Volkswagon Beetle with hovercraft piping instead of wheels, delivery trucks use the same configuration and on other pages we see regular electrical sockets and other contemporary technology, giving it a lovely feel of a future world poking fun at the depictions of the future seen in 80s movies of the day.

The biggest thing that’s purposely out of place for me are public phone boxes (and not a mobile in sight). Here, Deadbeat explains all the technological security these have in order to stop tampering, theft, fee dodging etc., all of which he bypasses by simply sticking a bit of chewing gum on one of its parts. “Oldest trick in the book”, he says. Placing a call to several delivery companies for the building housing their target (that uncanny resemblance to a frog above), it’s bombarded with trucks which keeps the police occupied. The two-headed chief calls for phone line repairmen, who of course end up being the brothers in disguise. It’s a ridiculously convoluted plan and I love it. Although, they’re quickly caught by one of those inept RoboCops.

So that’s two oldest tricks in the book. The ludicrousness of this future world is what has delighted me the most. I had it in my head that the world itself would be more like that in Death’s Head, with some background gags and funny social commentary but for the most part it would play the straight guy to the main characters’ comedy. But in fact the inept duo, one being a loud mouth reactionary and one quiet and thoughtful, are actually the closest we get to normality. And that’s saying something!

Through a chase involving a comedy of errors our detectives catch up with the witness. Not that they know he’s a witness. Cornered and terrified, he whimpers at the end of a back alley while El’ Ape and Deadwood approach. El’ Ape grins. Deadwood is stoney faced as per usual. He clicks open his briefcase and it looks like a professional hit to the defenceless victim, until we see what Deadbeat was reaching for. What happens next over a double-page spread at the end of our story perfectly sums up the humour of the comic.

It’s been a wild and crazy ride and this is only the first issue. You’d be hard pushed to find a comic with a premiere issue that works as perfectly as this one. It feels like a fully developed comic, as if this were the sixth or so issue in its run. Of course, with a predetermined length of only six issues John and Andy had to hit the ground running. They’ve sprinted! Every page is packed full of fun, every gag lands, the leads feel fully formed and the world in which they inhabit is just as big a character as they are.

Let’s hope the remaining issues over the course of the rest of this year live up to the exceptionally high standard this premiere has laid out. It’s also got me thinking about finally finishing off my collection of The Real Ghostbusters to enjoy more of John’s and Andy’s work after this read through is finished. For now I’ll look forward to whatever they have in store for The Sleeze Brothers #2, which will be reviewed right here on the blog on Monday 29th July 2024.

DOCTOR WHO MAGAZiNE 147 < > iSSUE TWO

THE SLEEZE BROTHERS MENU

REMEMBERiNG FRANK SiDEBOTTOM

On 21st June 2010 the sad news broke of the passing of musician, comedian, artist and comic cartoonist Chris Sievey, better known to the wider world as the papier-mâché headed Frank Sidebottom. Upon reading the news I hunted out my few remaining issues of OiNK to read his contributions. I enjoyed them so much I began collecting all the other issues of the comic, and the rest is history. All thanks to Chris. All thanks to Frank.

Chris was born on 25th August 1955 and over the course of the 70s and 80s was the frontman of his band The Freshies (he’s second from the right above). However, during the 80s he developed the character of Frank, an aspiring pop star with his famous nasally voice who portrayed himself as living the celebrity lifestyle when in reality he was living at home with his mum in Timperley. A regular star of kid’s TV in the 80s, I was very aware of him when he popped up in my third issue of OiNK, #16.

“Chris was laborious with his artwork,” OiNK co-editor Patrick Gallagher told the Dazed website. “He could have made it easy for himself by colouring in flat colours, but instead he used this stipple effect done with a felt tip pen. He would take three hours to paint a page which would usually take 15 minutes, but he liked detail and he would always go the extra mile.” That extra mile was always appreciated by this pig pal.

“Having Chris on board was great because it meant that as well as his unique artwork, we also had a real life character [Frank] to front the comic. We had someone out there publicising OiNK who was gaining more recognition,” says Patrick. Indeed, at the time it felt like readers were part of a secret club that those who only saw him on TV weren’t aware of. A secret club that gave us insights into his home life, celebrity friends and musical career. Even his school days.

His contributions to OiNK would vary wildly and included comic strips, celebrity gossip columns, hand-written computer programs, elaborate D.I.Y. board games and even a cut-out zoetrope. With the huge variety of pages he could create, and all so intricately put together, it was clear he put in a lot of time and effort for us young readers and that he enjoyed working on OiNK.

Frank’s stand-up comedy was family friendly, even if it was very random and ‘out there’, and he’d go on to be a semi-regular on Saturday morning TV shows No.73, Motormouth and What’s Up Doc?, as well as creating his own Frank Sidebottom’s Fantastic Shed Show. After retiring the character of Frank, Chris would continue producing work for children on shows such as Bob the Builder and Pingu.

He was good friends with Patrick and they even moved in together when their marriages broke up. Fellow OiNK cartoonist and musician, Marc Riley would often work closely with Chris on OiNK, producing many photo stories starring Frank and Snatcher Sam together, as well as recording the OiNK 45 record. He also starred on four OiNK covers. Two were drawn by Chris and Frank popped up in photo form on the other two occasions, once with Mark and another with Her Majesty. Sort of.

“We needed a shot for our honours and awards issue, so we thought Frank being knighted outside Buckingham Palace would be perfect for this,” continues Patrick. “I had this Queen mask with me and I’m looking for someone to put it on so Frank could get down on his knee for the photo. Only one kid would do it so we had him with the Queen’s face on and Frank being knighted. He [Chris] paid twenty quid for it but obviously it was worth nothing. Frank got ripped off. Sometimes adventures with Chris became nightmares.”

The cover with Marc led to a strip inside too, which perfectly showcases their humour when they got together.

Patrick would also play bass in Frank’s Oh Blimey Big Band (far right in the photo below) alongside Jon Robson on keyboards who would go on to write the Frank movie starring Michael Fassbender inside the head, playing a new character based on our Frank. According to accounts Chris was very pleased with the script. Then in 2019 the Kickstarter-funded Being Frank documentary film covered Frank’s entire life and also included Patrick talking about Chris’s OiNK work.

Chris sadly died of cancer in 2010 at the age of 54. When it was revealed he died with very little money to his name fans gathered together to raise funds to give him a proper funeral, raising over £6,500 in a few hours and a total of over £21,500 in the end. In his home town of Timperley a Frank statue was also erected in his honour and he’s still there, standing with his thumb up in the middle of the high street.

As a kid, Chris’ work on OiNK as Frank Sidebottom was a highlight of the entire run for me. There was just nothing like those pages in any other comic. There’s still no one else like him in the world of entertainment.

OiNK OBiTUARiES

ALiENS #1: STOP YOUR GRiNNiN’ AND DROP YOUR LiNEN

Off we go with the latest real time read through and this one is rather different than anything that’s been covered on the blog so far, being the first aimed at a mature audience. After licensing their Aliens comics to Trident in the UK, Dark Horse US decided to set up shop in London and print their strips in their own titles. Thus Dark Horse International was created. This was their first, and flagship, title.

I’ve already covered one of their comics. Jurassic Park not only adapted the movie into comic form it also contained the first ever official sequel to the film and book. Similarly, Dark Horse US’ Aliens continued the story of James Cameron’s amazing hit movie and lasted for decades, only coming to an end in recent years when Marvel rebooted it now that Disney owns both the comic publisher and 20th Century, the company behind the films.

As much as I do love the new Marvel series (it really is superb) I’ve been really excited to sink my teeth (just the one set) into these original stories. As explained in the introductory post I’m concentrating on the comics after Dark Horse International took over with Volume Two. At least for now. This is because these were the comics my friends collected at the time and the one I owned was part of this series too. So let’s get down to reliving it.

After John Bolton’s (Hellraiser, Man-Bat, The Evil Dead, and one of the first British artists to work on American comics) incredible, exclusive new front cover the editorial welcomes us to Dark Horse’s vision of what an Aliens comic should be, with Jurassic Park editor Dick Hansom given the title of ‘New Bug’. To place the comic in its time you can see Alien³’s release was imminent and in fact Dark Horse would publish a three-weekly, three-part (bit of a theme there) special series to commemorate. More on that movie as we go along.

So the first strip in the read through is Hive, part one of which takes up 20 pages. Altogether there are 52 pages with a good quality gloss cover and a matt stock inside, all in colour apart from the occasional advert. There’s also a 16-page Predator back up and a good selection of features, the overall format making it a very UK comic indeed. Let’s get started with Hive first of all. In the States each story was released as a mini-series whereas here they’d be printed in an ongoing comic, much like Jurassic Park. It opens with this scene-setting spread below.

This is the perfect opening for the first issue, feeling very much like the movie, complete with the heroine having a somewhat Sigourney Weaver-esque look. The Alien is brilliantly realised by Kelley Jones (The Sandman, Batman: Endgame, Micronauts), with Les Dorscheid’s (Dungeons & Dragons, Deadman, Nazz) muted colours adding to the atmosphere and Clem Robins‘(Amazing Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, Guardians of the Galaxy) letters. Of course in the film the Aliens are black, but conveying that in comic form can be difficult. Les’ use of colours here is inspired, fooling us into accepting this creature as black even though it has to be coloured differently for its details to stand out on the page.

Jerry Prosser’s (The Crow, Predator, editor on Sin City: A Dame to Kill For) story begins with Julian Lish trying to escape from an Alien in a scene that could’ve been lifted straight from the movie with its tight, dark corridors, motion tracking sensors and in the end the alien’s second jaw sliding out for the kill. That is, until an “Override Code” is announced over a loudspeaker and it just… stops.

This is Dr. Stan Mayakovsky and any initial confusion you might feel from this turn of events was echoed by me. That’s the whole point. He enters with his dog in tow who seems completely nonplussed with the H.R. Giger creation standing over them. What happens next continued the confusion as the dog drops their ball from their slobbery mouth and it rolls underneath the alien’s legs.

Didn’t expect that, did you? What with this bit of alien playfulness and our two human characters just standing next to it, even after it looked like Julian was about to be its victim, something is obviously amiss. (It hadn’t been released yet, but the dog in the original cut of Alien³ certainly didn’t get this treatment!) On the next page the alien sizes up to the professor, baring its teeth and hissing, my mind instantly remembering the accompanying scary sound from the films. Then it takes off down the corridor and… well…

I admit I laughed at this! And laughter is not something I thought this comic would produce a lot of. Yes, the film had its moments but those definitely didn’t come from the alien side of things. It does explain things though with its clearly robotic speech bubble. As ridiculous as it sounds to have a robotic alien in the story we must remember this is set in a future where completely convincing human androids also exist, so why not?

We get an insight into his addiction to a particular drug, a raw form of the slime produced by the aliens

The question is, why exactly has this thing been created? Not only that, but it’s being trained to hunt humans, or at the very least act convincingly like a killer. Called XL1, an out-of-breath Julian tells Stan it keeps getting better, that she’s struggling to stay ahead of it anymore, which pleases Stan immensely. However, Julian wonders what 10,000 of them would be like! It’s a terrifying thought and we know that the plans of greedy humans always lead to disaster in the film series. So what’s the reasoning?

It’s not clear yet if the professor works for the Weyland-Yutani Corporation from the films but we do get an insight into his addiction to a particular drug, a raw form of the slime (or “jelly” as it’s called here) produced by the aliens. It relieves his cancer symptoms and puts him into a sort of trance state where time slows down, his world goes blue and he revisits his memories of how he got to this point. It’s essentially a bit of exposition for the readers.

Having to buy the substance from drug dealers, he eventually met Julian and devised a plan to build an alien android to infiltrate a hive (that explains the reference to thousand of aliens and the title) and bring back the jelly. Stan is in it for himself, Julian appears to be in it for the money, and their mutual desire for the same outcome results in a passionate, mutually selfish love affair. Using the example of ants above and the aforementioned ability to make convincing androids, it’s an interesting set up for the first story in the comic series. There’s also a funny moment when Julian even suggests naming their alien ‘Norbert’!

In their ship The Dolomite they take a crew to a far-flung planet called A6 454 upon which humans have never set foot, and Stan and Julian stand up in front of their crew and ask for volunteers before showing them what they’re there for. As a bit of foreshadowing, revealing their android goes horribly wrong. Not that either seems to care.

I remember seeing scenes like this when I flicked through my friend’s Aliens comics as a teenager and being amazed it could show such images. I’d never seen anything like this in comics before. Anyway, Stan finally uses his override command to stop his android from continuing its killing spree and the final image of the strip has it holding another man’s head and looking directly at Stan. Whether this is where the original first part ended in the US comic or this is where the UK’s comic has cut it off is difficult to say, although the sudden end makes it feel more like the latter.

The first part of Hive is intriguing, full of atmosphere, has plenty of horrific moments and really sucked me into its world. It’s a fantastic start to the comic and this already has the potential to be an excellent read through. As a teen it was no wonder I loved the one issue I picked up if this is anything to go by. It would’ve shocked and scared me, and I would’ve been loving every page of it. Before moving on to the back up strip there’s a bit of news in The Motion Tracker segment and a middle-page spread about the making of Alien³.

I wonder if anyone actually went and rented The Commitments back then just to get a glimpse of the film? It’s interesting that there was a different direction for the film originally planned, so much so that a teaser was made. The Unnatural Selection spread isn’t the easiest to read but it does explain a lot of the infamous difficulties in making Alien³. I’m particularly interested in the various writers and script drafts and the evolution (hence the subtitle) of the story over the years before filming began. If this is an indication of the extras the comic will contain I can’t wait for future issues.

In case you’re wondering, the “Free Comic” on the cover is a sequel to Frank Miller and Dave Gibbons’ Give Me Liberty (which I’d never heard of until now despite it being a best seller) and nothing to do with the Aliens franchise. While the Predator movies would eventually cross over into the Aliens universe, at the time they had nothing to do with the franchise either. However, in comics they were always closely related and thus a perfect choice of back up strip.

Predator: Cold War is written by Mark Verheiden (Phantom, co-executive producer on Battlestar Galactica and Falling Skies), with pencils by Ron Randall (The Dreaming, Action Comics, Supergirl), inks by Steve Mitchell (Aquaman, Batman, G.I. Joe), colours by Chris Chalenor (Barb Wire, The Mask, Hieroglyph) and Rachelle Menashe (The Terminator, Icon, Virus), and letters are by Clem Robins again. Lieutenant Ligachev has been promoted by a General of her army just so he could send her to take charge of an oil field pumping station in the middle of the Siberian nowhere. When their equipment discovers large seismic activity accompanied by high levels of radiation they go to investigate, discovering the decapitated body of a local deer herder, strung up on a pole as if he’s on display, like an animal at the end of a successful hunt.

Soon they’re under attack by a Predator and, upon being hit and half buried in the snow, Ligachev can only watch as her young team are cut down one-by-one by this strange creature. Setting the beginning of the story in desolate ice fields adds a level of desperation to her plight but we soon find out she’s recounting it to a military tribunal who wants to send her back! 

If this is anything like Aliens then she’s probably being sent back out to face certain death in order for the government (rather than a private company) to get access to powerful weapons. As someone who has only ever seen the second movie a long, long time ago this plays out like a typical 80s monster movie, which is no bad thing of course. More interesting is how the rest of this 16-page chunk of the story tries hard to tie it in closer to the film series.

The American military have picked up on the weapons fire and automatically assumed the Soviets were test-firing nuclear weapons, so they reach out to General Philips. He was played by R.G. Armstrong in the first film although here he’s described as having something to do with the “business in New York last summer” and I’m not sure what that’s in reference to. After all, the first film was set in Central America and the second in Los Angeles.

A second character, a New York sheriff, is seen having flashbacks to being attacked by a Predator (while at the dentist no less, so double the horror!) so maybe it’s in reference to an earlier Predator comic, perhaps one printed in Trident’s first volume. Meanwhile, the general goes to meet a Detective Schaefer who turns out to be the brother of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character Dutch, still M.I.A. from the first film. As you can see he’s drawn as another version of Arnie and basically feels like a way of getting the big name star into the strip without actually doing so.

So far, as someone who knows next to nothing about Predator the opening scenes were exciting but the introduction of Schaefer feels a bit like the Jurassic Park comic’s own desperate attempt to get another character from the film into its sequel strip, when it reintroduced Robert Muldoon who had clearly been killed by the Velociraptors in the movie. I’ll not dwell. Going into the Predator strips essentially blind means I can just enjoy them for what they are.

Towards the rear of the comic are three pages detailing some of the weaponry used by the Colonial Marines in the Aliens movie. For fictional weapons the Technical Readout really does go into a lot of detail. If this is the beginning of the comic adding some background depth to not only itself but also the universe of the films then it’s another great start. These pages bring back exciting memories of their onscreen use, especially the M56 Smart Gun as used by Jenette Goldstein’s Vasquez character, decades before “smart” devices became the things to own.

Finally, just as in Jurassic Park (and many Marvel UK comics) we get a comics checklist, although at this stage Aliens was Dark Horse International’s only UK title so it focusses solely on the imported comics available in specialist comics shops. These weren’t as easily found at the time (Northern Ireland only had two such shops back then) so for most of us these were beyond our reach. It’ll be interesting to see this develop as the company settled (at least temporarily) into this part of the world.

With that we come to the end of the first issue and it’s off to a cracking start. The Aliens strip itself is fantastic and it hasn’t really got going yet, but the set up has plenty of potential for things to go horribly wrong for the cocky humans. Predator is also enjoyable and might be more so once I actually watch the films (which I now want to do, so that’s another good point) and the extras are interesting. Lots of potential here. This is a lengthy read through that’ll take us all the way to March 2026, so settle in and come back on Tuesday 23rd July 2024 for the next instalment.

GO TO iSSUE TWO

ALiENS MENU

BARMY COMiX: DOWNLOAD DOLTS

Created by master of mirth Lew Stringer, Barmy Comix was released for free online in 2020 in response to a delay in the publication of his next Combat Colin comic due to Covid. Bringing some much needed cheer to a locked down world when access to new comics was impossible, it has 32 pages (or screens) of strips taken from various publications in the Lewniverse, including a nine-page preview of the next issue of Combat Colin.

That’s not all from the moronic militia man though. There’s a classic from the Transformers days, when Lew’s strips were at their height later in the run with Day of the Gunge, a strip I fondly remember reading first time around when I was a much smaller human. There’s also a full-colour adventure with Colin and Semi-Automatic Steve I hadn’t read before from the pages of Aces Weekly. This on its own is worth the price of entry. Not that there is any price, but you get my drift.

Loose Brayne, aka Brickman is in here too. It’s quite possibly the barmiest strip of the whole comic and that’s certainly saying something. The Brickman Meets The Mad Cobbler is classic Lew turned up to ten. I love the character of Albert and on the next page we see that it’s actually the big fancy house, Brayne Manor, that sits in a cave while Brickman’s supposedly secret lair is above ground for all to see.

This should give you some idea of the chaos to expect if you’ve never read a Brickman strip before. Set in “Pre-Holocaust Thatcherite Britain” it’s an ingenious mix of slapstick, social commentary and daft gags. It’s probably my favourite out of the whole issue. Saying that, there’s also a second story of his, Brickman and Trowel Meet Professor Deranged! Nothing subtle about the villain names in this comic.

Derek the Troll’s strip takes the form of one of those Make-Your-Own-Adventure books we had as kids (OiNK had its own version back in #5). Derek was originally created for role-playing magazine Warlock and that’s where this strip comes from. Lew has also released a comic reprinting all of Derek’s misadventures which I’ve already reviewed on the blog and (spoiler) enjoyed immensely.

Derek the Troll’s ‘orrible Troll-Playing Game is almost impossible to win, throwing a spanner in the works every time you think you’ve made the right decision, its curveballs and surprises keeping you laughing all the way to the end. There are also two full-colour strips of Derek’s from the short-lived digital comic Goof and he’s the star of one of the mini-posters scattered throughout Barmy Comix, ready to be printed out and Blu-Tac’ed to your wall if you’re feeling particularly nostalgic.

One creation of Lew’s I’d never heard of before reading this comic during the pandemic was Pedantic Stan the Comics Fan. Co-created with former Marvel UK editor and the utter gentleman behind comics news site Down the Tubes John Freeman, he was created for comic newspaper Speakeasy in the 1990s (an earlier edition of which has already appeared on the blog). Lew has also released the complete collection of Stan’s strips in a small, landscape format comic which was a hoot to read. It’s been a while since I’ve read it so it was fun to see his Full-Page Christmas Special again.

Also in here is a touching strip from the Undefeated Spirit of Hope book released in 2011 in the wake of the natural disasters in New Zealand and Japan of that year, finishing off the comic on the back page. Altogether this has reminded me of The Marvel Bumper Comic, which introduced me to comics and characters I hadn’t previously read among a mix of hugely enjoyable, hand-picked reprints of some of my favourites.

Barmy Comix was (and still is) free although Lew does ask fans if they could donate a small sum of £2.00 towards the creation of future comics in his range. This was particularly relevant during the pandemic but it’s such a small ask in return for the many laughs we get from each and every one of his publications. To download it just click on the link below to Lew’s own blog and please do remember to donate.

DOWNLOAD BARMY COMiX

OiNK CONTRiBUTORS’ RELEASES MENU

OiNK CONTRiBUTORS MENU

MAiN OiNK MENU