Ham Dare, Pig of the Future makes the cover of OiNK for the first time and it’s only taken for the comic’s cancellation for it to happen! I’d always assumed he’d made the cover each time he returned to the pages of OiNK since his stories were such big events, so it was a surprise to find out this was the only time. The OiNK Holiday Special 1989 is the third spring/summer edition and was promised to us way back in October the previous year when Uncle Pigg made that fateful announcement in the final issue.
It’s been a long time coming but it’s finally here (in fact work began on it so far in advance of its publication, as per usual for special and annuals, we’re treated to the lovely original logo), although it’s a bit of a strange one and feels much more like the next monthly issue than a holiday special. Not only did the monthlies have the same amount of pages as the specials, this one is clearly made up of content that went unused after the comic was cancelled rather than brand new material. So there are no themed summer holiday stories and one Rotten Rhyme even mentions Christmas approaching. As an adult some other things stand out by their very absence.
“Slap my snout and call me Porky – there’s something dashed odd going on around here…”
Ham Dare (Lew Stringer)
With Tom Thug and Pete and his Pimple having made the leap over to Buster they’re nowhere to be seen here, although thankfully their creator Lew Stringer is still on hand to write the wonderful Ham Dare story. Although, OiNK favourites not contributiung this time out include Ian Jackson, Jeremy Banx and David Leach among others, so there’s no Burp, Hadrian Vile or Psycho Gran. But let’s not dwell, let’s concentrate on what is here and start off with that headline act.
Dynasty of the Dinosaurs was originally written by Lew and drawn by the incredibly talented J.T. Dogg for OiNK way back when it was a weekly, believe it or not. The monthlies may have been twice the size but there were three less issues in an average month so there must have been a lot of leftover material from the weekly comic. As such, Ham Dare is presented in its original five individual chapters, each with their own very unique cliffhanger.
The story follows on from the one in The OiNK! Book 1988 over a year ago and sees our hero and his (and I quote) “chubby sidekick” Pigby go through some sort of space disruption and apparently land on another planet, a planet inhabited by English-speaking dinosaurs in tight flight suits. It’s already way out there and has all those knowing nods this wonderful Dan Dare spoof revels in, but then we get to that final panel above and the plot of this serial reveals itself.
Ham sums up the mystery in one handy speech bubble, complete with a typical Pigby response and then hilariously gets away with one of his trademark silly ideas. Although, this time it actually makes some kind of sense. Or maybe I’ve just been reading OiNK for too long. The main dino dude is called Bad Rep and he explains that Earth is known throughout the universe as the most evil planet in existence.
Then this very funny spoof suddenly poses an ethical question
Of course the Meekon has to be behind everything and as he hovers in his frying pan he does what all good baddies (if that’s not a contradiction in terms) do in classic action strips and explains the whole plot to our heroes. I remember being absorbed by all of this as an 11-year-old, having learned about the extinction of the dinosaurs at school and seeing it all turned on its head in typical OiNK fashion. As an adult it’s just as entertaining.
In the penultimate chapter Pigby’s umbrella makes for a quick escape as well as a couple of puns and we get to see how Earthlings are seen across the galaxy. But it’s not just the T-rex causing problems, Ham and Rigby come up against Triceratops and others, who Ham thinks aren’t a threat because they were vegetarian dinosaurs… before he gets a clobberin’. Then this very funny spoof suddenly poses an ethical question.
This reminds me of the Fourth Doctor posing a similar one when he was given the chance to wipe out the Daleks before they were even created. It leads nicely on to the final double-page spread and a moment that struck me as a kid and which, as with the best moments of OiNK, has stayed with me in my head ever since. These are usually comedic moments but in this case it’s something more profound.
Beginning with a nice reference to Dan Dare’s creator and original artist in the title caption, we get more silliness and an overly-easy resolution by Ham as always (who remains cool as a cucumber throughout) before we see something he doesn’t; we see the results of him putting everything back the way it was. It’s this moment involving a dinosaur mother and her child that provided a surprisingly tender moment and pulled on the heartstrings of readers. Knowing it was coming this time around doesn’t make it any less so either.
In an interview with Dan Dare fan magazine Spaceship Away, Lew said about this scene, “Having mainly written and drawn basic slapstick comedy before I welcomed the opportunity to write something with a bit more depth. People have said to me they found the dinosaur extinction scene to be quite harrowing when they were kids. I remember the emotions I felt writing that part so I’m glad it came across in the story. Apologies for causing any kids distress when they read it though!”
I asked Lew myself about this moment and he explained it was actually very OiNK-like. “One of the qualities of OiNK was that it allowed us to do something like that at times,” he says. “I think it’s more effective for a humour comic to include an unexpected emotional moment (as Tony did sometimes with his Horace strip). We knew the readers were intelligent enough to appreciate it.” We certainly did, Lew. An example of Tony doing just that is coming up too.
“Wondering what your favourite OiNK chums have been doing since OiNK stopped appearing last November?”
Uncle Pigg
In the middle of the issue is a seven-page piece I assumed would’ve been created by co-editor Patrick Gallagher but he assures me it wasn’t. Unfortunately, he doesn’t recall who it was. Whoever it was takes the opportunity to bring us up-to-date on some of our favourite characters’ lives since OiNK was cancelled. Alongside the examples below the Torture Twins have also been employed in schools as a replacement for the cane, Mary Lighthouse is happy editing all of our kids’ TV shows until they’re unrecognisable and Cowpat County has been concreted over and turned into the ‘Patworld’ theme park!
As a child I loved seeing some old faves all together again but now it’s clear these are recycled panels from previous strips, even the picture of Uncle Pigg is from a newsagent reservation coupon. A strip by Patrick follows this in which our porcine editor makes an appeal to his readers for financial aid, telling us of all the woes that’s befallen him and his staff since OiNK ended, most horrifying of all being those that now had to work for Buster comic!
In the end it’s all a con and as the readers throw their money to help Uncle Pigg he summons his private helicopter to whisk him back off to those tropical islands he told us about when he signed off in #68. I have to say that while it’s funny (and as a kid I hoped the bit about having “an appeal every year” meant there’d be yearly specials forever) for young me it seemed out of character. While he loved his money Uncle Pigg always put his readers first and here he was grifting them instead. Nowadays though, it’s just silly fun and I suppose it’s in keeping with the likes of GBH. Speaking of which…
They may not have been a one-hit wonder but Bros did seem to be here one second and then gone the next. I remember some friends being obsessed and I even bought the (terrible) Marvel UK special! Here, GBH took advantage of the teen crazes of the time and then the comic tested fans to see if they were as obsessed as they’d made themselves out to be (with a brill Wilkie mini-strip underneath). I love the ‘Gros’ logo spoof of the real one and I wonder if, had OiNK continued, would the band have been a regular target. Looks that way.
Rick Astley is still going strong though, which I was pleasantly surprised to find out a couple of years back when he popped up on Jools Holland’s Hootenanny. Can’t keep a good 80s icon down.
The next page is by an artist who makes his sole contribution in this issue and that’s a shame because if this is anything to go by I’d loved to have seen more from him. José Luis Prats Cruz is a cartoonist from Southern Spain and has continued to work in the industry ever since, although his work has eluded me until now. Signing as’Ozeluí‘, if you search online you’ll find most of his cartoons have no speech just like this instant OiNK classic. You can check out his most recent work on his Instagram account. What a shame he never got to create anything else for us pig pals.
In the final issue a strip called The Pigpen of Fear presents The Spine-Tingling Tale of The House at No.13 Veryscary Avenue was billed as the first in a new series by Davey Jones. It didn’t feel odd to have it billed as such, even when no more would be coming, because OiNK was always doing things like that. Well, as it turns out it was intended to be a series after all. Not only that, but the second strip is one of my very favourite OiNK strips of all time.
The Pop-Up Toaster of Doom sees Jim and Peggy Watkins meet their comeuppance when they cross the wrong shop keeper. Complete with the scary pig character as the narrator, it’s a perfect spoof of TV shows such as Tales From the Crypt. Right from the off it pokes fun at the conventions of such shows, like the name of the shopkeeper being so obvious, and of course since this is by Davey there are a ton of background jokes to spot too.
The main gag here is that there’s nothing sinister or evil happening at all but it’s still dressed up as a horror story. Everything is completely ordinary. Even the shop itself is a red herring and in the end the horrible outcome for the couple is that they’ll just take the toaster back to the shop. It’s ingenious ludicrousness by Davey as per usual and one that had me roaring as a kid. It’s one of those occasions when it makes me laugh even more so as an adult too.
It’s the funniest strip in the issue and one of the funniest OiNK produced. Unfortunately, just like the monthlies there are reprints here too, five pages in total. In fact, the final three pages of the comic are ones we’ve seen before, which ends things on a bit of a downer for regular readers. But just before those is a new four-page Horace (Ugly Face) Watkins strip which finally concludes his long-running story with the happy ending he always deserved. It’s his and Mandy‘s wedding day!
Horace may have evolved completely from those early joke strips to an ongoing serial about the difficulties he faced thanks to his looks, but co-editor Tony Husband never forgot it was meant to be daft too. Horace’s ongoing football soap opera was wonderfully random and he faced everything from a stalker to a radioactive monster (in fact, they were both the same person). However, his strips taught us much along the way about never judging others based on their looks and that we shouldn’t let others who judge us unfairly hold us back. Yes, OiNK was a daft comic but Horace’s strip sat comfortably alongside the non-smoking, anti-bullying and anti-bigotry messages to teach its young readers the right lessons in life, without us ever being aware that’s what they were doing.
Three months was a long time to wait for new OiNK material, however the next issue wouldn’t be released for another six! The Holiday Special 1989 may have been an additional monthly issue of OiNK rather than a summery feast, but it was no less fun to take another bite of that pork pie. I never saw any adverts for the OiNK Winter Special because I wasn’t collecting any of the comics it would’ve appeared in so it was a wonderful surprise when it popped up in November 1989. I can’t wait to read it for the first time since! That next crackling issue will be here on Saturday 2nd November 2024.
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