These two issues of OiNK were linked by a somewhat famous incident in the life of the comic when #64 published what was initially just another funny page. However, it resulted in a follow up in #67 when it became the topic of conversation in a rather important place in the UK. I don’t think many of our comics have the honour of being a search result on the government’s website, but that’s certainly the case with OiNK. Let’s start at the beginning.
Back in the review for #64 I highlighted writer Howard Osborn‘s Ten Things You Need to Know About the New Poll Tax, retooled as a way of taxing parrot owners across Great Britain, which made about as much sense as the real thing. It was a hilarious piece of satire at a time when Margaret Thatcher’s Poll Tax on the mainland (it never made it over here to Northern Ireland) was getting ridiculed across the media, from the news to Spitting Image. Now a children’s comic was having a go too.
As I said in the review certain points of this feel very prescient, which is actually something I’ve noticed in a lot of OiNK’s more satirical jokes recently. The Poll Tax itself was so universally hated I can remember it being on the news constantly, even though I never paid attention to such things at a young age. The aforementioned latex puppets probably helped in that regard.
Fast-forward three months and #67 had the blurb, “As read in the House of Commons!” emblazoned on the cover. Inside, Uncle Pigg announced that a young pig pal by the name of William Pickering had reached out to local Labour MP Jeff Rooker, who the comic describes as William’s “pal” and showed him OiNK’s piece, for which Howard finally received the writing credit. Uncle Pigg thought readers might like to know his fine publication was then spoken about (and even quoted) in the corridors of power.
It’s quite funny to think this happened at the time, our little comic being referred to by the government and not in a critical way like some late Northern Ireland politicians who had wanted it banned. Instead the rebellious, anarchic OiNK was being held up by a government official, albeit as an example of the contempt felt by the populace for the party in power. But that’s not the end of this particular story.
OiNK had proved its point beyond its wildest dreams
The text is from Hansard, the official record of the UK parliament. “From what I remember, Hansard made contact with us and informed us,” OiNK co-editor Patrick Gallagher told me. “It’s what we pay our taxes for, particularly Poll Tax in this case.” Just for the blog, Patrick reached out to Uncle Pigg on his tropical retirement island for comment, who snorted, “The impression I got was that they [Hansard] were a fan. Don’t forget, we also made an excellent impression on Edwina Curry so we were well respected and talked about in certain quarters of the government, too.” Indeed, here’s a photo from the Smokebuster Special promotion to prove his point.
The parliamentary records are much more accessible today thanks to the Internet and a quick search for ‘OiNK’ in the year 1988 brings up the full session from that day. This includes the complete exchange between Rooker and fellow MP Patrick McLoughlin who, in typical Conservative fashion, completely ignores the point of why the comic was quoted in the first place.
OiNK’s inclusion by Rooker was to show how the tax was so widely unpopular that even children were mocking it. Rooker also clearly explained he didn’t read comics and that a young child of a constituent had pointed it out to him. Despite all of this, the Tory member accuses Rooker of having nothing better to do than read comics, which just showed everyone McLoughlin had no good response to OiNK’s ribbing. He really should’ve just stayed seated and quiet.
So there you go, the day OiNK was read out in the House of Commons. If you’d like to see it on the government’s website for yourself you can check it out at this link, although the screenshot above is all there is on OiNK. I loved the original piece by Howard and seeing the ruling party’s pathetic response just makes it all the funnier. OiNK had proved its point beyond its wildest dreams.
This is a really stinky, smelly, rubbish issue of OiNK. However, as pig pals will attest that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Instead, it’s rubbish with a capital ‘R’ because David Haldane’s Rubbish Man is back after a long hiatus. Originally appearing in every comic, special and book, Rubbish Man disappeared when OiNK when weekly with #45, however David continued to contribute to every issue with his uniquely bizarre sense of humour.
Not intending to do things by halves, Jimmy Bung (our hero’s alter ego) takes up a whopping ten pages of this issue, his adventure split up into five double-page spreads and as you can see by the cover it has a rather famous guest star in the shape of then American President, Ronald Reagan. And a slime monster. Naturally. I love the ‘Reagan In Arms Trouble’ headline, mimicking the newspapers of the day. Interestingly (or coincidentally) the three characters who’d be making the transition to Buster comic in a month are all mentioned on the cover, and watch out for a special blog post next week about that top corner announcement!
We kick things off right at the top of page two with Kev F Sutherland’s Here Comes Rhymin’ Simon, a one-off character whose name suggests the joke will be based solely on how he speaks. However, we should know by now never to predict a strip by Kev. My point is proven when the story actually takes a dig at the push for ‘Made in Britain’ in the press at the time, something Spitting Image also masterfully took the hand out of. Even at my young age (back then, not now) I can remember my friends and I making jokes about those little stickers.
A strong satirical start that this kid definitely appreciated at the time and a few pages later Marc Riley’s Harry the Head returns to top form too. Harry’s strips were always at their best when they were full pages and individual stories. The lengthy adventure serial he had for a few months in the fortnightlies didn’t really work for me and, while his mini-strips in recent issues have been funny, reading this next page reminded me of how strong his entries were right back at the beginning of OiNK.
While having Harry stitched up inside Barney could have made for some (possibly rather disturbing) fun, the end made me chortle. As if Harry being a disembodied head wasn’t a dead giveaway, slapping on a joke shop disguise is just so ridiculous with an already ridiculous character I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s nice to see Marc back to writing for Harry too.
After what felt like a Lew Stringer special last month, the prolific cartoonist returns to a more regular workload. There’s a one-page Tom Thug which rings true, in which we see Tom taking on the true persona of all bullies including the online troll variety. Then Pete and his Pimple’s three-page strip starts off with this imaginative photo collage as he travels into the far-flung future to seek out a pimple cure after a suggestion from reader Matthew Browning of Kent.
A nice little 2000AD reference there too.
The story is a good ‘un if you can track down the issue, with Pete arrested in a world where anyone with spots is jailed for everything that’s wrong with the world, after the government has run out of other minorities to blame. Just to nail the point home, when a robotic claw grabs him it’s named ‘Claws 28’ after Margaret Thatcher’s draconian anti-LGBTQ+ Clause 28 from the late 80s. It’s yet another example of Lew’s social commentary that’s both very funny and unfortunately still very relevant.
Time to see what that front cover was all about and in a distant galaxy we meet the crazy baddie (aren’t they all?) Dr. Blip, the last of his race, and his two henchmen The Glove Puppets From Hell. In order to hold all of planet Earth to ransom for fifty squillion, zillion pounds and a copy of Dire Straits’ latest album he’s kidnapped Reagan and sent the largest monster Rubbish Man has ever faced. How large? Well…
Jings, Rubbish Man! I do believe you’re right! That would’ve been one helluva cliffhanger had the original idea for this strip as a weekly serial been realised. Hinted at back in #52, the plan was for this to be a five-part story but it’s clear David ended up creating it for the monthly format; there are no titles at the beginning of each part (unlike The Street-Hogs in #65 which had been partially drawn before the shift to monthlies) and it all feels very spaced out, like it was created for a larger format.
Below is the page where Reagan is kidnapped by one of Dr. Blip’s hideous monsters just as he’s on the telephone to our smelly hero. The panels are huge and every double-page spread feels like one page of David’s usually packed pages stretched out. The art is gorgeously coloured (a rare thing for Haldane in OiNK) and the grotesque creature is suitably (comically) horrific and very random as per David’s humour, but there’s just not as much to read as we’ve come to expect.
There’s something else missing too. Where’s the mouldy custard squirting out of Rubbish Man’s nostrils? Or the mushy peas spraying out from his fingertips? Or his super garlic breath? While it’s a funny and imaginative strip, apart from one solitary smelly foot none of his powers are present. They were the whole point of the character and why he was so beloved by the children reading the comic.
Instead, all of the gross out humour is reserved for the stomach of the planet devouring beast and hordes of undigested carrots. Or rather, a “hungry horde of psychopathic, semi-digested, blood-crazed diced carrots”. It may not feel like a classic Rubbish Man story but I can’t fault the imagination on show and where else would you find a superhero not only swimming through a swamp of ear wax, but also commenting on how this isn’t his first time.
The story comes to its conclusion when Reagan utters some magical Presidential words told to him by his wife Nancy earlier that day (“Jumpin’ Jellybeans!”) and turns into President of the United States Man. Yes, really. With a simple, single superhero punch Dr. Blip (himself modelled on a certain 80s English politician) is defeated and Rubbish Man takes care of the Glove Puppets from Hell he’d been forced to wear in equally easy fashion. Of course there’s just one more issue to mop up.
Or not, as it turns out.
With the new target audience of teens and students it’s strange to see the absence of the smelly and unhygienic nature of the character. (Surely they’re an even more perfect group of readers for him!) As it stands it’s a fun strip which I think needed about half the space it took up here and I can only imagine the extra laughs it could’ve contained had it been written as five individual strips in the weekly OiNK. As an epic adventure for this particular character it could’ve been so much more.
This was his penultimate strip, with a similarly lengthy story to come in the OiNK Winter Special next year, then there’s a reprint in the OiNK Summer Collection the year after. He doesn’t even pop up in the forthcoming OiNK! Book 1989 (see further below). It’s such a shame because he was a real highlight of those early issues, my favourites to this day still being the colourful Kentucky Fried adventure from the very first issue and the multiple laughs to be had in #9’s bonkers entry. Farewell for now Jimmy, it’s been a whiffy blast. Meanwhile…
This Meanwhile… from Kev F reminds me of a smaller strip by Vaughan Brunt and Mike Green from #31 and just like Vaughan’s debut this was also repeated umpteen times in the school playground to anyone who’d listen. Nice little cameo by one of Kev’s Three Scientists from last month’s highlights, too. From a spoof of one classic comics superhero to a spoof of another classic comic’s adventure strip, this time of the British variety.
Danny and Penny Cretin were overjoyed when their uncle built them an amazing mechanical fish
The Iron Salmon, Lew Stringer
Back in the 60s Beano would have a couple of adventure strips in amongst the silliness and OiNK cartoonist Lew Stringer’s favourite was The Iron Fish, a tale of two young children who owned a fantastic metal submersible in the shape of a giant, dynamic-looking fish in which they’d have various adventures. A couple of decades later and Lew teamed up with artist Andy Roper to bring life to The Iron Salmon, a rather more cumbersome and sorrowful-looking vehicle.
The two children may have the same forenames as their Beano originals but their surname was changed to one Lew felt better suited the rather wet personalities of Beano’s pair. While the adventure strip had them poke their noses into things to save the day, here their nosey nature causes disaster after disaster, neither of them having the intelligence or self-awareness to know they’re the ones causing all of the problems to begin with. This is great fun.
Andy’s art is perfect for spoofing classic comics. He did so with OiNK’S take on Rover‘s and Victor’s Tough of the Track and of course let’s not forget his main contribution to our comic, the phenomenal Spectacles of Doom. The fact the original Iron Fish’s headlights looked like ferocious eyes is brilliantly transformed into big cute ones instead, with a further set of headlights making it look even more gormless. Sadly no longer with us, you can see more highlights from Andy’s time on OiNK including his Scruff of the Track, in his obituary.
You can also check out Lew’s posts about The Iron Fish on his old Blimey! blog, including some of the earliest ones he read as a child, its reinvention for Buddy comic and even a real-life version, The Seabreacher!
As a kid this was the first monthly I spotted strips (as opposed to the posters, which I’d missed the first time) I’d originally read a year or two earlier. This disappointed me but was by no means a deal breaker. Including those posters there are eight pages of reprint material here, more than the previous issues but on the back page came news of something glossy and new! The OiNK! Book 1988 had been so incrediblethe previous Christmas I’d eagerly awaited its sequel. Now, word finally reached pig pals of the 1989 volume.
It was great to see the old logo again. As a kid I hadn’t realised I’d actually missed it until I saw this superb J.T. Dogg cover. His illustration made up for the disappointing news it contained 16 less pages than the previous book, especially disappointing given the regular comic now had 48! As a result, the book having only 16 more pages than the comic it was advertised in felt rather stingy when I originally saw this advert. I could only hope it wouldn’t disappoint on Christmas Morning. We’ll find out in a few short months.
We’ve missed you Mary, and we’ll miss everyone very soon
There’s a surprise return to strip form for one more character before I sign off this review. I’ll end on that but first the Next Issue page (which you’ll see in its own post on Friday 20th October 2023) contains a gorgeous Frank Sidebottom cover which sadly adorns what would be the last issue of OiNK. I can’t believe we’ve come this far already. Don’t worry though, there’s a ton of OiNK content still to come, both in the immediate future and for years yet on the blog.
For example coming next week is that post promised above, on Sunday 15th October you’ll see how Buster comic announced the merge to come the following week, then on Sunday 22nd October you’ll have two reviews to read, one for OiNK#68 and another for the first four Busters starring three of our favourite characters. Then it’ll feel like no time at all until The OiNK! Book 1989 is reviewed on Christmas Day. For now, as we approach the end it feels fitting to have Mary Lighthouse (critic) back in the pages again, here written by F. Jayne Rodgers (co-editor Mark’s sister), her sole contribution and drawn as ever by the irreplaceable Ian Jackson. We’ve missed you Mary, and we’ll miss everyone very soon.
Finally Mary Lighthouse (critic) is back in an honest-to-gosh comic strip in the next issue of OiNK! A regular occurrence during the fortnightly issues, she’s only made fleeting appearances on the likes of the Grunts letters page for a long time now. That situation is about to be corrected in a few days. However, she may have had the Next Issue promo from #66 all to herself but it’s a certain smelly superhero who’ll be the cover star, backed up with a mammoth ten-page story.
Promo art by Ian Jackson
That’s right, #67 sees the long-awaited return of David Haldane‘s Rubbish Man to the pages of the comic in an epic dose of silliness. Marc Riley‘s Harry the Head is back at full strength too in a full-page funny, Kev F Sutherland continues to dominate the monthlies, and Lew Stringer and Andy Roper team up for a superb spoof of a 60s Beano adventure strip. It’s definitely not to be missed, so plop back here on Sunday 17th September 2023 for OiNK #67, our penultimate issue no less!
Another month, another foray into the far future with Marvel UK’s classic Dragon’s Claws. It may look like there’s an ancient oriental theme to the story this time around if the cover is anything to go by, but actually Steel here is facing off against one of two French armies. This month’s exciting comic is just that: exciting! It pushes the background intrigue and shocking story arcs from last time aside and concentrates instead on a self-contained tale that’s no less thrilling.
A quick mention of the editorial page first and that opening paragraph doesn’t change from issue-to-issue, remaining as a quick introduction for any new readers. It reminds me of how American TV shows of the 80s and 90s would’ve had a spoken narration at the beginning of their opening credits, so it feels perfectly of its time. Think Knight Rider, Jag and Babylon 5. These were (and still are) all favourites of mine so this gets me hyped every month.
As usual the in-universe Fastfax gives us a little bit of background to the story before it starts on the opposite page. It’s interesting to get some insight into how the wider world outside Greater Britain is faring and it appears France isn’t doing so well, with the rich carving up the country for their own benefit, the rest of the populace suffering as a result. The rebel group La Folie appear to be getting painted as a terrorist group here, so I’m pretty sure that won’t be the case as the story unfolds.
Of course, we know already who’s going to be selected to do the prisoner exchange between the World Development Council and the rebels, don’t we? I’m also intrigued by this mention of a Canadian vigilante, seemingly innocently slotted in there at the end. Perhaps a character we’ll get to in a future story. These Fastfax updates throw out hints and character references every month, painting a lovely three-dimensional world crafted by writer Simon Furman which I hope we get time to explore in the ten issues.
“When Dragon pulled us Dragon’s Claws back together as government agents, his intent was to restore order to this mad world!”
Steel
The first half of Simon’s story (drawn by Geoff Senior, lettered by Annie Halfacree, coloured by Steve White, edited by Richard Starkings) is heavy on the action while not wasting any time in developing the story. It may be a little predicable in the end but that could be down to the fact it’s 35 years old. At the time I’m sure it kept readers guessing until the end. So the barons mentioned in the Fastfax are battling all over the country, tearing it apart and killing hundreds of thousands of innocent bystanders in order to advance their power. La Folie are being painted as terrorists instead of freedom fighters because this suits the governments of the world.
Dragon’s Claws have been assigned to return La Folie’s two members in exchange for the government’s man and Dragon himself is on route to rendezvous with his team with the prisoners when he comes under attack by La Folie’s second-in-command Colonel Gescaux. He wants to kill prisoners Legris and Ostleur as they seem to know something that their leader can’t find out. Straight away Dragon seems to know all is not as black and white as the governments are painting it, even throwing himself into harm’s way to save the so-called terrorists from a grenade.
Meanwhile, the rest of his team find themselves between two warring factions. Mercy is all for abandoning the area, it’s not their fight after all, both sides are in the wrong as far as she’s concerned and can wipe each other out. But as Steel points out the local town is being devastated by their battle and given why Dragon reformed the team as government agents (the first time his reason is explained) it very much is their fight. Hence the cover.
Legris takes a moment to have it out with Dragon in a scene where they end up surrounded by Gescaux’s men. Before Dragon battles his way out, entrusting Legris and Ostleur to help out and not make a run for it, he realises he has respect for Legris, that he’s a man of integrity and belief in a cause. Gescaux just wants La Folie for himself, to turn it into the criminal organisation the world already thinks it is in order to further his own schemes. These two men know this and Gescaux knows if their leader found out he’d be a dead man.
Turn the people against each other to enrich the rich even further. Sound familiar?
The story revolves around the point that Greater Britain and the wider World Development Council will happily ally themselves with corrupt world leaders in order to advance their own personal interests, not those of the people they’re meant to serve. They don’t care who gets scapegoated, ostracised from civilisation or killed, as long as no one knows what’s really going on in the corridors of power. Turn the people against each other to enrich the rich even further. Sound familiar?
So while this chapter in the adventures of Dragon’s Claws may not advance any of those plots I found so intriguing over the first few issues, it’s beginning to paint a wider canvas for future stories to take part in and I do hope we get to see more of the world, or even revisit France at some point. (UPDATE: We don’t.) Speaking of which, let’s get back to that battle between the warring barons the rest of the Claws couldn’t walk away from and a surprising moment of comedy thanks to my favourite character, Scavenger.
I love this moment so much. The person he hit thanks to the lady’s headscarf was one of the leaders, the plan being to take down one of them so their followers would flee, creating an opening to do so with the other leader, thus saving the town. Steel stops Mercy from killing the other baron, instead putting weapons in front of them both and telling them to fight it out to the death instead of sending their troops into battle for them. Naturally, they show themselves up as the cowards they are and run away instead.
The main thrust of the story ends with Dragon taking on all of Gescaux’s minions, who then tries to escape instead of fighting on (again, typical) and he jumps onto their vehicle. However, Dragon notices the fuel tank is ruptured and about to blow. He still tries to save Gescaux but he’s too late and the terrorist gets blown to smithereens. After an arduous wait to see if the freed prisoners will keep to their word (Dragon let them go to the exchange alone), Ambassador Golding turns up. The other, so-called ‘terrorists’ kept to their word, this honourability proving most important to Steel.
With a little acknowledging nod to the previous story arcs we reach the end for now. After learning of Dragon’s reason for agreeing to become an agent of the World Development Council (and N.U.R.S.E.) earlier in the issue, his comment here about re-educating people isn’t just a throwaway line. Instead, it’s a true heroic statement and one that’ll hopefully lead to many exciting adventures to come, swiftly followed in the next moment with him cracking a joke. A great ending.
Well, there’s actually one more page to go. Last issue’s story also finished but then had a final page hinting at things to come, it’s something of a trademark for Simon’s comics if this and Death’s Head are anything to go by. So as we turn to the final page we get another surprise cliffhanger. In a moment that’s reminiscent of The Terminator films a bright ball of electricity signals the arrival of a futuristic robotic character, appearing in The ‘Pool (Liverpool) next to The Evil Dead’s Death Nell, one of only two apparent survivors of that Game team from #2. This is a particularly exciting entrance!
Anybody who’s been following the Death’s Head real time read through will know all about the character created in the pages of Transformers by Simon Furman and Geoff Senior. After a few appearances in that hit comic and discovering the origins of the Cybertronians he disappeared through time (after a battle with Unicron) only to appear in Doctor Who Magazine.
There he was brought down to human size by the Seventh Doctor (Sylvester McCoy’s) in a funny strip in #135 of his publication and then tricked into jumping to Earth in the year 8162, a very familiar time for readers of Dragon’s Claws. Now, with Death’s Head’s own comic due for release before the end of the year it’s time for him to make his reappearance in Marvel UK’s lineup at last and I for one can not wait! Check out the very back page of the comic below, drawn by Bryan Hitch rather than Geoff, so I wonder who is drawing the next chapter. Interesting, and a superb choice of artist.
I really am sick and tired of that “’Nuff Said” phrase though. Between Dragon’s Claws, Havoc and Transformers it was so overused by Marvel UK and every single time they did it just felt like a cop out, like the editor couldn’t be arsed saying anything else. At least Action Force were getting much more exiting covers for their monthly than they were a few issues back, with more superb Geoff Senior artwork to gawk at.
With page 28 sufficiently gawked, it’s time to wrap things up for Dragon et all for another month. This continues to be an extraordinarily fun comic, full of action, character and world building that’s second-to-none. With a crossover event next month and the background arcs set to return, I don’t know how they’ve managed it but I’m getting ever more hyped every month for the next issue. Come back on Sunday 8th October 2023 for Dragon’s Claws #5 to see if that trend is set to continue.
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