I had to take Smudge to the vet last week. Normally these trips go smoothly but he had to get some light dental work done and was anaesthetised. After I got him home he was off for the rest of the day and into the small hours; he clearly wasn’t happy with how his mouth felt, didn’t eat much (so I couldn’t give him his pain meds) and the eye drops they used while he was knocked out had turned his vision cloudy. I stayed up very late with him but eventually he wondered off to a quiet corner of the house on his own as cats do when they’re not well. I tossed and turned, worried about my little friend.

Then, around 4:30am I heard a familiar ”Are you up?” meow. He jumped up on me, rubbing his face into mine to give me his unique kisses and hugs, and was vibrating like a jackhammer with the loudest of purrs! We made our way to the kitchen where he ate some chicken (slower than usual but I waited for him) and then he followed me back to bed, curled up on my lap and the both of us fell asleep together for a few hours.

The joy I felt in my heart at a time of night when I’d usually be half awake and stumbling to the fridge for him proved just how much this daft little ball of fluff means to me. Seriously, I was as elated as a child on their birthday! Maybe his mouth felt a lot better than it had even before the visit and he knew I’d taken care of them, or maybe it was simply because the pain and vision problems had gone. Either way, he was the cuddliest, happiest, purriest little cat for days afterwards! I could tell he was so, so happy. Smudge has been living with me for just nine months but I’ve known him and cat sitted him for nearly 11 years now. In fact, it’s his 11th birthday today!

Well, his estimated birthday. When my friends, mother and daughter Elaine and Vicki found and rescued him in October 2015 the vet estimated he was about three months old, so they counted back and decided 12th July would be his birthday (giving me something I actually want to celebrate on that day here in Belfast). Ever since then he’s been treated to pressies on that day and this year is no exception.

I’ve spoken at length about Smudge’s story but to mark the occasion (and after the way he’s been so extra loving this week) I wanted to write a little about how much he’s been there for me this past decade-plus… a thank you to him, not that he’ll know! When Elaine passed it felt like there was still a part of her here in him. She raised him for six years and loved him dearly and it was obvious he really missed her after she passed.

When my own mum and dad passed away within months of each other two years ago, going to cat sit Smudge with all the playtimes, cuddles and cat naps really helped me through. In fact, I was with Smudge when I found out my dad had died. I can remember him jumping up on my lap and while sitting upright and looking right into my eyes he cocked his head to the side, as if asking if I was okay. It wasn’t the only time he didn’t leave my side when I was feeling low that summer.

Earlier this year I was reading a special cat-themed edition of National Geographic Vicki bought me for Christmas, and one of the things I learned was how cats have a special purr they do when they want to help someone (human or cat) who they think is sad or not well. I remember his loud, vibrating purr from when I lost my parents and how he’d snuggle into my chest and turn his volume up! He was trying to heal me.

People do say animals are really good for our mental health and I couldn’t agree more. There’s so much bad news out there at the minute and horrible developments in the world that I’ve often found the stress of it build up, but then I just look at Smudge and it all melts away. The same goes for when someone has annoyed or angered me for whatever reason (it’s been a stressful couple of years on a personal level), when I get home that all dissipates straight away.

Initially, the last thing I wanted was for Smudge to think I was angry or stressed about him so I’d push those feelings down and he’d calm me just by existing in the same space as me. Over time though, living with him has calmed me in general and I find things just don’t annoy me as much to begin with; unimportant things don’t get to me as much because the love I receive from him and his calming nature are just so much more important than all that negativity.

I’ve also become so much more productive! If I’m not careful I can be an awful procrastinator (or a wonderful procrastinator depending on your point of view) and I always tried to schedule writing time every week like a regular job. Not anymore. Since Smudge may want played with or an hours-long cuddle-nap at any time I just write or partake in my hobbies as and when I want and I find doing so has reinvigorated me in a strange way. I’m doing what I love when I want rather than by a work schedule and it’s been working like a dream. When he wants attention I just stop and when I return to it I’m refreshed and ready to carry on.

So thank you Smudge. Thank you for choosing me to be your best friend, for being there for me even if you didn’t quite know why, and for bringing joy and love and a great deal of cosiness to my wee home and my life. I hope I can return the favour and provide you with the best possible retirement home.

Love you, little man. Happy Birthday buddy.

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