OiNK! #54: PAST PRAiSE, FUTURE SHOCKS

You may have noticed the weekly OiNK reviews have shifted from Saturdays to Fridays this month. Just in case you were wondering why it’s simply because back in 1988 February had 29 days, one more than we had this year. So the shift to a day earlier is to keep things aligned to the original publication dates, which is the whole point of this site after all.

That’s a lot of praise from some surprising sources on the cover. Towards the end of the fortnightlies some clippings were sent in by readers. It might seem like this took a long time but in the pre-internet days and the way comics and magazine deadlines work it would take time for the comic to make an impact, be reviewed, have those reviews printed, then clipped, pasted into the comic and in turn published in OiNK. This issue’s cover decided to sum up previous quotes as well as showing off new ones.

I like the fact it includes some not-so-flattering praise, that little “R.I.P.” being a funny little dig too. The Press Council quote is part of their ruling over the famous complaint placed against the comic which I’ve mentioned before and I’ll take a closer look at soon. As for the banner along the top, perhaps it was the Charlie Brooker Prize? Haha. Always nice to see an Ian Jackson cover and I remember the quotes and clippings pleasing me greatly as a kid because it surely meant OiNK was a huge success and would be around forever. It’s hard to comprehend there are only 14 regular issues left.

Unknown to us at the time a page inside signalled an upcoming change that would ultimately lead to OiNK’s demise.

Reading over the survey there are a lot of silly questions and answers, it wouldn’t be OiNK without them after all, reading almost like a spoof survey but it’s real. The fact there’s nowhere to write in whether the readers wanted it to change to a monthly or not had me thinking this decision was already made. Perhaps the writing was on the wall and this was an attempt to save the comic, worded in such a way to make it seem like it was the choice of pig pals. But I was wrong, for the most part anyway.


“Accept others as they are”

Lew Stringer, Pete and his Pimple

Co-editor Patrick Gallagher tells me, “Our survey, which you refer to, was genuine and not having a designated space for that final question was an error, though the readers used their noggins and scribbled their answers in any available space! And yes, I think it was Fleetway‘s intention to go monthly as it had been to go weekly, from what I can remember, which I didn’t mind – though I can’t remember at the time thinking the writing was on the wall. I think sales were down across the board but OiNK’s figures weren’t the worst – it was the other comic’s figures that dragged it down. In the meantime [the survey was] checking the audiences’ opinions, which may have had some sway.”

Moving on for now and this issue may have been published in 1988 but this week’s Pete and his Pimple feels rather contemporary. Lew Stringer brings his rhyming strip skills to the fore once again in the tale of Johnny Bigot. It’s a wonderfully funny page with a message of “accept others as they are”; a strong message where we laugh at the bully of course, which is very typically OiNK and Lew. It’s a good life lesson and of course the whole basis of Lew’s Tom Thug character. In a world where people like Johnny seem to have louder voices than ever I find this strip rather cathartic.

If this were printed today the Johnny Bigots of the world would probably scream and shout that OiNK was indoctrinating their children to hate others (irony isn’t their strong point), or that it was full of political correctness in a children’s comic. Nonsense of course, but I just think of this and laugh when I see such things online now and I heartily recommend that. Let’s all figuratively burst our pimples at them and let them sow the seeds of their own demise. Reading funny comics is much more fun anyway.

(On a separate note, as a good friend once said to me, it’s not about being “politically correct”, it’s just about being the second word in those quotes.)

Speaking of laughing at the bullies let’s take a look at Lew’s other famous creation, Tom. Two days after the previous issue of OiNK our resident thicko appeared in a half-page strip in sister title Whizzer and Chips to promote his own comic to their readers. In that story, after failing to join the gangs of either Shiner or Sid, he threatened to form his own in the pages of OiNK, creating a unique crossover for a humour comic where a story started in a different title. Below is the first of what would actually be a three-part mini-series called Tom Thug and his Crude Crew.

On the one hand you could ask why it’s taken Tom this long to think about having a gang, what with him often ending up in the state he’s in at the start of this strip. But then again he’s a bully so he’s not the brightest. I did laugh at the depiction of the bigger bully and how it takes Tom so long to finish his sentence (not until he’s conscious again in hospital). Then it takes him six months to get out! Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fryer. This story will continue over the next couple of weeks and I’m eager to see who he selects next as my ol’ memory cells have long forgotten.

Elsewhere in this issue we get another Mary Lighthouse strip. That’s two in as many issues. We’re being spoiled. With my fascination with all things Ancient Egypt I just had to include this little highlight below as she regales us with tales of her family tree. Then, the Horace (Ugly Face) Watkins strip continues its football serial. As you can see co-editor Tony Husband has taken the already ludicrously far-fetched football serials in other comics and newspapers of the day and spoofed them perfectly with this ridiculous tale.

One page that’s usually guaranteed to be a highlight of each issue is Frank Sidebottom’s. Recently he’s moved away from strips (they’ll return, we never knew what to expect from one issue to the next) and was instead informing us of some very funny showbiz gossip. These pages included intricate background art and lots of text to keep us giggling along for a good few minutes but this issue’s page seems a bit ‘off’, it feels a bit rushed.

The first thing that struck me was how his writing is much bigger than usual so it took no time to read; what’s here would’ve normally taken up about half the page, if that. The background isn’t his usual detailed standard either, looking instead like a few squiggles quickly thrown together to give it come colour. What is here is classic Chris Sievey and very funny but I’m just left wanting more and that hasn’t happened before. Then again, he was an extraordinarily busy man to also be producing a weekly comics page, as evidenced in his diary last week.

The back cover was certainly not rushed. Here we find another spoof movie poster drawn by Simon Thorp from a brilliant script by co-editor Mark Rodgers. In 1987 the Masters of the Universe movie starring Dolph Lundgren and Frank Langella had been released and flopped. The 80s saw rules against toys being made into cartoons and the like relaxed, giving birth to mega franchises based on action figures etc. This was one such example. The fact these toys were being created as franchises instead of just playthings wasn’t lost on Mark and Simon.

This definitely went some way to making up for the two hours of my life I wasted watching the film. There are so many piggy puns in there. Make sure you read the smaller credits at the bottom under that lavish movie title. The longer you look at this the more little sight gags you can spot as well, such as the GBH ‘Mussel’ to go with the GBH ‘Muscle’ and the fact one of the characters’ legs has fallen off like a cheap action figure. Brilliant, memorable stuff which rounds off the issue perfectly.

One thing that did stick out with this issue was the lack of Hadrian Vile. In fact, he hasn’t been seen since #50. With the weeklies having less pages we’d become somewhat used to characters popping in and out, but a strip that’s been in every single edition since #1 going missing for three issues in a row? A character who was a huge fan favourite and whose diary was a highlight of every single issue he was in? It also meant a lot less from Ian Jackson too, which is always a shame, his work epitomised OiNK. (Thankfully we wouldn’t have long to wait.)

Clearly Patrick is needing a bit of a rest after another busy week putting the issue together so we’ll leave things there for now. There’s a lot to enjoy in the weeks ahead, even if this issue seems to have left me wanting a little bit. But last week was one of the very best OiNKs of them all and what’s here in #54 is still great, so onwards and upwards. Don’t forget the reviews will be coming at you every Friday from now on, so join me here Friday 17th March 2023 for #55 and a couple of days later for the next crossover comic!

iSSUE 53 < > iSSUE 55

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DOCTOR WHO MAGAZiNE #135: READYiNG DEATH’S HEAD

When this edition of Doctor Who Magazine hit newsstands I hadn’t even watched a single episode yet! It wouldn’t be long before I was a fan though and today I most certainly am, but I’ll get to that at the end of this post when I point something out in the news column of the issue. That’s not why we’re here though. We’re here for the comic strip starring a certain Freelance Peace-Keeping Agent, yes?

The last anyone saw of Death’s Head was when he disappeared through an exploding time portal in the pages of Transformers #151. While we saw the others he shoved through the portal survive the implication was clear he was missing rather than dead and readers eagerly awaited a surprise return at some point. That inevitable return was only two months later, but what was even more surprising was where it happened: in a different publication.

Written by Simon Furman and drawn by Geoff Senior with letters by Zed and edited by Richard Starkings (actually Zed is Richard), The Crossroads of Time was a one-off eight-page strip in #135 of DWM (which is at #588 at the time of writing). The magazine was a very different publication back then, with 36 pages and only the covers and middle four in colour (as opposed to the 84 full-colour pages it has today, complete with regular Lew Stringer Daft Dimension strip), but just like the best of the black and white stories in later issues of Transformers I think this really highlights Geoff’s inks and gorgeous details, some of which are very funny.

The opening page sets things up straight after The Legacy of Unicron with Death’s Head still travelling through space and time and crashing into the TARDIS. Soon both he and the Doctor (their seventh television incarnation, portrayed by Sylvester McCoy) find themselves on a random, barren planet along with a Time Warden, an impartial arbitrator. The warden weighs up the situation by taking one look at Death’s Head and decides they’ll have to come to an agreement without him.

Ever the opportunist, Death’s Head gives the Doctor a choice between bargaining or dying, and asks if he has anything to trade. Realising jelly babies aren’t going to cut it the Doctor realises he has one of the Master’s Tissue Compression Eliminators. This is a device his evil counterpart would use to shrink people down into tiny little toy solder-esque versions of themselves, effectively killing them.

It was actually seen in one of the more recent series when my own personal favourite Doc, Jodie Whittaker’s take on the character, went up against Sacha Dhawan’s highly memorable Master. In it he used the compressor to kill quite a few people in a particularly nasty fashion. Indeed, back in our strip the Doctor acknowledges it’s a horrible device but that “desperate situations call for desperate measures”. But the fact Death’s Head is already so huge has an unexpected result.

Despite wracking his body with pain, instead of shrinking him to minuscule size its power only brings him down to the same size as the Doctor. While it’s not a large image of Death’s Head’s face, you can clearly see his shock even from the side angle. After being a Transformer-sized mechanoid who could strike fear into his targets just by being there I find his face here so funny! The Doctor’s reaction is also meant to be funny, but I find it rather out of character.

Yes, he was obviously in danger but he hadn’t even really tried to talk himself out of the situation at hand before turning to a device he hoped would “eliminate” Death’s Head? That sounds more like something a Dalek would do. Even when I started watching Doctor Who with season 25 it was clear he didn’t go around simply killing the villains when he first bumped into them. This story was set during McCoy’s first year as the Doctor when he was still very much a slapstick, comedy version of the character with some elements of Colin Baker’s previous, darker incarnation thrown in, so I think this is just a joke comment rather than anything else.

Death’s Head would pop up in one more Marvel UK comic before his starring role, namely Dragon’s Claws

The following season (my first) he was a mysterious, thoughtful Doctor, often initialising the stories rather than reacting to some evil doer. I absolutely loved that portrayal, so reading this from the year before feels strange to me. But hey, I should’ve started watching it earlier! There’s a fast-paced chase to add some action, culminating in the Doctor finally getting an idea as to how he can turn the situation around and he calls out to Death’s Head that he has a trade to make.

I love that moment. It perfectly demonstrates the character of Death’s Head, his disappointment that he can no longer kill the Doctor because business always comes first. I’m sure I can look forward to a lot more of this humour in his own comic.

But what does the Doctor have that could possibly be of any use in a trade? Obviously, the TARDIS. We know he’ll have no intention of honouring this trade and anyone who has seen the show in recent years can probably predict what happens next. First of all though, it’s a bit of a thrill for this fan of both these characters to have Death’s Head get that enjoyable moment usually reserved for new companions, when they get to see the interior of the phone box for the first time.

The Doctor successfully bluffs his foe into his own fate by quickly running through some technobabble by means of instructions on how to time travel (remember, Death’s Head wasn’t a time traveller, he used others’ tech to do so in Transfomers), before pretending to leave it in the hands of its new owner. Death’s Head stops him, convinced if he did as instructed it would turn out to be a trap and tells him they’ll travel together for the first trip. Of course, this is what the Doctor planned all along and he sets the controls for Earth in the year 8162, concentrating the time circuits on the mechanoid who dematerialises accompanied by the text of that famous sound effect.

Why did the Doctor choose Earth to send a dangerous bounty hunter to? (…Ouch!! Sorry! Freelance Peace-Keeping Agent!…) He’s spent most of his life trying to save us daft humans and the strip even ends with him telling us our home is his favourite planet. Oh well, it’s still been a fun strip even if it’s left me a bit confused with The Doctor’s actions at times. But most importantly it’s set things up perfectly for Death’s Head’s monthly and that was its purpose in the end. (UPDATE: Actually, three months after writing this post, having now reviewed the first issue of another comic that date suddenly seems awfully familiar.)

So he’s now ready to interact with all manner of human characters and by the looks of the advert in the introductory post he even gets a human sidekick. In fact, I think I can just about remember him. I’ll find out in November I guess. I do know from seeing images of the covers over the years that he meets a couple of Marvel’s superheroes along the way so it’ll be interesting to see those interactions, what with his single-mindedness and dark sense of humour. (Kind of makes me think of Deadpool actually.) The TARDIS is even on one cover so there must be a rematch to come!

Before I round things up I wanted to show you the news story that stood out to me.

The story Remembrance of the Daleks was my first encounter with the series. It was a brilliant introduction! Made to mark the 25th anniversary of the Daleks I’d never seen anything like it and I was a fan straight away. This issue breaks the news of the new season’s opening story and it really took me back to that evening sitting in front of the portable TV in my bedroom when I decided on a whim to tune in. There are other points of interest in the magazine too.

It’s edited by Shiela Cranna who was the launch editor of Transformers and friend of the blog John Freeman is the designer and gets plenty of praise on the letters page. On those pages there’s also evidence nothing changes though, with some readers complaining others who like the new Doctor and the current show runner “aren’t true fans”. (Sigh.) It’s like Twitter before Twitter. There’s also a mention of a new Holywood movie which as we know would eventually become the 1996 TV movie pilot. I always find it interesting to read old magazines like this when I know how things turned out.

But anyway, back to the main subject at (detachable) hand.

Things may be all set for a brand new monthly comic starring one of the greatest comics creations of all time (in my opinion) but we’ve a while to wait, what with the first issue’s release date being 5th November. That TARDIS would come in handy. But actually, we haven’t got quite that long to wait and this is where I break the news of the next real time read through to come to the OiNK Blog. Death’s Head would pop up in one more Marvel UK comic before his starring role, namely Dragon’s Claws also created by Simon and Geoff.

For now don’t forget there’s an introductory post showing highlights from Death’s Head’s stories in Transformers (and links to all of the Instagram posts from that multi-year read through too) along with more details about his creation and some insights from the comic’s editor Richard Starkings who very kindly contributed. The Dragon’s Claws will join the blog on Sunday 14th May 2023, #5 featuring Death’s Head will be reviewed on Sunday 17th September and then his own debut issue will be here on Sunday 5th November. I think it’s going to be a good year, yes?

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